Hmmm... that's odd

So last week my attending (the rock star woman who is highly respected in the city, university, and medical community) told us that we were some of the best students she had worked with and she gave us (well at least me... can't say for the others, but I assume so) great evals. She even had gifts for us (books with personal notes in them) the following week at class as a thank-you/congrats. THIS week, we have a new attending... who also acts like (and actually said so) he likes us.

However, our new resident doesn't seem to like us. First off, we were supposed to meet her at 7am the first day in the conference room. Which we were all there. And she wasn't. So we waited. 45 minutes later she shows up. Ok, fine. So she's late. No biggie. However.... the first words out of her mouth were "Ok, so my expectations. First, don't be late.". We all kind of looked at her like she's nuts... but ok whatever. Now, onto the end of the week (yesterday).... she pulls the three of us aside and says she has problems with our professionalism. That we should be on time (to my knowledge I have never been even a minute late for anything), and that it is highly unprofessional to be writing anything on rounds (um, so I'm supposed to just memorize everything?)... and that we are so lucky to have her and a "nice" attending because we would get our asses chewed by anyone else... and that she's doing us a favor.

THEN during rounds... the attending asks her a question... something like "What part of the gut does iron get absorbed? I can't remember"... she shrugs her shoulders, doesn't know.... and neither do the interns. Then he asks us, and none of the three of us know either. Then she incredulously says (rather rudely) "Seriously? I mean, you guys JUST took step 1".

Needless to say, I'm a HUGE fan of hers.

My First Clinical Evaluation

Was awesome. From a "high on the food chain" attending who I deeply respect. She said she had nothing to discuss in regards to weak areas... basically she thought I was doing really well, presenting strongly, establishing rapport with patients, and demonstrating strong medical decision making. She gave me some good "life as a woman doctor" advice... and that was it. YAY!!! I was so happy I almost floated out of the office. And I totally thought she was going to ream me for constantly eating granola bars on rounds.

More Gastric Pornography

Homemade Strawberry Ice-Cream

Toasted Sesame Seed Asian Chicken Pasta

Spicy Creole Tomato Egg Salad Sandwich

Zucchini Bread

Blackberry Cobbler

Oh and...

I keep running into my ex's fiance at work. Which I thought was going to be weird or irritating or awkward. But actually, I think I like her better than I like him. Lol, Whatev. (kidding. sort of.)

Frustrations...

I'm frustrated. Irritated. And it's only the beginning, I am fully aware. But I figured this is the best venue to vent. But seriously? People that refuse to sign DNRs for vegetative family members just so they can continue to receive their government-issued checks? Wrong on 500 levels. Sickle cell patients that rotate through the hospital every week or two and act like they should be waited on hand and foot like it's the damn Four Seasons? Refusing to answer simple questions, or make eye contact, or refuting every attempt made by anyone in the hospital to make them happy? Patients that have to be readmitted to the hospital 3 times a week because they can't qualify for outpatient dialysis?

Pure insanity. And I have low tolerance for BS. My attending however, is amazing. I'm pretty sure she's next in line for canonization.

Ok so this sucks

It's finally kicked in. Call nights that suck. Worked 16 hours, slept 4, working another 12 now.... t...i....r....e...d.....zzzzzzz...zzz....zzzz.z...z

First Patient Died

Well, it happened. I knew it would sooner or later. My team saw a patient in the morning. She asked for chocolate Ensure. Two hours later in the middle of rounds we heard a "code blue". There were 50 doctors and 20 minutes of CPR. Then that was it. And we finished rounding on our last 3 patients.

It will work out if you don't give up....

Lately I've been getting a lot of "panicky" emails from pre-meds. If I haven't written you back, please don't be offended... I've just been inundated with "help me!" emails as of late. And I figured I'd kind of throw my answer out for everyone to read.

So the panicky emails go something like these...

- Help! I took pre-med class X in the spring of last year but didn't pass it so I need to take it again. The question is should I take the MCAT before or after I retake the class? Because if I wait, then it might be too late to apply this year... yada yada yada....

or

-What should I do?????? I haven't heard back from any schools, should I contact the Dean? Or should I not bother them? Because I know you are supposed to assert yourself but I don't want to be annoying...

or

I got into 2 med schools and I don't know which one to go to. One is near my parents house and I can live at home for free... but the other school is way more prestigious and six times the price....

Sigh. If I could go back in time... say oh, 10 years, and tell my young semi-pre-med self just ONE thing.... it would be that NONE of this matters. Seriously. It doesn't matter if you make a phone call or send an email. It doesn't matter if you take the MCAT in April or September or even 2 years from now. It doesn't matter which school you choose.

All that matters is that you

1) try your best to make reasonable decisions that minimize your stress level and are conducive to you being happy and an overall ethical person

2) don't give up.

