Med School Can Only Get Better From Here

So every speck of Anatomy is done. Class. Lab. Lecture. Final Exam. Lab practical. And the anatomy shelf exam. Holy smokes that took me for a ride. FYI: We have to take regular final exams for each class which are written by the professor at our school. THEN, for certain classes we take a "shelf" exam... which is a standardized subject exam given to med students everywhere. The test questions are recycled USMLE 1 questions... so we're getting some practice for the boards. The anatomy portion was alright... but the embryology portion was hellacious! Better start practicing embryo before Step 1.

So my theory is that if the rest of med school is as cool as the other classes I've taken (excluding anatomy of course) that things can only look up from here. I'm headed into Histology, Physiology and Molecular Biology come Monday. Yay!!

Just a Few More Hours

And I'll be done with anatomy... and back to posting. Sorry it's been so long.

Ode to Betty

Betty is our cadaver. I didn't name her... but to the best of my recollection she was named after Betty Davis. Which I'm not sure is all that appropriate considering that she was in her 80's, bald, and we certainly never saw her eyes. Well, not then at least.

Poor Betty. She was rather anomalous and gave us a rather tough time more often than not when looking for a certain structure. She had a port-a-cath (that can really throw you for a loop if you aren't expecting it), no musculocutaneous nerve in the brachial plexus, a titanium knee, a brain aneurism, no gallbladder, a barely visible uterus, essentially no authentic teeth, no tonsils, and the teeniest biceps muscles ever (like bandaid size). All that and she died of Hodgkin's.

And then we did horrible things. We hemi-sected the leg, bisected the clitoris (ouch), removed her head, transected her head, filleted her lungs and pulled out her eyes. Her breasts went into a zip lock, as did her brain, and the head of her humerus floated around the humidor for months until it looked like a red rudolph nose.

But that's not what I wanted to say.

I wanted to say thank you to Betty. And to Betty's family. Thank you for donating your body so that I could learn medicine. No matter how much I hated every single minute of it, no matter that my eyes burned every day, no matter that I stunk and had latex allergies. I do appreciate that people are willing to sacrifice any last shred of dignity so that future physicians can intimately learn the human body.

And learn it we did.

And Betty, for the record, I was always your advocate when those who shall remain nameless affixed your (rather large) labia to your external acoustic meatus and called them ears.

This is Amazing!!!

Harvard Cell Animation

Thanks ADoc2Be! I love this beyond words!

Interviews - Post 1

So now I'm taking requests. Someone asked me to write about the interview process... and oh, boy do I have a lot to say about it. Much more than could possibly fit in one post... so maybe this will have to be the first of a few posts...

Here's My Thoughts...

1) On manners. Holy crap, I have seen some DOOZIES! For Christ's sake! Mind your manners. Do I sound like your mom? I'm guessing some applicant's mom's didn't spend much time on this topic... so lets do a quick recap. Most schools have a "no assholes" rule... and these things will definitely disqualify you.

-Elevators... these work better if you let people OUT before you try to get IN. Yes, we know your excited, but don't trample the faculty

-Cussing- So I have the mouth of a sailor under normal circumstances... but not on my interview day. Not to staff, faculty, nor to students. Don't get too comfortable. Everyone can hear you

-No complaining! For god's sake I don't care if you only eat omega-3 grass fed beef. Shut up and eat the bun and the pickle. No one wants to hear it on an interview.... not to mention you come off like a giant asshole.

-Bragging to other applicants about your Yale interview and 42 MCAT? Tacky.

-So you hate this school and the city and it's your last choice and you are hoping to GOD that you get into Mt. Sinai instead? By talking about it you are breaking the "no assholes" rule.

2) On outfits. Oh, the horror. Almost every applicant (guy or girl) is wearing a black suit and a white shirt. Every guy wears a red "power tie". Yes, I got the memo that you are supposed to dress conservative. That means take out your tongue ring, cover up your tattoos, and leave your zoot suit at home. It DOES NOT mean that you have to dress for a funeral. My friends and I talked about this before our interviews and we vowed to be conservative yet to be ourselves and stand out. And guess what? We all got complimented for dressing DIFFERENTLY. I wore a charcoal Tahari pantsuit (conservative, yes?) with a blue and purple embroidered tunic underneath. On another interview I wore the same suit with a pink silk shirt and a chunky shell necklace. My friend "T" wore a beautiful grey suit with a medium blue shirt and yellow tie. My friend "K" wore ivory dress pants with dark red patent leather heels and a beautiful sweater. Everyone looked professional and conservative, but we all stood out from the other applicants. Think about it. What would YOU want to see after interviewing 128 penguin college grads in black suits and white shirts?

While I'm on the subject, please make sure your outfit "fits". As in, your interviewer isn't staring at your pink bra through your gaping blouse buttons, and your lateral malleolus isn't visible because your pants are too short.

3) On TALKING - so we all know your going to get questions from your interviewer... but that's not what I want to talk about. I want to talk about the questions YOU are going to ask your interviewer. Because you better. You better act interested and involved and so thrilled to be there that you just can't stand it. Your goal is to make your interviewer excited about talking to you. You need them to remember you when it's time for them to write their review about you. You don't want some professor scratching his head trying to remember which penguin you were and what the hell he should write about you. I've found that the best way to be remembered is to make the interviewer feel GOOD. If they are having fun, they will remember you. I don't care if you have the most crotchety old geezer interviewing you... you can turn the situation around. Start asking them questions. About THEM! For instance, "So what brought you to this school?" or "What made you decide to go into oncology?". Best option, look around for something to comment on. Pictures of grandkids? Ask about them. A Navaho blanket on the office wall? Mention how you saw one just like it on the Antiques Road Show that appraised for $40k. Anything. Make conversation and make it authentic. Remember, everyone's favorite subject is themselves. Get them talking. They'll remember you, and that's less time that YOU will be in the hotseat answering questions about that C+ you got in O-Chem.

Let's Talk About ADCOM's

I've been getting some wonderful emails from non-trad pre-meds who are wondering HOW ON EARTH to get into med school with a (super) sketchy academic background. I should know, since I'm an expert on sketchy academics. Let's talk about what it takes to get into medical school if you have some SERIOUS academic deficiencies.

The trick is knowing how the system works.

Many pre-meds think "Well, my GPA is ridiculously low, but my MCAT is ok, and I have six years of research that should outweigh my low GPA. I mean, undergrad was so long ago. I've matured since then. Not to mention, I have tons of clinical work, and I know I interview well... so this should work!" Right? WRONG!

The truth is that ADCOMS don't review every application and they don't take into consideration the applicant's whole big picture. It's not that they don't think that your six years of research should outweigh your GPA. The problem is that your low GPA and MCAT aren't getting you to the "second round" so to speak of the application process. Your application isn't even making it someone's desk. ADCOMs get thousands upon thousands of applications. Usually there are only a handful of reviewers (who are busy physicians themselves). They can't possibly read every application.

Applications get read by one of two* ways...

.

