The Journey to an MD .........and Beyond: Crazy Patients

Showing posts with label Crazy Patients. Show all posts

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Well, your penis might fall off

Today I had a patient at clinic ask me for medicine that would give him a "boner" for 3 days in a row. He quickly changed his mind when I told him (on command of the attending), that 3 days of continuous erection could cause his penis to fall off.

Funny how the idea of a 3 day boner suddenly didn't seem so appealing.

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Character List

Lolo - epidemiologist girlfriend I met while getting my Master's

E - close girlfriend one year ahead of me in med school at my school. We also got our master's degrees together

Kiluam - volcanologist/geologist guy friend from Phoenix. We used to work in an insectarium together

Eli/Mr. Psychiatrist - ex-boyfriend of 3 years

Analiese - med/neuro resident at my school

Leslie - friend, resident, supermom

Dr. J - friend, mentor, attending, scatterbrain. I used to work with him, but now we're just friends.

Lizzard - getting her PhD in epi, she and Lolo and I met in school

M - Lizzards boyfriend, aka bow-tie guy, although I met him through work, new fellow at my school

Dr. Kenton-Hadley - superhero chick/obsession #1, former chair of IM, rockstar

Dr. R - superhero/obsession #2, female EM resident at the discount school down the street

Panda - anatomy lab partner, aka cutie patootie

Luke - my hound dog, aka love of my life

Lucia - FMG from Colombia, just got residency spot in Psych

Mr. Stupidly Gorgeous - Harvard EM doc, who is, in fact, stupidly gorgeous.

Down the street boy (aka boy #1) - we're friends. we date sometimes. sometimes not. it's complicated but worth it.

Netter - god of anatomy, if you don't know him now, you will

Robbins - god of pathology

Rew - lab partner #2, aka guy that generally saves my ass by reminding me of all the shit I forget to do

Rin - lab partner #3, she and I are on the board of the student clinic together

Teve - lab partner #4, aka Mr. Stupidly Smart. Ugh... wait a minute...

Rica - girlfriend in my med school class who lives by me. we hung out pretty much every day second semester of MS2

Ritt - friend of Rica.

B1- aka dollface boy (who ah-hem might go to the same school as me) that I occasionally get lucky enough to go out on a date with

B2 - friend of Lolo's who is applying to med school and we are all cheering for him (right??)

MB - my artist/boxer guy friend who gives me the best advice ever

Anthony Michael Hall(AMH)-- me, MB and AMH are a trio. Total doll of a friend.

Doc Awesome - my FM attending

R - my soulmate girlfriend & soon to be doc. we were out of each others lives for a few years... but recently reconnected and its like no time has passed.

P-brain - actually has the opposite of a pea-brain. Probably one of the smartest guys I know. We met on Peds. He's going to be an amazing neurosurgeon.

MED SCHOOL CLASSES

Microbiology - DONE!

Clinical Diagnosis - DONE

Pharmacology- DONE

Pathology - DONE

Inflammation - Done!!

Neurology - DONE

Histology - DONE

Physiology - DONE DONE!!!!!!

Metabolic Biochem - DONE!!

Cellular Biochem - DONE!!!!!!

Anatomy - DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Genetics - DONE!!!!!!!

Nutrition - DONE

Embryology - DONE!!!!!

Foundations - YEAR I and II DONE

ROTATIONS

#1 Internal Medicine DONE!

#2 Surgery DONE! (barely survived)

#3 Radiology DONE!

#4 Study break...Step One passed!!

#5 Peds... DONE!

#6 Family Med... DONE!

#7 EM....DONE!

#8 Anesthesiology.... DONE!

#9 Breast Surgery...... DONE!

#10 OB/GYN..... in progress.....

REAL PROFILES

I've started listing everyone I personally know who has journeyed to med school, law school, dental school or nursing school.... and a few details about them. Some are traditional students, some non-trads, and some are REALLY non-trads. The point is to see that there are WAYYY more who've had difficulty getting in than those who breezed in with perfect grades and scores directly out of undergrad. And some with perfect scores and grades who never got in at all. As I remember more, I'll add to the list...