Really. I swear. That's it. Things will work out the way they are supposed to, when they are supposed to. And it won't be because Thank GOD you took physics before O-chem, or because you wrote a thank-you note on paper instead of sending a thank-you email. That stuff doesn't matter at all.

Moving on up...

Yesterday we got called minions by our resident. Before that he just called us speed-bumps.... because apparently we slow him down. I think that means we're moving up on the totem poll.

Worst Day So Far...

I mean nothing TERRIBLE happened... but I worked 16 hours and 4 of it was class on acid/base. Talk about hell. And my dog is NOT a happy camper that both of his walks today were in the dark. Poor baby.

As much as I hate to admit it...

I kinda like internal medicine. I mean... maybe. Or maybe I just like that my attending is extraordinarily hot.

First Call Night

Well, I survived. It wasn't bad actually. I arrived at 6:00 am and I managed to be home before 7pm. I was tired of being on my feet, and not used to being so damn hungry, but other than that it was pretty fun. Have to say I'm learning a lot, and I really like my residents and my attending. So yay!

Because I have ADD

Today I went to a panel of students who matched into EM. When asked why she went into EM, the first words out of one girl's mouth were "Because I have ADD". Sigh.

Ella = Love EM <3

Every 5th Night

Just got assigned a hospital for my medicine rotation. Yay for getting the one hospital that starts later every morning, and has call every 5th night instead of every 4th night. Downside? I heard it's boring. Oh well!

Definitely in the Right Place

So although I'm technically on vacation, I still owed 5 hours of community service before I could move onto third year. (PS: can you freakin' believe I'm a THIRD year med student now??) Anyway, I went to a rehab center to put in my 5 hours, doing physical exams and seeing patients, etc. I swear, 5 hours felt like 45 minutes. I saw my patients, looked up, and someone was telling me it was time to go home. You know how freakin' AMAZING that is? And I've figured out something. Something really really incredible. Medicine has the ability to make me totally forget my woes about love. When I'm working I don't even care that the guy I'm in love (ah-hem... did I say that? yea, maybe... but only in a sick, twisted, it will never work out kind of way) with makes me miserable practically every other moment of the day. Nothing else I know has the power to do that. It's like an awesome drug. Sigh. I am SOOOOOO in the right place.

Yumminess... (and if anybody asks me if I just stole these pictures off the internet I'm going to smack them)

Chocolate Cake with Chocolate Espresso Frosting

Scottish Shortbread

Tzatziki

Argentine Skirt Steak with home-made Chimichurri

Gruyere and White Cheddar Macaroni and Cheese

Zucchini Fritters with Lemon and Parsley from my garden

Shopping

So Rew and I are both starting out on Medicine for our first rotation. Beginning next week. And we both were hurting for business attire (as required per the clerkship guide)... so we went shopping this morning. He got hooked up. Tons of clothes. Full outfits, pants, shirts, ties, the whole shebang. Me? I bought one skirt and a pair of totally hot high heels that are totally not practical for rotations... and a jacket. Which I clearly will not need during the summer in the South. Under my white coat.

Sigh.

The Queen of Procrastination Strikes Again

So you know how I signed up to take Step I on April 18th? Needless to say, it didn't happen that way. I postponed. Why? Basically because I'm the hugest slacker, worst procrastinator, and absolute most terrible test taker ever. Sigh.

Getting Your MD in Italy?

Sounds pretty good to me if you are interested in going internationally. It's a 6-year program in Milan at Vita-Salute San Raffaele University. Taught in ENGLISH. Yay! No MCAT needed but you have to take an entrance exam which is only given in the USA in NYC. And it's on April 28th. So if you're interested you better get on that. Anyway, just thought it was a cool option for those of you who might be interested.

Here's the link:

Cool Med School in Italy

Dare I Breathe This Aloud...

But I think I passed 2nd year. Whew.

Um, Awkward?

So today I went to meet Rew at this evening concert thingy in the park. It's kind of a meat market... tons of young professionals (probably over a thousand people) who get off work downtown and walk over to have a beer and listen to live music. Who do I accidentally run into but Lolo... which was extra weird because we usually know each other's every move... and she has her puppy with her who is ridic adorable. (BTW if you want to pick up hot guys get a cute puppy... it totally works).

So I am holding the puppy and I hear "OMG, awesome dog" behind me, and someone reaches over to pet him on the head. I turn around, and I shit you not, it is Eli my ex boyfriend. And his fiance. Totally by coincidence. I thought he was going to faint when I turned around... as he clearly thought he was petting some random puppy. When he realized it was me he had a look of sheer panic on his face... like "oh shit... how's this going to play out???"... as I had yet to meet his new girlfriend. Now fiance. Anyway, I introduced myself to her because I think he was too stunned to speak... and she seemed very nice.