1) By score. ALL applications are given a preliminary score. Every school's scoring system is different, but essentially it revolves around GPA and MCAT. For instance, one school I interviewed at outright told the applicants their scoring method for review. These numbers are arbitrary... just for demonstration purposes (please don't email me and ask if they are real and what school!) They take the GPA (say 3.2) and convert it to a two digit# (32). They then add that to your MCAT score (say 31). Your score would be 63. The school used a cut-off (say above a score of 60) to decide which applications to review in depth. From those reviewed in depth, a certain number will be selected for interviews. So you can see how if you are weak in your MCAT but strong in GPA (like a GPA of 3.7 and MCAT of 24) you could still get a full review. But if you are mediocre in both areas (or REALLY weak in one area), you'll never get reviewed no matter if you're an Olympian, Rhodes Scholar, Brad Pitt, etc.

2) The second way you can get a full review is by recommendation. And not just by anyone. This means that someone that the ADCOM values (not YOUR mentor, college professor or hometown doctor calling to say how great you are) has requested a full review of your application. This is usually a professor in that medical school, a donor to that medical school, a top doc in one of their affiliated hospitals, or someone else of consequence to the ADCOM. In some schools, such as mine, a med student can ask the ADCOM to review the application of a candidate they like.

*Ok, I lied. There is one more way you can get a review. That's if you yourself are high profile (ie. an Olympian, Rhodes Scholar, or Brad Pitt). I didn't make that an official category... I guess I figure the Brad Pitt's of the world should have to figure some things out on their own.

So the point of all this? If you can't get your application through the system via route #1 because your academics are too sketchy, you sure as heck better start making friends (route #2). My best advice is to find THE med school that you want to go to (this should be a reasonable school.... probably not Harvard... but hey, anything is possible)... and GO THERE. Move across the country, get your Master's degree there, do research at their teaching hospital, teach their undergrads, sweep their floors, do something (ANYTHING) that demonstrates your abilities and puts you in touch with the right people. After you've proven yourself (after about a year) you can start asking for favors and poking around looking for ways to get in.

Not only is this how I got into med school, its how MANY people get into med school.

Last Anatomy Lab

I thought this day would never come. Tomorrow is my last, LaSt, LAST, ever, EvEr, EVER anatomy lab. And I'm never going back.

Ella, The Patient Has the Disease... Not You

Today in genetics class a family came to present their son... who had PKU. PKU patients are unable to break down phenylalanine... and must observe a VERY restricted diet for their entire lives. They essentially cannot ingest any excess protein. Ever. No dairy, no meat, no beans, no cheese, NADA. Food must be purchased from special "low-protein" manufacturers. Severe mental retardation can occur if they don't follow this diet. Imagine trying to raise a child with such severe dietary restrictions. No cupcakes. No eggs. No hot-dogs. No roast beef sandwiches.

Then, in the middle of the presentation, I got hungry. Like REALLY hungry. Stomach growling, shaky, hypoglycemic hungry. Must have been all that talk about food restriction. I wanted to pull out my crackers... but I figured that might be bad form... since this little kiddo was running around the auditorium. What if he saw my peanut butter Ritz and decided he wanted one? What if I induced some crazy craving in him? What if he went nuts screaming about peanut butter crackers? What if his parents called me out in front of the whole auditorium and loudly said "Excuse me, could you please put those away?" I could only think about how I feel every time I try to go low carb for a while... and how much I crave crackers. Especially with almond butter. How I feel when I am on a diet and somebody tempts me with an Epoisses cheese plate and fresh baked french bread. Finally I couldn't take it anymore... I snuck one at a time when the kid was at the other side of the auditorium.

So I'm jealous...

Of those girls. You know the ones. The ones in class who sit there... ever so calm and collected... knitting. Yes folks, I'm jealous of the girls that knit. There's several in class. They don't take notes. Well, I don't take notes either... but not for any cool reason like knitting. I don't take notes because it's too boring and I won't read them anyways. I'm just, well, doing nothing.... just thinking up a million new ideas every 10 seconds and listening to lecture. I guess I'm an auditory learner. I'd love to have something else interesting to do. When I was an epidemiologist I had to review tons of ID cases. Which was ever so boring, and took me FOREVER. But I noticed that if I piled on a few more senses... like simultaneously drinking tea, listening to an audio book, face-booking, AND reviewing cases... I could get them cranked out significantly more efficiently. Now maybe all that wouldn't work for making it through lecture... but knitting.... that's another story. It all looks so soothing... beautiful yarn, complicated stitches, back and forth... and then poof! The next day the fuchsia yarn turns into a cute sweater... that she's WEARING. Then I'm envious all over again. She can make CLOTHES while sitting in med school. If only I could do that with shoes....

Boyfriend as Psychiatrist

Ahhh. Dating a psychiatrist. Well, I guess we're past dating because we own a home together... but just for fun, I'll say we're dating. So of course you've heard that all psychiatrists are crazy. Well let me clear up that rumor right now. It's true. My boyfriend is nuts. In a good way. Most of the time.

The cool thing about dating a psychiatrist is that he is acutely insightful about everything he does wrong. For instance if I say angrily, "How many friggin' times do I have to tell you....If you don't RINSE the sponge with hot water and SQUEEZE it dry, it gets moldy. Do you SMELL that? Do you want to eat off a plate cleaned with THAT?" He'll say "Ok, you're right. That sounds logical. I'll try to be better. I'm not promising anything... but I'll do my best to remember." Ok, so this kind of psychiatrist talk gets under my skin a little... cause it seems a little condescending but what can you really say to that answer??... However, it sure beats "Yo bitch, if you'd do the damn dishes yourself we wouldn't have this problem"

Additionally, what's cool is that he always sticks up for me by labeling others with Axis I disorders to make me feel better. For instance, if I am complaining about how Alisha is too boy crazy and a drama queen... he'll be like "Well, she's classical histrionic. Hypersexual type." Or if I complain that somebody stood me up twice for a meeting and didn't call he'll say "He's so ADD he can barely function"

Ok, the part that sucks is that when you're dating a relatively insightful person... you're supposed to be insightful and reflective too. On demand. Which I'm not. I'm much more of a "go to bed pissed, wake up a little grumpy, forget about it an hour later and never think about it again type of person". I am definitely NOT a "lets talk about this, what could I do better, here's what you could do better, yes in retrospect a good compromise would be, kiss and make up" type of person. And dating someone who is a "lets talk about" kind of person can make you feel incredibly immature when you just prefer to skulk and steam for a little while, then forget about. Because the disconnect leads to "I really don't think we properly resolved that problem last month. I think we should talk about it again and make a list of the things we should do better" from him... and all I'm thinking is "uh....what argument????"

