Because I have ADD

Today I went to a panel of students who matched into EM. When asked why she went into EM, the first words out of one girl's mouth were "Because I have ADD". Sigh.

Ella = Love EM <3

Every 5th Night

Just got assigned a hospital for my medicine rotation. Yay for getting the one hospital that starts later every morning, and has call every 5th night instead of every 4th night. Downside? I heard it's boring. Oh well!

Definitely in the Right Place

So although I'm technically on vacation, I still owed 5 hours of community service before I could move onto third year. (PS: can you freakin' believe I'm a THIRD year med student now??) Anyway, I went to a rehab center to put in my 5 hours, doing physical exams and seeing patients, etc. I swear, 5 hours felt like 45 minutes. I saw my patients, looked up, and someone was telling me it was time to go home. You know how freakin' AMAZING that is? And I've figured out something. Something really really incredible. Medicine has the ability to make me totally forget my woes about love. When I'm working I don't even care that the guy I'm in love (ah-hem... did I say that? yea, maybe... but only in a sick, twisted, it will never work out kind of way) with makes me miserable practically every other moment of the day. Nothing else I know has the power to do that. It's like an awesome drug. Sigh. I am SOOOOOO in the right place.

Yumminess... (and if anybody asks me if I just stole these pictures off the internet I'm going to smack them)

Chocolate Cake with Chocolate Espresso Frosting

Scottish Shortbread

Tzatziki

Argentine Skirt Steak with home-made Chimichurri

Gruyere and White Cheddar Macaroni and Cheese

Zucchini Fritters with Lemon and Parsley from my garden

Shopping

So Rew and I are both starting out on Medicine for our first rotation. Beginning next week. And we both were hurting for business attire (as required per the clerkship guide)... so we went shopping this morning. He got hooked up. Tons of clothes. Full outfits, pants, shirts, ties, the whole shebang. Me? I bought one skirt and a pair of totally hot high heels that are totally not practical for rotations... and a jacket. Which I clearly will not need during the summer in the South. Under my white coat.

Sigh.

The Queen of Procrastination Strikes Again

So you know how I signed up to take Step I on April 18th? Needless to say, it didn't happen that way. I postponed. Why? Basically because I'm the hugest slacker, worst procrastinator, and absolute most terrible test taker ever. Sigh.

Getting Your MD in Italy?

Sounds pretty good to me if you are interested in going internationally. It's a 6-year program in Milan at Vita-Salute San Raffaele University. Taught in ENGLISH. Yay! No MCAT needed but you have to take an entrance exam which is only given in the USA in NYC. And it's on April 28th. So if you're interested you better get on that. Anyway, just thought it was a cool option for those of you who might be interested.

Here's the link:

Cool Med School in Italy

Dare I Breathe This Aloud...

But I think I passed 2nd year. Whew.

Um, Awkward?

So today I went to meet Rew at this evening concert thingy in the park. It's kind of a meat market... tons of young professionals (probably over a thousand people) who get off work downtown and walk over to have a beer and listen to live music. Who do I accidentally run into but Lolo... which was extra weird because we usually know each other's every move... and she has her puppy with her who is ridic adorable. (BTW if you want to pick up hot guys get a cute puppy... it totally works).

So I am holding the puppy and I hear "OMG, awesome dog" behind me, and someone reaches over to pet him on the head. I turn around, and I shit you not, it is Eli my ex boyfriend. And his fiance. Totally by coincidence. I thought he was going to faint when I turned around... as he clearly thought he was petting some random puppy. When he realized it was me he had a look of sheer panic on his face... like "oh shit... how's this going to play out???"... as I had yet to meet his new girlfriend. Now fiance. Anyway, I introduced myself to her because I think he was too stunned to speak... and she seemed very nice.

Oddly, it doesn't feel at all upsetting to me. I mean, really... not at all. I'm happy if he's happy... and even more happy that I had the strength to leave a relationship that wasn't right for me. So I wish him well... but beyond that there is no sadness. Funny how when you're in the middle of a break up you can't see past tomorrow without the other person... then a year later you can run into them and their new fiance and not feel even a hint of sorrow.