Oddly, it doesn't feel at all upsetting to me. I mean, really... not at all. I'm happy if he's happy... and even more happy that I had the strength to leave a relationship that wasn't right for me. So I wish him well... but beyond that there is no sadness. Funny how when you're in the middle of a break up you can't see past tomorrow without the other person... then a year later you can run into them and their new fiance and not feel even a hint of sorrow.

This Part Sucks

No two ways around it. Staying home (boring) studying (frustrating) for Step I (terrifying) sucks all around. The majority of my friends have day jobs or are also in the same boat that I am... so I'm stuck at home with my dog trying to be productive. Sigh.

Shelf Exams. Done.

If I passed. First day was horrible and I knew it. Second day went better. Today felt like I knew every answer. Please please PLEASE PlEaSe let it be good enough for me to pass 2nd year. Say prayers for me folks. I need it right now.

You are what you love....

Not what loves you. I just keep telling myself that. Is there anything worse than caring about someone who doesn't care about you back? I doubt it. I've been in this cycle for 6 months now. It's maddening. I would really like to forget about him, but alas... I can't. Probably because he lives near me. And also because its one of those cases in which every time I do manage to put some time and space between us... he comes back with the "I miss you" and "I want to spend time with you" stuff. And because I am a stupid girl (and because in my mind he's amazing) I let myself believe it. For a little while. Until I get smart again for a few weeks.

No Pressure

So as of now I'm passing all my classes for 2nd year. Not by a huge margin, but passing. Some better than others. BUT... I have to take the 2nd year NBME shelf exams on Tuesday and Wednesday and those count for 25% of my final grade. Which means I can still fail 2nd year. Which means I have a year of my life and $70k riding on those two days. Which is not good. I took a practice exam yesterday and it wasn't pretty folks. Sigh. Well, if I fail out you'll know what happened.

Broke

Again. Gotta love being a student. My money always runs out one month before it's supposed to. I just borrowed $20 from a friend to buy dog food. Life is great.

I'm going to be good

I think. I watched my videos from my comprehensive standardized patient exams... and I don't suck! I felt pretty natural... after watching my videos I think I came off that way too. I didn't seem nervous or awkward. I mean, I definitely forgot some important medical stuff... but that stuff will come. I hope. Anyway... it was good to see. A good pick-me-up. Which I need while I'm studying for the Step and contemplating how throwing myself under a bus would be more fun. (just a joke, no need to intervene).

Thoughts?

So I think I've come to a decision. Albeit prematurely. But I think I have. For those of you who don't know me well, here's a bit about me. I've moved around. A lot. I don't have a big family, and unfortunately I'm not super close with the family I do have since they live far away. I have never really had "roots". And I've lived in this city longer than I've lived anywhere else continuously in my life since early childhood (6 whole years here).

I have friends here. Like a chosen family. I love the city. I love my life here. Which makes the prospect of residency a scary thing. Especially considering I want to do EM and there is only one program in the city.

Here's the decision.

I think I would give up EM in order to stay here. Maybe for Anesthesiology or Surgery or even (gasp) IM. I don't know. I desperately want to do EM.... but more than that I don't want to start over at age 34 in a new city and have to be alone.

Thoughts?

Oh, and

I just now discovered Grey's Anatomy. You can watch them all on Netflix. How did I miss this memo? The show is awesome. Actually I'm glad I waited. I'm not very good about waiting a whole week to see what happens next. Instant gratification is more my style. :-)

Oh, and McDreamy... surely is.

Apparently....

My totally hot resident facilitator in my human behavior class didn't think that my idea of divorce would be a good solution for a young guy who ONLY has ED around his wife. Whatever. Sounds good to me.

SP Comp Exam

So I finished my standardized patient exam... the one at the end of the year where you have eight patients with blind scenarios, and you have to assess whats going on and perform whatever exams are necessary, etc.

What a shit show! Total chaos, lol.

I think everyone is done now... so I can write about it... hopefully :)

Surprisingly, I didn't get tired or stressed. It was kind of fun. Like Christmas. You don't know what's behind the door. I think I "handled" each one ok.. as in I could complete the assessments at the end no prob. The hard part was that if you left a room and needed more information, you were screwed. I definitely forgot to take pulses in the extremities on the cardio exam, and I didn't ask for a pelvic on a female patient with abdominal pain (obvious, I know... but she was in so much pain I decided to send her straight to imaging).

Blah. Whatev.

Six More Days

Until I am done with classes. For the REST OF MY LIFE!!! I mean, assuming I pass 2nd year that is. I really can't believe it. Two more years of rotations, then residency, then... the big doctor life. Weird.

What have you been doing? "Eating Wires and Lighting Fires"

Who knew one little phrase in a case report from a schizophrenic patient could send me into a giggle fit. One that just. Wouldn't. Stop. In front of my classmates and physician facilitator. No one else was laughing. Just me. It was really bad. I had to excuse myself, laughing so hard on the way out the door that I started to choke.