There IS Such a Thing as a Free Lunch

10 Ways to get a Free Meal in Medicine...

1. Resident recruitment dinners

2. Pharmaceutical dinners

3. Club meetings at lunchtime (technically this would be lunch I guess)

4. Hang out near the doctor's lounge... someone will invite you in

5. Clinical trials investigator's meetings

6. Dean's hours

7. Department weekly meetings (Cardiology has AWESOME food. Big budget I guess)

8. Interview meals

9. Journal Club

10. Academic Conferences

You can pretty much LIVE this way... my boyfriend brings home PILES of food after conferences or things left over from a journal club. Tonight we're going to a resident recruitment dinner. Yay!

Sympathetic Crying

I'm a sympathetic crier. And a sympathetic vomiter. And a sympathic sleeper (I can't STAND seeing someone cozy sleeping while I have to study. I instantly fall asleep). But today I'm talking about crying. Because I think I've just recently discovered that I am WAYYYY too sensitive. Not in a "she said something mean about me" kind of way. Rather, I let myself get emotionally wrapped up in my patients. Or any patients. I have the syndrome. Thinking that what's happening to my patients is actually happening to me.

For instance, in genetics class we have patient presentations. Patients with genetic diseases come with their parents to discuss their experience with the disease process. I'm practically in tears the whole time. And once the parent starts crying I really lose it. Today a mom started crying when she discussed finding out that two of her children had the same genetic disease. She started, then I started. Not full on snot and tears, but enough to where I feel the hard lump in my throat, my eyes get watery and my nose a little flushed.

And recently a prominent physician at my school was murdered. I didn't know him AT ALL beyond simply seeing him in the hospital. But I lost SLEEP over this, folks. And we all know how precious sleep is these days.

I guess I'm just wondering if this gets better?

First Time Being a Rockstar

Yesterday I went to visit my preceptor, the bariatric surgeon. One of his patients was having what they thought were complications from a procedure... so he sent her over to the ER. She had a gastric bypass 10 years ago... then a resectioning about 6 months ago. She started having complications so they put in a stent and a drain on the mid-axillary line. But that was a couple months ago. Today, the patient's chief complaint was that she was having increasing pain on inspiration, and the docs were thinking that possibly the stent slipped... or maybe she had an infection where the drain was.

When we visited the patient, the drain seemed to be ok. No obvious signs of infection, no pus, no fluid accumulation. Also the Chest Xray showed the stent was in place. So the doc was basically planning on waiting for the lab results and CT scan to come in.

So then my preceptor says to me "Do you have any questions you'd like to ask, doctor?" (LOVE it, by the way, when I get called doctor)

Which I did. So I asked the patient if she was having simply pain on inspiration... or if she was also having trouble catching her breath. She thought about it and said both. Which started recently. I suggested that she might have pneumonia. To which the doc said... "Maybe"

Before I left the doc said to call tomorrow for the results. I called today and he'd left me a message. I was right. Pneumonia. YAY!!!!! Well... yay for me not her.

Help

I'm having an anatomy breakdown....

Eyeballs

If you know anything about me, you should know that eyes skeeve me out. I don't like foreign objects in eyes (especially pencils, fish hooks, etc), I hate "retinal tears" and the idea of a buckle (ohhhhhhhhh, god.......)... and frankly, I'm a -10 in both eyes and would rather be eaten alive by maggots than to go get lasik (which I am an "ideal" candidate for). I do manage to put my contact lenses in in the morning, and to take them out at night... but that's about the extent of my strength. Beyond that... there's hyperventilation, weak knees, all-over shakiness, increased pulse, and a distinct feeling of nausea.

I'm not sure of the source of this irrational fear... Maybe because as a young child my ophthalmologist yelled at me when I couldn't put in my first pair of contacts, then he grabbed my face and stuck them in my eyeballs? Or all those "eye trauma" pictures in EMT books I sneaked pics of as a kid... (while all the other kids were sneaking looks at porn, I was looking at trauma... go figure)... Or maybe it's from when I was a firefighter and one of my first calls was a little girl who zipped her eyeball into her hoodie. Hell I don't know.

So why oh WHY did I go to lab today? Today when we dissected the eyeball? So I could see the frontal bone of the skull being crushed by a hammer to access the orbit? No. So I could see my lab mates skin the eyelids and remove the rectus muscles? So I could poke the optic nerve? Nope... not those reasons either.

I went with the sick idea that maybe... just maybe... participating in the dissection would toughen me up a little. You know "what doesn't destroy you makes you stronger?" Well, that was a big fat negative. I tried to be tough for the first 20 minutes... then I was destroyed. Grossed out. I didn't even DO anything. Oh, my lab group hates me I'm sure... but I just couldn't. It was just.... EEEEWWWWWEEEEEE.

Genetics

A new class... yay! I'm really ready for a change of gears... hopefully this will be cool. So far so bad though... I actually fell asleep during the first lecture set. Hopefully it will get more exciting...

18 Specialties For D.O.'s

Here's a list of the 18 Specialties that D.O.'s can become board certified in (not counting sub-specialties):

1. Anesthesiology

2. Emergency Medicine

3. Dermatology

4. Family

5. Internal (plus 11 sub-specialties - Cardio, Allergy, ID, GI, Oncology, etc.)

6. Neurology and Psychiatry

7.Neuromusculoskeletal

8. Nuclear Med

9. OB/GYN

10. Ophthalmology

11. Orthopedics

12.Pathology

13.Peds

14. PMnR

15. Preventative

16. Proctology

17. Radiology

18. Surgery

Not to mention, DO's can apply to allopathic residencies and then apply for board certification in those as well....

Doesn't seem so limiting now, eh?

Whoa.... psychiatrists and neurologists... relax. The AOA lists them that way. Don't shoot the messenger.

Well since we're on the subject....

I put my DO vs. MD link on the side, had a few comments, and others are posting about it again. Here's Ella's version of the straight dope.

Moment of truth: If I had to do this again. I would have gone to DO school.

GASP!

Not because I don't love my school or my program. I love where I'm at. But I could have gone to DO school years ago. I could have been a doctor by now, half way done with residency. I didn't do it out of pride. Pretty much pride only. Because I wanted to be an MD, and because I didn't want to "defend" my education to others. Which is a pretty BS reason to waste years of your life.

Additionally, I think I would have had a different peer group. More alternative routes to med school, more diverse backgrounds, and more older students. Which is something I do feel that I miss out on here.

I really don't think the education is any different. And while there is undeniable residual stigma associated with osteopathic schools... I think it's lessening. All the time I hear MDs say how cool the DO physical manipulation is. And how so-n-so is a DO and is amazingly good. And I promise... very soon osteopathic schools will have the exact same academic criteria for admission. Some of the best osteo schools are already there (like the Texas program). Others are building their reputations.

Consider it. Or don't... and spend however many extra years of your life stressing about how you can POSSIBLY become an MD.

Be Nice To Med Students

We had an admissions meeting this week, and I found out that med students at my school play a "significant" role in choosing who is accepted.

Quote from our Dean.. "Acceptance is based on three equal votes. One from the Ad Com, one from the Faculty, and one student vote. And depending on the faculty member, sometimes the student vote counts more"

Esentially, students at my school can influence someone's acceptance in three ways:

1. An admissions "vote" after interviewing a candidate

2. A recommendation submitted on behalf of a candidate

3. A "blackball" ......aka you are NOT getting in ....

So make sure you are extra nice to med students during your interviews.

