That's What I Get for saying H1N1 Schmen-1

For the past 7 days or so, I've been feeling kinda crappy. A revolving stomach flu that rears it's ugly head at unexpected and rather inconvenient times, and general nausea, headache, shortness of breath, and a smattering of occasional chills, sweating, or overall body ache. Also lots of fatigue. I walked up a couple flights of stairs yesterday and I thought I was going to DIE (not normal for me).

Since I certainly don't feel bad enough to stay home all the time, and hell no I don't want to stay in bed... I've just been going about my daily routine, going to school, lab, etc. Truthfully, I didn't think I could have H1N1 since my symptoms are so mild and I could never register a fever on a thermometer. I really couldn't justify staying home because I felt like "crap".

I had my seasonal flu shot weeks ago, so of course I've been worried about this being H1N1 in the back of my mind. Not because I feel THAT bad... because I really don't... but because there was a confirmed case in my class. Although I don't know the guy well, he is in my lab, AND I had my first brief conversation with him right before he was out sick.

But my boyfriend also is sick now (same set of symptoms)... and I'm starting to wonder?

Finally, I called the school health center... and they said "rapid onset" with cough. Which I didn't have. Great. Went back to school.

This morning I woke up with mild coughing with chest pain. Maybe I'm creating all this in my mind?

Any thoughts?

My Current Heartthrobs

My love affairs:

Emergency Medicine - we've have a long-term, ongoing, passion-filled affair for years. Still makes my pulse race like the first time we met. Every encounter is new and exciting, I'm never bored, and you don't expect much commitment.

On the Rocks:

Cardiology - we could have a good thing going, as I do think your anatomy is pretty hot... but you're just so inconsiderate with my time. I mean, I can't have a relationship where you expect me to just jump everytime you snap your fingers.

OB-GYN - we need to work on a few issues before we commit to each other. Namely, I'm not sure how I feel about vaginas being the last body part I'll ever see. I mean, how do you look at the vagina and say, "ok you're the one. I'm happy knowing that I'll never have to learn the intimate anatomy of another region of the human body". I'm just not ready to be tied down.

Anesthesia - I'm willing to go to couples therapy. Let's just take a break, give ourselves some space, and if it's meant to be it will happen.

Family Medicine - we are indeed oh-so compatible, yet I'm still waiting for the spark. We seem good from far, but far from good. We should work... but we don't.

Break-ups:

Urology - sorry sweetheart, you lost me at kidney stones and foley catheters.

Geriatrics - my dear you never had a chance. I need a relationship that grows and improves over time.

Ophthalmology - It's me, not you.

Oh, Anesthesia...

How I wish you were for me... how I wish to love thee... but I don't.

Today I went to the anesthesia interest group meeting just to see what it's all about. I'm not going lie... I really wanted to fall in love with it. It seems like such a lovely life. Besides getting to play lots of sudoku, you really do get a wonderful schedule.. thus a wonderful home life. But truthfully, I just don't GET anesthesia. All this work in med school for basically no patient contact. Well, no conscious patient contact anyways. And you have to fight with surgeons. Gah!!!! I'm officially keeping my mind open... but anesthesia is plummeting on my list.

I Think I've Been Outed??

Well, I don't have direct confirmation yet, but I think I've been outed. At the very least, a group of my classmates has figured out that Ella is a classmate of theirs... and that she has a blog. Apparently, someone was googling our "fear essay" assignment and found me. I'm not sure what non-honor-code-breaking reason anyone would have for googling our essay assignment...but regardless, they found me. I'm ok with that.

So here's to my classmates:

A group of people who I must say I am rather proud to be associated with. Thus far I can honestly say that every single person that I've had a conversation with I truly have found to be incredibly intelligent, experienced, and a very dedicated student. As for a few others (maybe like 3)... the jury is still out... and I'm just going to call it a bad first impression. So to everyone overall.. I think it will be a great 4 years and I hope I'll get to know each of you better.

Here's a quick list of what we (the Class of 2013) do well:

1. Anatomy exams - apparently the class has the highest average score since 1959 or something like that. (I only heard that from the professor, no I wasn't actually present in 1959)

2. Clapping anytime any speaker pauses... regardless of whether it was just for emphasis, a sneeze, a cockroach running across stage, or actually an expectant pause for applause

3. Somebody almost always sacs up and musters at least one question for important guest speakers... even when the lecture sucked or if it's Friday afternoon and everyone is dying to escape. That's just good form, I think... plus it makes us all look interested and intelligent.

4. Pretending to be coherent and alert, even when there is clear evidence of a massive (and rather foul smelling) hangover. Even today, someone in lab doused themselves in copious amounts of cologne in an attempt (albeit unsuccessful) to mask the stench of alcohol. Good work.

Ok, that's it for now. And to those of you who've discovered me... I'm glad you're reading my blog. I do hope that regardless of whether you actually know my identity or not, you will maintain my anonymity online.

Pretty Funny Actually!

While watching a video on laparoscopic gallbladder removal, the surgeon says "I bet you're wondering how to tell the difference between the cystic duct and the cystic artery in this big mess. Well, let me tell you, I'm wondering that inside my head right now!"