1. Medicine 2. Surgery

Just got assigned my first two rotations. Holy Eff.

APRIL 18th my lucky day....

So I scheduled Step I for April 18th. It's supposedly my lucky day. I bought my first house on April 18th 2008. Adopted my dog on April 18th 2009. Hopefully this will turn out just as good??

Electronic Configuration Hypertension

I'm studying in a coffee shop. The girl next to me is clearly a premed. I almost had an aneurysm when I looked over at her screen and saw that she is studying orbitals and other nonsense. OMG. Yuck.

My Maturity is Deteriorating. Quickly.

I've been sending these to friends. Lol.

Devastated

I just found out that my best friend's dad has pancreatic cancer. I can't believe it. I saw him at her wedding in October and he looked healthy and a very young 61. Of all fucking cancers, of all fucking people. I can't believe it. I can't believe it.

Well there's that

So remember the grumpy French cardiologist I told you about way back when? Somewhere I'm sure. He hates everyone. Seriously. Except me. He's the one that offered me $4k to put together the IRB proposals for 2 of his studies last year bc he thought his assigned research coordinator "wasn't right in the head". Lol.

Anyway, I saw him in the elevator the other day and this is the conversation. I should probs add this to my elevator post but whatever.

Him: Hi Ella. How's second year going?

Me: Eh pretty good. Could be worse I guess.

Him: Yeah you could be in jail. That's about all there is worse than being in medicine.

Me: Hmm... well, there's always that.

Playing Dress Up

So for whatever reason there are like a bizillion things to get dressed up for in the next few weeks. Plus last weekend was Rin's wedding, this weekend was a benefit party, next weekend a party at an art gallery and a banquet at the Ritz (two different nights), week after is a formal event and the Internal Medicine banquet, week after is the History of Medicine Banquet.

Holy crap. Let's just say that some dress shopping has taken place.

Been a While, Eh?

Sorry I haven't posted in forever, but I was studying my buttinksy off. After (serious) concern that I may be failing 2nd year... (well there is still a lot to go)... I had to get my ass in gear and bring up my grade on my last neuro exam. Which I did, thank fucking god. Because seriously, folks... it was a concern.

Secondly, I started hanging out with a group of med students which tends to make studying much more bearable. Rica and Ritt. They are pretty awesome girls, and we relate to each other on lots of levels.

Thirdly, boy troubles have been getting me distracted a bit... but I think that is coming to an end soon. Hopefully.

I'll try my best to be better at posting.

Oh, And

I decided to stay in my apartment for a few more months. The deal was too good. We'll see what happens... but I love my place... and if I can legally keep my dog, hopefully I can figure out the rest.

Congrats Rin!

Rin is getting married today. And it begins... the medical student/friend entourage of people getting married who aren't me. That's ok. It will be fun! Plus, she needs to get a jump start on those 6 kids she plans to have in 8 years.

Well...

I gave my landlord 30 days notice... then he lowered my rent and said I could have a dog in an effort to keep me. Lol. Now what?

Early New Year's Resolutions

1. MOVE! Asap. My puppy needs a yard

2. No dating anyone seriously or exclusively for a while

3. Finish 2nd year

4. ROCK Step I

5. No boys. Oh, did I already say that?

6. Plan a trip that I actually WANT to go on. France, anyone?

7. Keep going to the gym. It helps me study

8. Study

9. Remember to live the present

10. Be grateful. Always.

And yours?

When Should You "Give Up" on trying to become a doctor?

Yucky question huh?

Well, contrary to popular belief, I don't think it has anything to do with taking the MCAT a certain number of times, or with how many times you've applied to med school. I personally know a physician that I used to work with that applied 12 times to medical school. Granted, that must have been at least 20 years ago... I am not even sure if you can do that now... but the point is that the time to give up has nothing to do with how many times or how long you've tried to get in.

But there is a time when you SHOULD give up. I bet you didn't think I was going to say that, did you? Well, there is. It's when you know, in your gut, that your priorities in life have changed... and pursuing doctordom is more about ego and proving you can do it than it is about actually becoming a doctor. The main thing I want to convey is that THAT IS OK! Nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone changes everyday... as do your wants and goals. I look back on lists of things I said I wanted to do in life. Many of them I've done. Many I haven't. Like "get my pilot's license". I haven't done that. But I don't consider it a failure because I no longer have any desire to do it. What-so-ever.

I think it takes true courage to be able to detect the difference between being determined and feeding your ego. I struggled with this alot because I think I was on the cusp when I applied the last time. Thankfully, I still really want to be a physician and I am loving it. But maybe 5 years from now I wouldn't have felt the same about the admissions process.