CELLULAR BIOCHEM DONE!!!

Well, my first med school class is officially over! Too bad it's not anatomy. So Monday I start Genetics. Yay! Will let you know when I receive an official "Pass"

P=MD Baby

UPDATE: PASSED... it's official!

Texting

Last night my lab partner text me. The following conversation ensued. I thought it was cute... so I'm posting:

Him: Do you have any problem with me taking home our skull to study this weekend?

Me: Damn. I was really hoping I could get it first. (Sighs reluctantly)... Ok, but you owe me BIG time. Just don't use it for a Halloween decoration, ok?

Him: Seriously? If you want it I can leave it in the lab and just go in over the weekend.

Me: Ok, that was a JOKE. Don't you know me at all? Can you really picture me bringing home a human SKULL? YUCK!

Him: LOL, I just wanted to check because I don't want to get any of your crazy eyes

FYI: My lab partners think that I have "crazy eyes"... which apparently are the worst thing you can get next to a visit from the Grim Reaper.

Here's a Clip of the REAL Patch Adams. Nutty, but Adorable.

Patch Adams on Medical Technology

Reverse Psychology

Last night I went to a pharm dinner at an awesome restaurant. My boyfriend and I occasionally hit up these dinners bc it's a cool way to get info on random drugs ... plus you get free dinner from a fancy place that we're normally way too broke to ever go to.

Usually, we expect that the presentation will be highly biased and will promote whatever drug as the new best thing since penicillin. So we go in with our secret decoder rings on to filter out all the BS.

And, yes, I'm aware of all the ethical issues surrounding pharm dinners and perks, and frankly I think its BS. As a physician in training I think I'm savvy enough to know that walking into a drug company meeting I'm not going to find a comprehensive, unbiased description of XYZ drug or condition. And I mean really, the pen thing??? Get real. (although I totally understand doing away with gifts and incentives like trips to Europe for writing 400 scripts in a month, etc.)

But last night we discovered that Eli Lilly is up to a new trick. They didn't try to push a drug on us. In fact, they didn't even MENTION a drug. I don't even know WHAT drug they were promoting. Basically a physician speaker came in a presented current research (not from Eli Lilly either) on metabolic disease prevalence among those with mental illness. We actually learned something. Didn't feel pressures. Didn't need our decoder rings. Had a great dinner. For free.

Eli Lilly, if this is an attempt at reverse psychology... nice work.

Novel Skill As Currency

The other day NPR did a story on economics and monkeys. Essentially a researcher observed that monkeys use "grooming" as a way to sort out their societal hierarchy. Top monkeys get groomed by lower level monkeys and never have to groom anyone. Low level monkeys groom top level monkeys and are never groomed by anyone. Got it?

So they took a low level monkey and taught her an important skill. They taught her to open a jar of apples. All of the sudden, BAM, she became a top monkey and was groomed and pampered and yada, yada... She actually changed her status in society by acquiring a skill novel to the group.

THEN, they trained a second monkey to open the jar of apples. Guess what? The PERCEPTION of the value of the skill went down... and attention and grooming paid to both "skillful" monkeys was significantly less than the first monkey.

Now I don't know if this study seems significant to you all.... but I find this INCREDIBLE. First, it shows that the law of supply and demand in found in nature. And that other groups beyond humans have an economical society. But most of all... it shows that all members of a society are not equal. And that your position in society (according to nature) is based on merit and unique skill and what you contribute to the group. Novel idea, eh?

Point of the story? Find a niche in medicine... (not necessarily a SPECIALTY)... and be good at it. Whatever you want... being the world's expert on Cushing's Syndrome in latino countries, or an expert in clinical symptoms of helminth infections, or start an OB service in rural Alaska. SOMETHING that gives you value and that you can contribute.

My friend Dr. J also gave me this advice a while back... If you have value in medicine, you will always have security... If you contribute nothing, you are always insecure and defensive towards those who do have value.

Getting Involved

For the first few months of med school I shied away from getting involved in any clubs or organizations (except the EM interest group) because I wanted to focus on school. Which was probably a good idea because most of the initial stuff I wasn't really interested in anyway. But just recently I've become involved with 2 really great organizations.

First, I was selected to be a representative for a historical club that organizes lectures on the history of healthcare in our city... as well as the history of diseases, diagnostics, etc. Very cool. Last week there was a cocktail party at a professor's house, and I was announced as a new representative (along with 3 others). I was pretty stoked!

Second, my friend "E" recommended me for a leadership position in the student run-clinic that I spoke of before. So now I'll be participating in that as well... which is damn cool!

A New Obsession

Something strange is happening to me. It happens all the time. I can't control it. It's all I can think about. During lecture. While studying. While eating lunch. You know what I'm talking about. Sleep. Yes, folks. Sleep.

Its not that I'm getting so little. Usually at least 5 hours at night, and maybe an afternoon nap for an hour. It's just that I'm stressed I guess.... and maybe sick... so therefore chronically fatigued. But I find myself zoning out during lecture.... fantasizing about how I could just duck down between the rows and prop my head on my backpack, my sweatshirt over me for warmth... and just catch a 10 minute cat nap. Maybe I could sneak to the student lounge while everyone else is in class. Or out to my car... the parking garage is pretty dark... and I could turn the heater on and be toasty warm. Ooh.. I even have contact solution in my bag...

And then something snaps me back to lecture... I take another sip of coffee in vain... and drag my tired butt around for the rest of the day. Nap-less.

One last reason why ortho is off my list

Bone saws + Bone dust = Disgusting!

Today we (well, not me as I was huddled in the corner trying to keep the bone dust out of my hair) used the bone saw to actually remove the skull. Circumferentially. Like a bowl. It just "popped" off. Then we just "popped" out the brain. Oh dear.

The point is that I do NOT like the smell of a saw burning through bone. It's white powder that permeates the air. And your hair. And eyes. And nostrils. And I swear I felt grit inside the roof of my mouth. Which means I could actually have cadaver dust in my mouth. Which is pretty much the grossest thing I can imagine next to having cadaver juice in my mouth. Which means I will not be considering ortho. Ever. Without a doubt.

Hello Lover...........

Well since ADoc2Be brought it up, and I never miss an opportuity to discuss shoes, here's a picture of my recent Christian Louboutin obsession. I'm 5'10" and would NEVER let that stop me from wearing these lovelies.

The real question is whether I can get away with wearing these with scrubs in the emergency department....

Please. Shut Up.

It's interview season. And around my school there are tons of nervous applicants all in black suits (what's up with THAT?...) milling around the halls or in our student lounge waiting for their next scheduled appointment. It's pretty cool... you get to chat a little and encourage them... give them pointers about certain interviewers.

But today I almost told a girl off. She was sitting in the lounge (with her black suit of course)... and loudly having a conversation with some other candidates who were noticeably more well behaved. At some point I pulled out my iphone and started recording what she said... because I knew no one would believe me. The diatribe went something like this...