An Embarrassing Tale

This is another story about Dr. S from our foundations course. Every few weeks we have to to a group based learning session, where we sit in tables and discuss scenarios as a small group, then we use microphones placed at each table to discuss the same material as a larger group.

In this particular story, we were supposed to be silently taking a quiz, but some table left their microphone on and the rustling of papers and breathing was annoying the whole class while we were trying to concentrate. I am one of those people who gets highly distracted by background noise, so I semi-stood up and asked everybody to please check to make sure their microphones were off. The noise still continued, and after a few seconds I figured out what happened.

Everyone watched me as I jumped up from my seat and ran towards the bathroom as fast as I could, but I didn't make it in time. By the time I got to the back of the auditorium, the whole class heard the WHOOOSH of the toilet and was laughing uncontrollably. Oh, god!! I ran as fast as I could before it got worse... and I made it to the bathroom door just in time to whisper "Dr. S!!! You're microphone is on!!"

Good thing she's not easily embarrassed and has a great sense of humor!! Moral of the story? Turn off your mic before going potty!"

Some Funny Things Professors Say

So far I've heard some funny ones. I'll add to the list as we go... but here's a couple to start...


Faculty on seeing a badness EKG, "Oh, Shit. Somebody tell this guy not to buy the full size toothpaste. He's only going to need travel size"

Advice from my 75 year old attending surgeon: "Slow down there! Surgery is like making love. You get points for skill, not speed"

Surgery Resident " YEAH! We fixed the SHIT out of that!!!"

Tranfusion Medicine Prof: "So this is for the average 70kg patient, which doesn't exist here in Louisiana. That's about the size of a leg here"

German microbio prof that sounds exactly like Julia Child (seriously): "So this infection tends to cause problems in menstruating women, but not in, you know, NORMAL people. Oh dear, I shouldn't have said that, should I?"

famous pulm prof says... "Wow! Your next exam is cardio AND pulmonary? Well, that would tap about 90% of all the knowledge I have. The other 10% is just some worthless sports trivia and tips on how to find naughty websites"

DISEASE is when your "ease" gets "dissed"! Path Prof

Nutty Neuro Prof "The basal ganglia is kind of like the deans office of the brain. It takes up a whole lot of space, but nobody is really sure what the hell it actually accomplishes."

Neuro Prof: "You know what the difference is between a large pizza and a neurologist? A large pizza can feed a family of 4"

"Remember, statistics is that wonderful mathematic discipline that can prove to you, unequivocally, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the average human being has one breast and one testicle." Dr. A

Famous Pulmonary Phys. Prof:

" 'Intuitively Obvious' is a mathematical term that means 'I can't explain this'. I guess I shouldn't use that term... we don't want any hard core med students going home and committing suicide because they don't find the concept intuitively obvious"

Anatomy Course Director:

"Trust me. I'm a doctor"

From a pediatrician in genetics class:

"The two words that frighten pediatricians the most are "pubic" and "hair". Yuck!"

Physiology Professor pointing to the sigmoidoscope: "Back in my day we called this the silver stallion... well, not in polite company of course"

In Genetics class "So we all know there are liars, non-liars, and statisticians...."

A girl is talking loudly to her lab partners during anatomy lab about how she wants to date a man from every country... and on and on about how she just LOVES men from other countries, with accents, etc. Dr. L pops his head into the conversation and says "Buenos Dias" with a ridiculous latin accent. She wasn't amused, but everyone else was.

Dr X in anatomy review (the day before our biochem exam... everyone is pretty much a zombie)... "Ok, so here we're looking at the stomach... which would be in... " pauses for effect, looks expectantly at the class, gets no answer, shakes his head.... "THE ABDOMEN! Oh, boy"

Dr. L in Anatomy "Your mother may have told you that you shouldn't say words like clitoris, penis, anus, vagina, or orgasm. Well, I'm your mother now.... and I say we're using those words!!!"

Dr. L in anatomy class "and as we all know, some men have longer ureters than others"

Dr. G in foundations "Soda is the devil's urine. Stop drinking it... and don't switch to diet.... that's for pussys"

Dr. C in biochem after explaining highly dense metabolic pathways "try not to memorize this" complete with heavy Chinese accent. No problem! I can "not" memorize anything!

Dr. T in nutrition after being asked how he tells patients they are overweight "I say, YOU'RE FAT!! No really, I do"

Dr. K (a retired, 60+ year old surgeon) in anatomy while referring to a Netter plate with a chiseled male abdomen with a 6-pack "and this is a picture of me last year"

Dr. L (another 60+ retired surgeon) in anatomy after Dr. K's lecture "and here is a drawing of Dr. K's backside" referring to a Netter picture that was clearly a woman's very sculpted tush.

Dr. S in foundations talking about ways med students can relieve stress "SEX! Yes! Sex! and if you're thinking... well Dr. S that would be nice but I'm single... you know this IS something you can do about that!" I personally think Dr. S might be a little over board on this one. She was really excited... and the med students were a little unnerved I think.