So ask yourself the tough questions. And assess your true desires. The REAL ones. Would you rather get married asap? Have a family now? Let things stay simple? Pursue a creative or entrepreneurial career? Do you REALLY want to give up the next 10 years for this? Any answer is ok... as long as it really reflects you and not your ego.

Christmas at My House!!

A Question From A Reader

Your blog seems to be one of the few that really highlights the positive aspects of med school and the memorable moments. At first, this didn't really bother me, but the more I thought about it, I started to remember the numerous physicians I shadowed who said similar things. It seems like there's this ongoing inside joke between physicians who try to convince pre-meds to head in a different direction.

What's your take on this? Why do a lot of physicians seem bitter of their decision? Is this something you have noticed too? Or have I just met a bunch of unhappy professionals who unfortunately chose the wrong lifestyle. I understand that medical school is difficult and can often wear a student down, but does it do this to one permanently?

Wow. Indeed this is a huge topic to cover. I'll try to answer by hitting the main points.

1. First and foremost, I think there are a lot of people in this world (doctors or not) who have poor social skills and don't know when to keep their mouth shut.... and to not give unsolicited advice. Is there a shitty side to every job on earth? Pretty much. Are there pros and cons to every decision you make? Definitely. Is it your job to be discouraging to those who want to go into the field you happen to be in? Definitely not. By doing so, you are assuming that YOUR reasons for going into medicine are the same as everyone else's reasons to going into medicine. You are also assuming that everyone else has the same criteria as to what a "good life" is, etc. Of course there is nothing wrong with giving your honest opinion... but when asked advice about your field... saying flat out "don't do it" is simply arrogant and immature. If it was THAT bad, those physicians would have likely quit long ago. Additionally, some people just enjoy being miserable... and telling others about how miserable they are.

2. I think there are a lot of older physicians who are indeed miserable. They came into medicine during a time which it was much easier to get into medical school, physicians made huge amounts of money, and never had to deal with much of the bureaucracy docs have to deal with today. They came not because of a unquenchable desire to be a physician, but rather for money, or the "good life", or the prestige, or because it was what was expected of them. As things changed, they didn't like it.... and suddenly the lack of the things mentioned above made medicine less of a draw. These are the people that say "medicine isn't what it used to be". Not true. Medicine is the same and even better. Pay, red tape, competition, etc... those are the things that have changed. All med students today know that very well... since they had to put up with it just to get into med school... so they have a different perspective.

3. Sad as it may seem... there are people who like the eliteness of medicine... and newer, younger, better physicians with new ideas and energy are indeed a threat. They compensate for the fear of the threat by discouraging others. Fortunately I think these are few and far between. Most physicians get pretty stoked at the idea of younger folks being interested in medicine.

4. Here's the one you probably don't want to hear. There is indeed an element of "Oh shit have I wasted my life on medicine?" that tends to poke its way into my consciousness every now and then. While I know that I love medicine and the rigamarole that comes with it... I have lately been having fleeting thoughts of the following...'

• Oh crap I'm 32, a 2nd year med student, and for the most part alone in a world of 10,000 other doctors
• Did I come to med school because I love medicine or because I had something to prove?
• Holy shit, I am going to be working REALLY HARD for the rest of my life. Physically hard. Long hours. Sleep deprived. Stressed. Backaches.
• Did I sacrifice having a family, etc. thinking I wanted medicine more... because now I'm not so sure...
• Can I really do this? Effing acid/base bullshit on a patient without killing them?
• Fuck, can everybody stop bitching about medicine so I can enjoy my day please?
• Wait, you mean for the next 8-20 years I'm going to be disgustingly broke and low man on the totem poll?
• Hold up. When I said I didn't mind being alone in order to be a doctor, I never said anything about being ok with being lonely. This sucks.

I mean... these things definitely hit me at least once a day. But then I have patients and procedures and classes and discussions which immediately give me a sense of clarity that I made the right decision. A sense of feeling like I'm using my talents to the best of my ability and challenging myself, and that I'll never be stuck in a different job wishing I was a doctor. Because I know that if I'd have gotten married and had children years ago at the expense of being a physician, I likely would have had just as much regret or more for NOT following through.

I can't really give a definite answer. I guess I'll have to keep you posted. I can say though, that I've had this exact discussion with physicians who absolutely love their lives in medicine and assure me that I will too. We'll see.

Now She's Even Cooler

After I posted about Dr. R the other day, somebody in my class sent me a text asking if Dr. R on my blog was actually so-n-so. I said yes. And she said "you know she's married to the lead singer of (insert famous band here)."

Seriously, she just got way cooler. If that's possible.

Well, your penis might fall off

Today I had a patient at clinic ask me for medicine that would give him a "boner" for 3 days in a row. He quickly changed his mind when I told him (on command of the attending), that 3 days of continuous erection could cause his penis to fall off.