Black suit girl (LOUDLY) "Yeah, I'm from California... where I worked as an EMT for company X... who were all FUCKING MORONS!!! I mean, every loser guy who can't get into college decides he wants to be an EMT... so I had to compete with all of THEM to actually get a job. SERIOUSLY, I could not handle that job. It FUCKING SUCKED!!! I'm used to a job where I can go where I want, when I want, and I don't have a schedule or a supervisor. I can't deal with having to show up at a certain time, when someone tells me to...."

Let's just say this lovely talk went on for about 20 minutes. As I sat there, I got progressively more steamed. Not to say that I don't do my fair share of bitching about morons. But not LOUDLY, WITH PROFANITY, and on my MED SCHOOL INTERVIEW! I thought about asking her her name so I could send the Dean a "grossly offended" blackball email. I considered asking her shut up. I considered ripping out her recurrent laryngeal nerve.

In the end I figured it wouldn't matter. She couldn't possibly behave herself on an interview. She couldn't possibly end up here. If she does, I can always resort to my laryngeal-nerve-severing ninja moves.

Ok Let's talk about HER

Her. The one I mentioned before. I'm sure everyone else is just as obsessed as I am. Dr. Kenton-Hadley. I only just met her recently, but I'd heard about her for years. My friend T who's now in med school in Texas used to work with her and he would always gush about her. She's SOOOO amazing. Beautiful. Smart. Accomplished. He'd come back from his project and say crap like "Maybe someday you'll be like her.... if you're lucky... and if you miraculously get beautiful and smart" And I'd think "Yeah, yeah. Whatever, Jerk."

Because truthfully, while I find some qualities I like in nearly every woman, it's a rare thing to find someone I truly look up to. A women who you say "Damn, I'd give a kidney to be like her". It just doesn't happen. At least to me.

Then I met her. And she is. Beautiful. Smart (and kind of a smart-ass). Accomplished. Philanthropic. She went to Harvard. She's been in People magazine. She saved our city after a Hurricane (only a slight exaggeration). And she has fabulous shoes. Lovely all around. And she makes me stupidly nervous like I'm talking to some guy I have a crush on. She's like a goddess around here.... Everyone (students, professors, and staff alike) talks about her like she just invented sliced bread. Knowing her, she probably did.

And as for the kidney thing... I would seriously consider it... even for the shoes alone.

It's Halloween

And people are dressing up their .... Dogs!!! Here's my friend Ally's dog (she's a Vet). He won the costume contest... as a Starbuck's Latte! Adorable, yes????

Oh... so phe-nom-enal!!!

So I've seen patients in the past. Fake patients faking it. Fake patients with real scenarios. Observed real patients. But today, TODAY I had my OWN REAL PATIENTS.... with real diseases!!! It was awesome.

I work at a free community clinic started by medical students from my school several years ago. Essentially there are tons of medical students and 1 or 2 attendings supervising everything. First year medical students take on the role of 3rd years, and 3rd year medical school students take on the role of the resident. We work up the patient and present it to the attending... who just happened to be Dr. Kenton-Hadley. She's basically my idol (except for Carrie Bradshaw and Carla Bruni of course)... and I want to be her. Am I obsessed? Definitely. I don't think she's acutely aware of my obsession... unless she noticed that I was hyperventilating while I presented my cases to her. More on Dr. Kenton-Hadley later.

I had two patients today. One had gout. The other was not happy about what she suspected to be a possible pregnancy. She was pregnant. And I told her. (well sort of... through a translator bc she didn't speak English). All in all, it was awesome.

Not going to lie though, paperwork sucks. Guess I better get used to it.

Oh Dear...

So here's one of the Navy's ships. It's name? HSV II Swift! Which is supposed to stand for High Speed Vessel II... and Swift no less....

Don't they have docs in the Navy that should step in and say "Uh, guys... not a good idea"?

Homogenous People

The other day I was talking to a girl at school and I could not remember her name. So I went home and checked out our little class book which has everyone's pictures and a little blurb about them. "Ah, Sophie. That's her" I thought. But then I came to Alain. That looks like her too. Shit. They really look alike. So I got the brilliant idea that I should briefly review our entire class book to see if I'm getting other people mixed up. Crap on crap. There are like 7 sets of girls that look practically identical to each other.

2 girls with curly brown hair that are super friendly and smily and the same height. Can't get them straight. I really have a tough time with these ones... because one is really nice to me and one I guess I haven't met... so she doesn't really talk to me. For a while I was thinking that she/they was just one really moody person.

4 blond tiny girls with med length straight hair. All pretty. No way this is getting worked out any time soon.

Then there's a girl in my lab who I talk to occasionally. She is a cute girl, but doesn't have any striking features like green streaks in her hair or a wart on her nose so I can easily identify her. I swear I had a full-on conversation with another girl last week thinking it was her. Oops.

I think the real problem here is that I can't recognize people for shit. In fact it's become so bad that I actually had to give myself a game-plan for what to do in case I get stuck in an embarrassing situation. I would explain it here... but then I'd be giving away my tricks... and everyone would know when I'm having a dumb-ass moment.

Professor Thomas

Professor Thomas is our school's confidant. Kind of a mix of a professor, a counselor, a priest, a dad, and a great resource. Supposedly you can tell him anything and he won't report it to the Deans office. Anything like "I spent my financial aid money on hookers" or "I can't study without speedballing" and supposedly if you do whatever he says it will remain confidential and you can come back to school after you get yourself straightened out. Which is pretty damn cool. Because in recent years I have become more and more aware of friends and classmates of mine who have severe drug problems and NO ONE EVER KNOWS. It's incredible at how good people are at staying stealth.

Ok, the point of this post was to discuss something that Professor Thomas told a group of us the other day. Basically he said that our school has only kicked out 5 (yes, F-I-V-E) students for poor academic performance. Ever. Like since dirt was young. Every single other student who has failed or was borderline was remediated by repeating a year or whatever (that's a $70k boo-boo I wouldn't want to make!)

To this, my classmates astutely pointed out that "Well, still... you don't want to end up as #6". And Professor Thomas said "Don't worry...It can't happen on accident. You really have to work HARD to get kicked out. Probably harder than you'd have to work to stay in."

Good to know.

Sucks for them...

Funny. Another blog I read White Coat mentioned this a few weeks back... and I kinda laughed. Then I got invited to a pharmaceutical dinner put on by Eli Lilly and the asterisk says "If you are a physician from the state of Minnesota or Massachusetts and have already fulfilled your $50 annual limit, we look forward to seeing you next year"

Sucks for them....

Getting Pimped

When you get pimped in medicine (AKA Shame-based learning), it means that your upper level, attending, or your professor basically tears you a new asshole in front of your peers by firing off a million questions designed to put you on the spot and make you look like a dumb ass in front of everyone. Well, I should clarify. That's what pimping IS, not what it's supposed to be. If I were an attending defending pimping, I'd probably say something to the effect of "it's the Socratic method of teaching, used in an attempt to facilitate group learning and discussions, etc. etc." Whatever. It sucks.

