No Pressure

So as of now I'm passing all my classes for 2nd year. Not by a huge margin, but passing. Some better than others. BUT... I have to take the 2nd year NBME shelf exams on Tuesday and Wednesday and those count for 25% of my final grade. Which means I can still fail 2nd year. Which means I have a year of my life and $70k riding on those two days. Which is not good. I took a practice exam yesterday and it wasn't pretty folks. Sigh. Well, if I fail out you'll know what happened.

Broke

Again. Gotta love being a student. My money always runs out one month before it's supposed to. I just borrowed $20 from a friend to buy dog food. Life is great.

I'm going to be good

I think. I watched my videos from my comprehensive standardized patient exams... and I don't suck! I felt pretty natural... after watching my videos I think I came off that way too. I didn't seem nervous or awkward. I mean, I definitely forgot some important medical stuff... but that stuff will come. I hope. Anyway... it was good to see. A good pick-me-up. Which I need while I'm studying for the Step and contemplating how throwing myself under a bus would be more fun. (just a joke, no need to intervene).

Thoughts?

So I think I've come to a decision. Albeit prematurely. But I think I have. For those of you who don't know me well, here's a bit about me. I've moved around. A lot. I don't have a big family, and unfortunately I'm not super close with the family I do have since they live far away. I have never really had "roots". And I've lived in this city longer than I've lived anywhere else continuously in my life since early childhood (6 whole years here).

I have friends here. Like a chosen family. I love the city. I love my life here. Which makes the prospect of residency a scary thing. Especially considering I want to do EM and there is only one program in the city.

Here's the decision.

I think I would give up EM in order to stay here. Maybe for Anesthesiology or Surgery or even (gasp) IM. I don't know. I desperately want to do EM.... but more than that I don't want to start over at age 34 in a new city and have to be alone.

Thoughts?