Funny how the idea of a 3 day boner suddenly didn't seem so appealing.

Dry Socket

I've got one. That's always fun. So far going on 2nd week of excruciating face pain. Totes awesome.

Drinking From A Fire Hydrant

I once heard second year medical school described this way. And its dead on. I am seriously not having fun. I'm overwhelmed. Underprepared. Clueless how to study. And feeling like I'm going to be the worst physician ever. I thought the feeling would pass. But its been going on since September. I don't know what the eff to do.

STEP I

Is coming sooner than I want to acknowledge. I just submitted my app. (Before I only got my Q-bank)

Yesterday

Was the day. The male UG exam. Remember how I said I was nervous? Well I wasn't nervous. I was really really nervous. So nervous I thought there was a grand possibility I might throw up or cry. I don't really know why. Not like I've never seen/touched a naked guy before.. even in the hospital setting. But the SP's make me nervous. And the cameras, and the possibility of getting a jackass for a student partner. Alas, all went well. I was originally assigned to a really irritating guy who was supposed to be my student partner... but the coordinator switched me to be with another girl in my class who seemed almost as nervous as I was. So it worked out well.

I'm not sure what I was worried about exactly. That I'd eff up and hurt the guy? That he would be so hot that I would get nervous and not be able to concentrate? That I would laugh? That he'd get an erection and I'd be embarrassed? I can say this is officially the first time I examined a guy's goods this closely while simultaneously praying he wouldn't get an erection.

Anyway, I survived. Lets just say I didn't have to worry about any of the things I originally thought... as I am fairly confidant my SP had no attraction to women what-so-ever... and when I began the exam without asking him to "bear down", he just shrugged and said "that's ok. I'm an expert at this".

Whew.

Tommorow

Doing my first Male UG exam. Ugh. Not going to lie... a little bit nervous. I just know I'm going to get the (really) old guy.

Today...

I got to see Dr. R (see side for description). She's awesome. I want to be her. And I still love love love love Emergency Medicine. How do I know its for me? This convo took place between her and one of the other chief residents:

Dr. R: So if you really like doing tedious things like calculating osmotic gaps, EM might not be the place for you.

Resident #2 : What's an osmotic gap?

Dr. R: I don't know. I saw it on a research poster in the hallway.

This is so me it's ridic.

How To Keep On Truckin'

I've received a few emails asking how on earth I managed to keep my morale up when I failed as a pre-med. Like failing an exam, bombing an MCAT, hearing disparaging "advice", and whatnot. I guess the answer is that I didn't. I mean everytime something happened, I was distraught. And totally devastated. I started combing through my back up plans, applying to random grad school programs, looking up internships, and fantasizing about running away to the peace corps or becoming a writer or a chef or an FBI agent. It was awful. Awful because I had little perspective or knowledge that the path to becoming a physician is a long journey... marked by failures and successes. I'd see a few classmates or colleagues get right into med school with no sweat, and so I thought it wasn't meant to be for me. And so I'd head in another direction... like research, or public health, or epidemiology.... something that I THOUGHT would make me happy... as these are parallel fields to medicine.

And sure enough, these fields would keep me interested for about 10 months. Then I was bored. Soon I'd find myself back in the med school mode... tagging along with physicians, fantasizing about med school, plotting my next attempt at the MCAT or applying to med school. It was a series of try, fail, hibernate, heal, plot, try, fail, hibernate, heal, plot, try, sort of succeed (YAY!), try harder, fail, blah blah.

So I guess the answer is this.

1) Try to keep "success" in perspective. Know that when you're "up" you should enjoy it while it lasts because there will be "downs" too. And when you are "down" know that it's just temporary until the next "up".

2) After a "down"... don't be too hard on yourself, and don't make any drastic decisions that will alter your med school plans. The feeling of wanting to quit is soooo intense you can often fool yourself into thinking that you don't want to do medicine anymore.... even if you actually do. Give yourself some time to really regroup, re-evaluate, and make a better plan of attack. Immersing yourself in "parallel" fields like public health, etc. are great because they help strengthen your application while you regroup and get your ducks in a row.