As I'm sure you've summoned, I'm not really a fan of getting pimped... but as I've gotten older I have to say I'm much better at dealing with it. For instance, I have no problem repeatedly stating that I have no idea what he/she is talking about. I know that there is so much to know in the world that it is OK to say "I don't know". Plus, admitting that you have no idea early on in the pimping session makes it much less enjoyable for the pimper (or maybe just pimp?) to continue his tirade. Additionally, I have no issue with telling somebody to get off my case. Usually I can ward off pimping pretty well. Not to say that a really good pimp couldn't still make my adrenaline surge or even prompt a few tears... but they'd have to be the world's biggest a-hole for that.

So some people advocate that they like professors who pimp because they make you think, they make you uncomfortable, and put you on your toes. I couldn't disagree more. For me, being in utter terror of not having the right answer never contributed positively to my learning processes.

Interestingly, the ones who pimp the most usually seem to be incredibly mediocre, unaccomplished and on their own narcissistic ego trip... out to demonstrate to the group that they know at least one thing that the pimpee doesn't know. It's totally not necessary. I have met some of the most accomplished, amazing, noble prize winning professors and NOT ONE of them ever did this crap to me. According to Buddha's requirements for being a great teacher, one must be deeply compassionate with their students and have ultimate patience. No where on the list does it mention "Pimp your students until they vomit from sheer panic".

Which happens. There are tons of stories about med students and residents getting so stressed out by pimping sessions that they actually pass out, have anxiety attacks, or burst out in tears. Two stories I've heard about at my school include a girl who passed out in anatomy lab after getting pimped (Yuck... hopefully she missed the cadaver), and a guy who passed out during a group learning session after getting grilled. I mean really. What can this possibly accomplish? Since when are "knowing the right answer in 1 second" and "being resourceful and intelligent" synonymous?

A Surgeon's Thoughts on Oncology

Since it's Block III, we have switched anatomy professors again. Our new one seems ok, decent guy, albeit a bit forgetful. Today he asked me to sit down with him and chat for a few minutes... apparently he likes to get to know each student on an individual level. Which I think is pretty nice. So he asked me where I was from, what I have done previously, yada yada. Then I told him how much I like EM, but I was trying to keep my options open. Then I mentioned how I was liking my pancreatic cancer research. He got wide eyes and said "so you like oncology?" I shrugged and said " I don't know, maybe"... then he gave me a funny look, waved his hand and said "Uh. Oncology is like pissing into the wind. Really." Not so encouraging... but funny nonetheless.

That's DOCTOR to you

Friday night my boyfriend and I went out with some friends of ours. He's a physician, she's a dentist. They live in a gated condominium with a security guard at the gate. Upon arriving, we told the guard that we were going to see our friend, Felix Ortiz. He stared at us blankly and suspiciously... as if we were secretly planing a terrorist attack. Again we told him.... "Felix Ortiz... on the 7th floor" Still nothing... "We can call him if you like?" Finally he rocks back on his heels and says "On the 7th floor? Well, that's DOCTOR Felix Ortiz".

Excuuuussseee me.......!!

I Love My iPhone...

I love my iPhone.... but not as much as a friend of mine who just got married in New York. Here's a pic of his groom's cake. Awesome, eh?

Now... to tie this into my pre-med blog... I just have to say that having an iPhone totally rocks... and rocks in medicine. I've been an iPhone junkie for a few years now... and it changed my life~

If you don't have one, you might want to consider it. The applications are endless... Epocrates, drug guides, medical dictionaries, translators, BMI calcs, vision acuity checks, even Pub Med! Not to mention you have your phone, GPS, calendar, email, internet at your fingertips!

Sick Again?

I don't know what the heck is going on, but I was sick for over 2 weeks in the middle of September, and now I am sick again. Head cold, sore throat and an ear infection from hell. Uh, I cannot afford this right now.

Ortho is Officially Off the List

Spend the better part of the morning watching a hip replacement... and can I just say YUCK! Not the field for me, that's for sure....

Here's a sampling of the things I heard this morning from ortho docs...

"So we're just going to take this thing here that looks like a cheese grater... and sort of shave off some of the acetabulum."

"Us ortho guys like to say 'When all else fails, examine the patient' "

"You might wonder if he needs all this bone marrow" (posed by the surgeon as he spills all the patients femur marrow onto the operating table..) "and the answer is Nah, he doesn't need it"

"This guy's bones are really strong, so I'm actually breaking a sweat" As he rams the rasp into the center of the femur.

Good thing I didn't pass out in front of the whole class. It was touch and go for a minute there.

A Plastic Hood, Cancerous Mist, and the Rainbow Chant

If you've never done it, you will soon. As demonstrated here by a very brave Canadian OT student, this was by far the most ridiculous experience thus far in medical school (BLS takes 2nd place). So today we were required to get fitted for a N95 respirator... some red tape, non-liability, bureaucratic BS so they can never say we weren't properly instructed on mask use should we come down with some nasty strain of TB.

Here's the bad part. I could NOT stop laughing. The instructors seemed so serious, and kept walking around spraying the inside of our hood with increasing concentrations of saccharine. Then they'd say "Can you taste or smell that?" Which of course I could... but I didn't want to be there for six hours... so I said no. And so did everyone else. The worst part? At one point they made us recite this diatribe about rainbows... and I could barely squeak out 2 lines without cracking up laughing. The instructors were not amused to say the least.

Anatomy Might Be Easier If You Know These Things In Advance

1. You don't have to know everything. I started hyperventilating when I saw my Netter's atlas for the first time, thinking I had to memorize everything on those plates. You don't. You are only responsible for a fraction of the material.

2. In anatomy lab, the body doesn't remain uh, organized. The body parts are all over the place! For instance, you are supposed to be identifying say... oh... a ureter. But the kidney has been displaced to XYZ location... possibly in the thoracic cavity or maybe just in a big pile of cadaveric nastiness on the table. So you don't have a point of reference... and you're thinking "Well, this could be the gonadal artery... or maybe some kind of crazy nerve... originally attached to... the posterior abdominal wall? the spleen? the stomach... no scratch that... wait, where's the damn kidneys? shit!" Mind you... this thinking process has to be completed in approximately 30 seconds while you are deciding which answer to write down.

3. Contact lenses + Anatomy lab = sad face. At least for me. My lab partners don't seem to have problems with their lenses, but mine feel horrible. The best way I can describe it is like getting icy-hot in your eye.

4. The better you know the theory of the body, the less time you have to spend in lab with the dead people. Lots of students spend tons of extra time in the lab reviewing things... and I initially went as well thinking I needed the practice. But I hated every minute of it. I hated the required time I had to spend in anatomy, let alone spending non-required time there. This block I couldn't bring myself to go in beyond the required dissections, and I thought for sure I was going to get my butt kicked on the practical... but I didn't. You can actually figure almost everything out if you have a working knowledge of what's what.... even sight unseen.

