Faculty on seeing a badness EKG, "Oh, Shit. Somebody tell this guy not to buy the full size toothpaste. He's only going to need travel size"
Advice from my 75 year old attending surgeon: "Slow down there! Surgery is like making love. You get points for skill, not speed"
Surgery Resident " YEAH! We fixed the SHIT out of that!!!"
Tranfusion Medicine Prof: "So this is for the average 70kg patient, which doesn't exist here in Louisiana. That's about the size of a leg here"
German microbio prof that sounds exactly like Julia Child (seriously): "So this infection tends to cause problems in menstruating women, but not in, you know, NORMAL people. Oh dear, I shouldn't have said that, should I?"
famous pulm prof says... "Wow! Your next exam is cardio AND pulmonary? Well, that would tap about 90% of all the knowledge I have. The other 10% is just some worthless sports trivia and tips on how to find naughty websites"
DISEASE is when your "ease" gets "dissed"! Path Prof
Nutty Neuro Prof "The basal ganglia is kind of like the deans office of the brain. It takes up a whole lot of space, but nobody is really sure what the hell it actually accomplishes."
Surgery Resident " YEAH! We fixed the SHIT out of that!!!"
Tranfusion Medicine Prof: "So this is for the average 70kg patient, which doesn't exist here in Louisiana. That's about the size of a leg here"
German microbio prof that sounds exactly like Julia Child (seriously): "So this infection tends to cause problems in menstruating women, but not in, you know, NORMAL people. Oh dear, I shouldn't have said that, should I?"
famous pulm prof says... "Wow! Your next exam is cardio AND pulmonary? Well, that would tap about 90% of all the knowledge I have. The other 10% is just some worthless sports trivia and tips on how to find naughty websites"
DISEASE is when your "ease" gets "dissed"! Path Prof
Neuro Prof: "You know what the difference is between a large pizza and a neurologist? A large pizza can feed a family of 4"
"Remember, statistics is that wonderful mathematic discipline that can prove to you, unequivocally, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the average human being has one breast and one testicle." Dr. A
Famous Pulmonary Phys. Prof:
" 'Intuitively Obvious' is a mathematical term that means 'I can't explain this'. I guess I shouldn't use that term... we don't want any hard core med students going home and committing suicide because they don't find the concept intuitively obvious"
Anatomy Course Director:
"Trust me. I'm a doctor"
From a pediatrician in genetics class:
"The two words that frighten pediatricians the most are "pubic" and "hair". Yuck!"
Physiology Professor pointing to the sigmoidoscope: "Back in my day we called this the silver stallion... well, not in polite company of course"
In Genetics class "So we all know there are liars, non-liars, and statisticians...."
A girl is talking loudly to her lab partners during anatomy lab about how she wants to date a man from every country... and on and on about how she just LOVES men from other countries, with accents, etc. Dr. L pops his head into the conversation and says "Buenos Dias" with a ridiculous latin accent. She wasn't amused, but everyone else was.
Dr X in anatomy review (the day before our biochem exam... everyone is pretty much a zombie)... "Ok, so here we're looking at the stomach... which would be in... " pauses for effect, looks expectantly at the class, gets no answer, shakes his head.... "THE ABDOMEN! Oh, boy"
Dr. L in Anatomy "Your mother may have told you that you shouldn't say words like clitoris, penis, anus, vagina, or orgasm. Well, I'm your mother now.... and I say we're using those words!!!"
Dr. L in anatomy class "and as we all know, some men have longer ureters than others"
Dr. G in foundations "Soda is the devil's urine. Stop drinking it... and don't switch to diet.... that's for pussys"
Dr. C in biochem after explaining highly dense metabolic pathways "try not to memorize this" complete with heavy Chinese accent. No problem! I can "not" memorize anything!
Dr. T in nutrition after being asked how he tells patients they are overweight "I say, YOU'RE FAT!! No really, I do"
Dr. K (a retired, 60+ year old surgeon) in anatomy while referring to a Netter plate with a chiseled male abdomen with a 6-pack "and this is a picture of me last year"
Dr. L (another 60+ retired surgeon) in anatomy after Dr. K's lecture "and here is a drawing of Dr. K's backside" referring to a Netter picture that was clearly a woman's very sculpted tush.
Dr. S in foundations talking about ways med students can relieve stress "SEX! Yes! Sex! and if you're thinking... well Dr. S that would be nice but I'm single... you know this IS something you can do about that!" I personally think Dr. S might be a little over board on this one. She was really excited... and the med students were a little unnerved I think.
Ah, it's the little things that make medical education so delightful!
ReplyDeleteThe really interesting thing is you'll remember these wacky stories long after everything else they said in those lectures is completely erased from your memory.