From One of Our Profs.... AFTER Thanksgiving :)

PATHOLOGIES RESEMBLING FOOD

FOOD PATHOLOGY	DISEASE	NOTES
Anchovy paste liver	Liver abscess	Amebic
Apple core lesion	Colon cancer
Banana Sign (cardio)	Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy
Banana Sign (neuro)	Arnold-Chiari malformation	Abnormally shaped midbrain & elongated cerebellum
Bread and Butter	Pericarditis
Café-au-lait spots	Neurofibromatosis (I &II)
Caseous Necrosis	TB, histo, coccidio, crypto	Casesous = Cheese
Cherry Red appearance	Carbon monoxide poisoning
Cherry Red spots	Tay-Sachs, Niemann-Pick, Retinal artery occlusion	Macula
Chocolate cyst	Endometriosis
Coffee ground vomit	Upper GI bleed, PUD
Grape clusters	Hydatidiform mole
Hamburgery Sign	Uncovered vertebral articular facet
Honeycomb lungs	Eosinophilic granuloma, DIP, UIP, interstitial pneumonitis associated with collagen vascular diseases, asbestosis, berylliosis, sarcoidosis, LIP, DAD, recurrent aspiration, allergic alveolitis
Lemon Sign	Spina bifida	Scalloping/overlapping frontal bones
Millet seed appearance	Military TB on CXR
Nutmeg liver	Chronic liver congestion
Olive (sign)	Congenital pyloric stenosis
Onion skin arterioles	atherosclerosis
Onion skin (musculo/skeletal)	osteomyelitis, osteosarcoma, Ewing sarcoma
Peau d’orange	Carcinoma of the breast
Pizza pie	CMV retinitis
Popcorn sign	Fibroadenoma of breast
Port-wine stain	hemangioblastoma
Red-currant jelly	Intussusception, Klebsiella infection (sputum)
Rice grain calcification	Taenia solium infection
Rice water diarrhea	Cholera
Strawberry Tongue	Scarlet fever
Sugar-coated spleen	Chronic serositis

Is it a bad sign

When your ex-boyfriend sends you an article entitled "Who Needs Marriage Anyway? Men, Apparently."

Ok, I'm a cold fish. Sorry. I'm trying to stop.

Reasons Why You SHOULD NEVER Look at SDN

Yes, folks, these are real. Copied verbatim (except the purple.. that's me :). Sad to Say.

HELP!

I went to a community college and then transferred to ucsd. I've got straight a's in all my classes except my 1st semester at the community college was a c in calculus b in chem c in bio and b in English. my mcat score is 34. what are my chances for ucla medical school as well a's other uc med schools?

Am I worried for no reason?????

Stats:

GPA is around 3.85
sGPA is around 3.85
MCAT score was a 36Q
2 Summers of Hospital Volunteering (200+ hours)
2 Semesters as a writer for school paper
2 Semesters working as a team manager
Working at a Pharmacy for 2 summers (unpaid, 75+ hours)

Other EC --> Cultural Club and Intramural sports
-I had no research experience until this year but I currently am doing research and I also have a sports medicine internship (8 hours per week)
-I applied to like 20 schools
-I got 5 interviews so far (Rochester, Penn State, Buffalo, SUNY up and downstate) but I was already rejected from Buffalo and my other interviews are coming up..
-Also I shadowed two doctors in August, one for around 40+ hours and another for around 10, I'll be working with the former again this winter break...

Suggestions????

I am a Florida resident, 3.86 cumulative, 3.83 science & math, 31Q MCAT, majoring in Applied Economics and Biochemistry. I have 2 years of patient volunteering, 1 month of shadowing a rad onc, 2 science research projects, 1 economics research project on price discrimination in the health care system, and lots of leadership (SGA senate 2 terms and world affairs program), and I have worked as a chemistry tutor for 1.5 years. I have 6 letters of rec, 3 from the professors I did research with and took classes with, 1 from the volunteer coordinator of local hospice, and 1 from rad onc shadowed, I know them all pretty personally.

I submitted my secondary to UF on 10/4 and have yet to hear anything. If offered an interview should I provide an update at the interview or after the interview? I am starting a new volunteer experience (tutoring mentally disabled adults and teens for GED), a new research project, and will be submitting 2 papers for publication in the coming months as 1st author. Any general suggestions? THANKS!

PLEASE HELP!!! 3.34 GPA and 39 MCAT!!!

Please help me out here, what do y'all think my chances are? I'm pretty nervous because of my low GPA. Below is a concise 'resume'...if you need more info just ask I am a junior at Duke, so my science GPA is my projected GPA for the end of this semester, presumed that I keep the same grades I have now.
science GPA: 3.34 (Overall: 3.41), with an intended Major in Biomedical Engineering and an already completed Minor in Biology at Duke University. I really screwed up freshman year, but got a 3.4 fall semester sophomore year and have been trending upwards in GPA.
-MCAT: 39, taken only once
Extracurriculars: Leadership positions in 2 major school clubs (1 club sport), worked 7000+ hours (WTF???? 7000 HOURS???) in 2 labs (1 clinical, 1 biochemistry) since high school, published as author on 3 journal articles ( 1 in Nature). 200+ hours clinical volunteering, shadowed 2 physicians for 120+ hours. My summers were spent working full time in labs, volunteering and shadowing.
Michigan resident, Asian background
I have a feeling my GPA will come back to haunt me.

PLEASE LET YOUR HONEST OPINION GUIDE ME!!!!