BLOCK II DONE!

And no one has called from the Dean's office to kick me out of med school!

My Babies Saying Good Morning

My 2 Loves = Travel + Medicine

So if you haven't figured it out, my 2 largest passions in life are travel and medicine. Followed closely by food, wine, and photography.... which we will have to discuss another day. But today I want to talk about the 1,000,001 ways you can blend medicine and travel together.

I haven't traveled anywhere near as much as I want to... basically just Brazil, Italy, Colombia, etc. but every experience has been wonderful. The great thing about being in medicine is that there are so many opportunities to travel... as a medical student (M), as a resident (R) or as a physician (P).

Here's a brief list of some of the things you can do:

1. International rotations during your 3rd and 4th year of medical school (M)

2. International electives anytime during medical school (M)

3. Medical mission project (usually over winter, summer, or spring break) (M,R,P)

4. International conferences - if you are invited by a consortium to speak as an expert in your field they will often foot the bill (usually only P)

5. Work internationally (R,P) - I can't even tell you how many 1000's of amazing job offers I get in my email inbox every month for AMAZING international jobs for physicians... ie. medical director of an HIV/AIDS project in Rwanda or a Malaria needs assessment director in Mozambique or a fertility specialist in Croatia. Usually these type of jobs don't pay as much as you'd make at home... but they certainly pay enough. And many of them are temporary contract projects. They can be funded by either the US government, the hosting government, international foundations like the World Health Organization, private foundations like Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation or a plethora (and I mean plethora) or non-profits from anywhere in the world.

6. Working in US Academics - (R,P)meaning that instead of getting a job at a private hospital like Kaiser Permanente you work for an academic institution like Johns Hopkins or UCLA. Part of your appointment will be as a physician in their affiliated hospitals and clinics (you're "doctor stuff").... but the other half of your job is to be a part of the medical school. As such, you'll be required to teach medical students or residents, conduct research, etc. depending on your contract. Many physicians work from their home academic hospital for several months, then travel internationally to work on their research... the institution footing the bill.

7. Start your own international project - (M,R,P) Which is what I would LOVE to do. I have always wanted to build a self-sustaining hospital in a rural area in a developing country. It's tough though, because you have to manage your bills at home AND fund yourself oversees. Interestingly however, many physicians manage to do it by moonlighting. Moonlighting is something any physician can do as long as they carry an appropriate state medical license. When you moonlight, you basically contract yourself out a night at a time to a hospital (usually a community-based hospital that doesn't have residents who take call at night) who needs someone to cover. Depending on the hospital, you can often make between $800 to several thousand dollars PER NIGHT. Nice, right? As cool as this sounds, you can't do it that often, bc otherwise you wouldn't get to sleep in between your day job hours. But for docs who work internationally they can spend time on their project in another country, then fly to the US, pick up enough shifts to finance them for a while, then go back to what they were doing... it works great! This sounds amazing to me.. but considering my heavy educational debt I didn't think it was possible... at least not for a long time. But then I met someone who did it. With debt. Same degrees I have, same school. He basically flies back to the US every summer and picks up 3 months of ER shifts and then goes back to his little hospital in South America. I went to a presentation of his on "how to"... and this is the best advice I've ever received.

He said to be an international doctor you have to do a few things:

• Pick a residency that you love - it can be anything. Don't pick something that you think will be useful internationally... everything is useful
• Learn languages early
• Pick a spouse with compatible goals
• Getting another advanced degree (like an MPH) gives you credibility when you need it, resources from people who've done the same, and a knowledge base

8. Pharmaceutical Clinical Trials - Often when you participate in clinical pharmaceutical trials as a resident or a physician (or even as a study coordinator) you are invited to attend investigator meetings in international locations (usually Europe)... and they are pretty posh.

Anyway, many opportunities await you in lands far away...

Things That Happen in Elevators

My post the other day about the lady I met in the elevator got me thinking... I've had some interesting things happen in elevators at the med school over recent years...

1. While studying for the MCAT I was in the elevator of the med student building holding a Kaplan book... and probably looking rather haggard, sleep deprived and discouraged. A med student looked at me and started lamenting about how horrible the MCAT was... and how he wouldn't wish it on his worst enemy. He was like "Good, luck (dripping with sarcasm)... that's the worst thing I've EVER had to do. I would rather DIE than have to do that again. Seriously, just scoop out my eyes with a spoon instead of making me do just ONE MCAT passage...etc. etc. etc.". Needless to say, he didn't make me feel much better.

2. I was walking back from the mailroom of my apartment in the med school housing, and I'd just received my rejection letter from my first attempt applying to the med school where I am now attending. I was barely holding it together when I got into the elevator with a preppy, good looking guy in a suit with a name-tag... obviously an interviewee. He was staring at me for a few seconds with a big smile... then very friendly asked if I was a med student here. Whoops! Wrong question, wrong girl, wrong time! I burst into tears, said "No. And apparently I'm not going to be! So you should be very grateful that you have interviews... cause not everybody does...!"... waving my rejection letter. He looked so surprised and stammered... "Uh... I'm sorry?". I jumped off the elevator at the next floor and ran to my room. Poor guy. He didn't know what estrogen-saturated can of worms he opened with that innocent question. Hopefully he didn't end up here...

3. Last week in the parking garage I was late to class and running to catch an elevator that was closing before I could get in. A young doctor must have noticed my facial expression of despair, because he blocked the door to wait for me. Once I was in he said "See, I risked my hands for you. Wasn't that nice of me?" to which I said "I guess you're not a surgeon, then.". He looked confused and asked why... and I said "Isn't there some joke about surgeons sticking their heads between elevator doors... cause they can spare their brains but not their hands?". To which he replied "Well, I am a surgeon, and I've never heard that". Whoops!

If You Don't Believe That Things Happen For A Reason....

You should. Fate is a very strange entity, indeed.

Tonight I'm sitting on my bed... blogging away and lamenting to my boyfriend (who was watching the news) about my blog, my ideals, being different from everyone else, my debt, my background, etc. A minute later he flips the screen around and says... "Hey, there are other people who've done the same thing.... look!" I watch for a second and nearly fall off my bed. CNN is profiling an ER doctor who is discussing his alternative background, his rocky application, and his choices in medicine.

That's not the reason I nearly fell off my chair. It's because I know him. Dr. Ruiz. I worked for him as a clinical researcher in the ER while I was at Harvard... and here he is... on CNN... discussing some of the very same issues I've been bogged down with all day.

Tell me THAT's not a strange coincidence?

Reasons Why Being A Med Students Rocks

1. No more pre-med!!!! - This is by far the #1 reason. All that panic, feelings of inadequacy, worry about debt, trying to prove you're "good enough", trying to figure out what the hell else you'll do if you don't get accepted.... that's all gone. All of that oscillating between "I want to be a doctor more than anything on the planet" and "holy Mary mother of GOD, I CANNOT take this anymore" is gone. You're there. There are very few things you can do to F&%# up your situation at this point (which we will discuss in another post).