PS: NONE of these are students in my med school class. They are all from my previous life.

1. 31 MCAT, 4.0, researcher at UCSF, went directly from undergrad to Irvine med school

2. Strong grades at Top Tier undergrad, MCAT unk, rejected from all US schools out of undergrad, accepted to Ross, didn't go, re-applying to US schools

3. From high school directly to med school/undergrad combined 7 year program, didn't have to take the MCAT, finished IM at an awesome institution (that white stuff that goes on sandwiches)

4. and 5. Master's students with me. Didn't do exceptionally well on the MCAT, both went to the Caribbean and seem to have liked it. Now doing rotations in the US.

6. Waited until her husband graduated from med school, at 27 just finished her pre-reqs and is taking the MCAT in a few weeks.

7. Smarty smarty from small liberal arts school. 30 MCAT, 3.9 in biology major, went to a sister-linkage program in Nebraska directly from undergrad.

8. Graduated undergrad at age 30 after a career in pro baseball, applied several times to med school and got accepted in a linkage program school in Nebraska.

9. 29 year old pro-wrestler, Masters in O-chem, Neuroscience researcher, 3.8 GPA, O-chem TA, 40 MCAT. Denied from med schools twice, currently PhD candidate.

10. Bio major at Arizona State University, HIV counselor, public health work, research, 3.5 gpa, took Kaplan MCAT course, took MCAT twice, low scores, repeated ENTIRE Kaplan course. Status unknown.

11. Masters student with me, took a couple years off after undergrad, strong masters grades, 31 MCAT, accepted at state school

12. Horrible undergrad GPA with way too many units to ever make a difference by re-taking classes. Got Masters degree in science based program, 36 on the MCAT, accepted at state med school after 2nd application.

13. Good but non-stellar undergrad, got Masters degree with excellent grades, published a legit paper, MCAT 24, got accepted at DO school.

14. Naval academy guy, got Masters degree in Neuroscience, got 30+? on the MCAT, went to a great med school at age 30.

15. Age 27, Chemistry TA and chem major at Arizona State, applied twice to dental school, graduated this year

16. Young biochem major graduated from Arizona State, decent grades, wants to go to dental school but can't seem to do well on the DAT

17. Undergrad took 10 + years to finish, repeated science classes over and over, terrible MCAT, accepted in the Caribbean. Married with 3 kiddos.

18. Graduated science bachelors and masters from Ivy League, retook the MCAT to finally get a 27, after 1 re-application got accepted to top-tier med school.

19. From undergrad at small liberal arts directly to law school

20. Age 45+ engineer decided to go to med school, completed Harvard PBPM, accepted to Yale Medical School

21. Married 5 years ago, mom with 3 children under the age of 5, just started nursing school.

22. 36 MCAT. Above 3.0 GPA. Denied from med school 6 times (S-I-X)... finally accepted at top tier. Ouch.

23. Marginal scores, accepted to medical school in Tel Aviv, Israel, completed 2 years, transferred to a decent US medical school 3rd year and graduated.

24. Non-trad, applied US several times and got denied, lots of research experience, mediocre grades and scores, accepted in Tel Aviv and really likes it.

Doctor Quotes and Jokes

“"Virus" is a Latin word used by doctors to mean, "Your guess is as good as mine”

"The difference between an itch and an allergy is about one hundred bucks."

"A patient going to a doctor for his first visit was asked, ''And whom did you consult before coming to me?'' ''Only the village druggist,'' was the answer. ''And what sort of foolish advice did that numbskull give you?'' asked the doctor, his tone and manner denoting his contempt for the advice of the layman. ''Oh,'' replied his patient, with no malice aforethought, ''he told me to come and see you.''"

"He's the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines" Benjamin Franklin

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

The Journey to an MD .........and Beyond

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Saturday, December 11, 2010

Well, your penis might fall off

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