I started to think about going to medical school in my senior year of college (one year to go, its a five year program). due to an event I experienced.
I jUST WANT TO KNOW my chances through this forum, recommended by many pre-med students I know

my info:
Syracuse University
Major: bioengineering, and Physics
minor : Linguistics
GPA: 3.2, I believe I can pull it up through my electives to 3.4
Science GPA 3.6
I took Kaplan MCAT (free event, it was like a real test scenario but without the writing section). I scored a 35.
Academia awards
Dean list
Honor List
chancellor award (two year consecutively), the highest award you can get in my university
Experience
worked in factory (part time)
Independent study in Darfur, planning to go back again at the end of this summer
Research Assistant
president of Society of Public Health education
President of Syracuse Breakdance Club
public relation of Biomedical engineer society
United Nation Ambassador of good will
Volunteers
Say Yes Education
Amaus Drive
taught refugee kids after school
and many others non related to medical fields
non academic Award
won the redbull Street futbol (as a team) in Germany 2008
competed in the preliminary of Redbull bc one
Langauges
English
Nubian
Portuguese
Arabic
Dutch
(taking spanish courses as of now)
I shadowed a doctor recently (for a week) to see if I really want to be a doctor or not
****I know that I don't any type of clinical experience, research and hospital volunteering.
but I should start to hospital volunteer by next semester, and Hopefully researching.
Please let me know what you think!!!!

SIGH. Lets just all set ourselves on fire. Bleh.

Idiocy of Men Part I

Met a pretty hot older-than-me guy at my favorite wine bar on Thursday. We talked for maybe an hour... mind you very proper and lovely.. (Lolo was there too)... and he gave me his card and asked me to text him later so he'd have my #.. so I did.

The following series of texts resulted.

Ella: Hey thanks for the drinks. It was nice meeting you.

Dumbass: Hey thanks for the fun company! Let's hang out again!

Dumbass: Call or text if you want to meet up tomorrow.

Dumbass: Or we can hang out another day!

Dumbass: Hey your last name is MedStudent, right?

Dumbass: I'll find you on facebook.

Ella: Facebook huh? Ok, lol

Dumbass: Don't laugh at me, I'm older than you. Much older than you.

Ella: Much...?

Dumbass: Guess

Dumbass: Honestly

Dumbass: Ok, I friended you on FB

Dumbass: Gorgeous profile pic btw

Dumbass: Guess

Ella: Ewe. This is a dangerous game. 42? Give or take 2 years?

Dumbass: Pretty good... 45!

Ella: Well, don't be offended. It must be my soon-to-be-doctor side coming out. I'm usually pretty good with age, height and weight. I'm sure another woman would have said 35 :)

Dumbass: I'm not offended at all!

Dumbass: What I really want to know is how you look in just a doctor coat and glasses and high heels.

And that was the end of the conversation until the next morning.

Dumbass: I'm sorry about that last comment. I think it might have been the beer.

Still the end of the conversation.

And then he friended Lolo.

Last night

Was our University's annual grad school party. With everybody. Law School. Med School. Social Work. You name it. It was awesome if not a bit overwhelming as there were easily over 1000 people there. But it was totally fun. It was a cocktail party in a huge venue with dancing and food and extremely cheap drinks. (Champagne for $2, yay!)

Of course...

Steak Cilantro Tacos with Home Made Guacamole

Home Made Mayo

About Boys

Ugh.

That's really all there is to say... it goes downhill from there.

Med School Classes - A Different World Than Other Medical Programs

Somebody asked me... so here it is. Well they specifically asked "how many" classes you take at once... and there is no simple answer.

Two things are simple:

1) All med schools have to incorporate the same minimum course material as dictated by the LCME.

2) All students in each class follow the same curriculum. So you don't "compete" for classes like you did in undergrad. All first year students take anatomy at the same time, etc.

Whats different is that med schools have some freedom in the way their curriculum is designed. Most go by "blocks"... basically little stints on one subject that end with an exam. They can be long blocks... 14 weeks for anatomy with 3 exams... or short ones... 3 weeks for genetics with just one exam at the end. Some do quarters, semesters, etc... but every school is different (and for sure drastically different than the curriculum at a nursing program) First year at my school we got lots of breaks and downtime.

As for how many you take at once? I don't know. Its different all the time. There was a time during first year that I had histology, biochem, and physiology all at once. At the end of the year I only had one class, Neurology. Plus you take a clinical foundations course that is mostly hands on examinations, nutrition, etc.

Suffice it to say, you'll be busy. Some times are definitely less stressful than others... but everything I did was manageable. My school has an online calendar that we are responsible to check everyday. Basically, it is subject to change at any moment. Sometimes little gems pop up and I'm surprised, like "hey! I didn't even know I was in this class".

Just roll with it.