2. You finally get to study things that are 100% relevant to your interests. You don´t have to study horrible science classes with no clinical applications, no survey classes that are way below your intellectual capabilities and are in no way able to keep your interest, no fluff BS classes like "Introduction to Liberal Arts", and no suffering through painfully boring lectures that a hold absolutely no relevance to your career goals. Even BIOCHEM in med school is wonderful. I promise.

3. People start telling you that you're smart. - Which may not seem like a big deal, but it's an interesting phenomenon. I don't ever particularly remember feeling as though people thought I was an idiot... but I do remember always feeling the need to demonstrate that I was capable. Before, it always seemed like professors and advisors were a little (or a lot) on the discouraging/skeptical side. If I had an idea, question, or whatever I was usually faced with 762 reasons why my idea was ridiculous or not possible. In med school your professors LISTEN to you.... and they seem genuinely happy and excited to answer your questions. And when you have a new idea, they say "I don't know, try it!". It's amazing! It's as if I've entered into this whole world where I am suddenly considered credible and capable. It's pretty damn nice, actually.

4. You're one of the "Good Guys" - You're going to be a doctor, and for all intents and purposes that's the same as actually being a doctor for most people... and you are suddenly a "good guy". "Good Guys" are few and far between. Firefighters are good guys. Lawyers, not so much.. The definition of a "good guy" is someone that everyone generally assumes to be benevolent, trustworthy, well intentioned... and who is welcome in nearly every society in the world. As long as you conduct yourself appropriately, your title as a physician... as a healer... automatically gives you privileges that other people have to earn over time. For instance, people listen to you, respect what you say, and will let you see them naked within 5 minutes of knowing them. Not to say that you can't screw up your identity as a "good guy"... because many doctors do. But your default starting position in mainstream society is as a "good guy". If you keep your reputation solid, it's like having a golden ticket at Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.

5. Your family starts calling you for medical advice - For which, you can say something innocuous like "I think you have a virus"... then charge them $220 bucks! (Just Kidding!)

Thank You To My Readers

I opened my inbox and I CAN NOT believe how many lovely notes I received which demonstrate that all the things that I hoped to accomplish with this blog are indeed happening... albeit rather silently. I guess my target audience is a little soft-spoken and shy compared to some of the obnoxious loudmouths... so for all of you and your inspiring emails, thank you! For a little while there I felt like I was just throwing myself into traffic for the fun of being dragged over speedbumps...by my hair.

And for now, I'll be keeping the blog public. Your feedback keeps me doing this... so please continue to read, comment, and ask questions. I am happy to be a source of entertainment and hopefully a few resources for whatever journey you are on... be it the path to med school, your career as a physician or your road to healing as a patient. To everyone who wrote an email, you'll be on my invite list in the event of catastrophe. And thankyou. Thankyou.

Surprisingly....

I guess I'm at a more liberal school than I anticipated... because the other day one of my professors was discussing the use of medical marijuana.... and seemed to be more or less in favor of using it. His attitude was largely "Well, if it works, why not?" which really impressed me coming from him. If he was a young radical hippy family medicine guy I wouldn't have thought anything of it... but this guy is old school. And old.

And in honor of that discussion.. here's a REAL funny that my Dad sent me. And he doesn't even smoke... unlike most my friend's parents. (Hey, I grew up in Northern California).

Ouch

Wow. Just took a biochem test. Or maybe it took me. Yikes, that was really hard. Hopefully by this time next week I'll still be in med school. That's what I get for saying that I wasn't freaking out. Damn.

Blogs, Blogs

Oh, what to do. So blogging is only fun when you're somewhat anonymous.. and things have been getting oddly non-anonymous. Plus the internet is the internet and assholes seem to crawl out from every rock they're festering under to chip in their 2 cents. For the record, the point of this blog is to have a forum for medical discussions, venting, ranting, ethics, pre-med issues, and all around positive talk. That's it.

What to do? Make the blog private? Maybe. Sort of defeats the purpose. But I thought that would work. Then my boyfriend told me that was mean... leaving my readers out in the cold with no warning (including him, I guess)... which was advice I somewhat ignored out of irritation of the whole situation.

But then the emails came. Quite a few. Requests to re-open and invite. So I'm opening this up for a little while to get some feedback. Any thoughts on keeping the blog open, by invite only, etc? I haven't decided what my plan of action is... but at the very least if I make the blog private and you'd like an invite... send me an email to doctorella2013@gmail.com and I'll put you on the list.

Thanks,

Ella

Dr. Kovec + Ella = BFF

I have a bad habit of asking millions of questions. Always. And because I feel that either 1) I'm asking a question when my classmates are dying to leave, or 2) I've interrupted something important to ask a rather stupid question... I often preface my question with an "I'm sorry, I have one more question" Today I had a case review with my group and Dr. Kovec. I was getting ready to leave when he addressed my by name.

"Ella, stay a moment please."

Oh shit. I knew I shouldn't have asked that dumb question earlier about listening for an abdominal aortic dissection. I'm such an idiot.

"Yes, sir?"

"Don't apologize for asking questions. It makes you look weak. And you have very wise questions, smart girl"

"Ok, I'll be better"

Whew!!! 3rd time he's called me "smart girl", AND I have "wise questions". We've come a long way from him yelling at me for squeezing a lung too softly.

Oh, funny!

Today after anatomy, I headed home without bothering to change my clothes. I got into the elevator with a little old lady, so I said "Sorry, I smell so bad, I was in anatomy class" She just looked at me, smiled, and said "That's ok dear, old people smell too"

LOL

How Did I Get So Lucky?

Well, I wished that I could say I planned this, but I didn't. If it were up to me, I probably would have gone to one of the other 2 schools I got wait-listed at... just because they were cheaper. But alas, I'm here. And I am SOOOOO at the right school.

I'm so thankful to be at a school where grades are truly pass/fail, the students help each other, the professors aren't out to trick you, everybody acts like everyone else is equally intelligent, and it's fun to go to school. It's odd to be in an academic environment where the professors assume you're bright by default simply by virtue of being in med school.... and you don't have to prove yourself to anyone. Much different from pre-med when a professor will stand up in front of an entire o-chem class and say how this class is going to "separate the boys from the men" or how it's a "weeding out process for med school". That was always sooooo encouraging. Anyway, it's nice to be taken seriously when you ask a question or have an opinion. And I LOVE that the attitude here is largely "everything is fine, do you best, relax, you'll be a doctor at the end of this... even if we have to bottle feed you the whole damn way".

If you can't tell, I have block exams this week.... and I'm oddly not freaking out. I don't have to worry about being at the top of my class, and my grades so far are nowhere near failing... so I just feel really happy overall. And nobody seems to be freaking out that much. Granted, I don't know how everybody feels... but I haven't seen anyone in dry heaves or obviously strung out on adderall... so I'll take that to mean that everyone else is doing reasonably well also.