This Part Sucks

No two ways around it. Staying home (boring) studying (frustrating) for Step I (terrifying) sucks all around. The majority of my friends have day jobs or are also in the same boat that I am... so I'm stuck at home with my dog trying to be productive. Sigh.

Shelf Exams. Done.

If I passed. First day was horrible and I knew it. Second day went better. Today felt like I knew every answer. Please please PLEASE PlEaSe let it be good enough for me to pass 2nd year. Say prayers for me folks. I need it right now.

You are what you love....

Not what loves you. I just keep telling myself that. Is there anything worse than caring about someone who doesn't care about you back? I doubt it. I've been in this cycle for 6 months now. It's maddening. I would really like to forget about him, but alas... I can't. Probably because he lives near me. And also because its one of those cases in which every time I do manage to put some time and space between us... he comes back with the "I miss you" and "I want to spend time with you" stuff. And because I am a stupid girl (and because in my mind he's amazing) I let myself believe it. For a little while. Until I get smart again for a few weeks.

No Pressure

So as of now I'm passing all my classes for 2nd year. Not by a huge margin, but passing. Some better than others. BUT... I have to take the 2nd year NBME shelf exams on Tuesday and Wednesday and those count for 25% of my final grade. Which means I can still fail 2nd year. Which means I have a year of my life and $70k riding on those two days. Which is not good. I took a practice exam yesterday and it wasn't pretty folks. Sigh. Well, if I fail out you'll know what happened.

Broke

Again. Gotta love being a student. My money always runs out one month before it's supposed to. I just borrowed $20 from a friend to buy dog food. Life is great.

I'm going to be good

I think. I watched my videos from my comprehensive standardized patient exams... and I don't suck! I felt pretty natural... after watching my videos I think I came off that way too. I didn't seem nervous or awkward. I mean, I definitely forgot some important medical stuff... but that stuff will come. I hope. Anyway... it was good to see. A good pick-me-up. Which I need while I'm studying for the Step and contemplating how throwing myself under a bus would be more fun. (just a joke, no need to intervene).

Thoughts?

So I think I've come to a decision. Albeit prematurely. But I think I have. For those of you who don't know me well, here's a bit about me. I've moved around. A lot. I don't have a big family, and unfortunately I'm not super close with the family I do have since they live far away. I have never really had "roots". And I've lived in this city longer than I've lived anywhere else continuously in my life since early childhood (6 whole years here).

I have friends here. Like a chosen family. I love the city. I love my life here. Which makes the prospect of residency a scary thing. Especially considering I want to do EM and there is only one program in the city.

Here's the decision.

I think I would give up EM in order to stay here. Maybe for Anesthesiology or Surgery or even (gasp) IM. I don't know. I desperately want to do EM.... but more than that I don't want to start over at age 34 in a new city and have to be alone.

Thoughts?

Oh, and

I just now discovered Grey's Anatomy. You can watch them all on Netflix. How did I miss this memo? The show is awesome. Actually I'm glad I waited. I'm not very good about waiting a whole week to see what happens next. Instant gratification is more my style. :-)

Oh, and McDreamy... surely is.

Apparently....

My totally hot resident facilitator in my human behavior class didn't think that my idea of divorce would be a good solution for a young guy who ONLY has ED around his wife. Whatever. Sounds good to me.

SP Comp Exam

So I finished my standardized patient exam... the one at the end of the year where you have eight patients with blind scenarios, and you have to assess whats going on and perform whatever exams are necessary, etc.

What a shit show! Total chaos, lol.

I think everyone is done now... so I can write about it... hopefully :)

Surprisingly, I didn't get tired or stressed. It was kind of fun. Like Christmas. You don't know what's behind the door. I think I "handled" each one ok.. as in I could complete the assessments at the end no prob. The hard part was that if you left a room and needed more information, you were screwed. I definitely forgot to take pulses in the extremities on the cardio exam, and I didn't ask for a pelvic on a female patient with abdominal pain (obvious, I know... but she was in so much pain I decided to send her straight to imaging).

Blah. Whatev.

Six More Days

Until I am done with classes. For the REST OF MY LIFE!!! I mean, assuming I pass 2nd year that is. I really can't believe it. Two more years of rotations, then residency, then... the big doctor life. Weird.