Does it get cuter than this?

I thought I'd introduce you to my dog. Isn't he a doll?

The Unexpected Little Things Which Can Really Freak You Out

It's officially been 1 week (4 dissections) in the Anatomy lab now... and I'm starting to get a little more used to it. I still don't heavily participate in the dissections, but I've cut quite a bit, and am desperately trying to get used to the smell.

During the pre-lab lecture yesterday, something very disturbing happened. We are all standing around among the cadavers, and the guy next to me taps me on the shoulder and says "Hey look at that. That's really weird."

I look down at the cadaver in front of me (a woman), and I can see that she is laying on her stomach face down, and her fingers are curled up so that I can see her nails. And she´s wearing nail polish. A dark, rosy tangerine color. And I feel the tears coming. I don´t know why. It just became so real to me all of the sudden. Here is a cold, smashed grey body... but those nails are bright as can be... and I start thinking all sorts of things. Maybe she didn't know she was going to die. Now I know something personal about her. She likes that rosy tangerine color. Maybe her daughter painted her nails when she was in the hospital bed.

It took me the entire lecture to breathe and focus on the posterior cervical triangle... all the while standing composed and waiting patiently for my watery eyes to dry... and the redness of my face to return pink. I don't think anyone noticed. I wondered if anyone else feels this way?

Things that happened this week

1. I joined the Emergency Medicine student group. And can I just say I WANT TO DO EM SOOOOOO BAD! It does seem great for all the reasons I originally thought (see way below). They are having an intubation clinic session... but too many people wanted to sign up so they had to do a lottery... and I wasn't chosen. Boo :( Its ok, things happen for a reason... maybe I am supposed to be focusing just on studying right now... which I have been. And folks, let me just tell you...

2. Studying it has been! I feel ok, actually... I'm not really freaking out because I've been studying most every night. Except one night I got sick, and last night I met with the DA to go over my testimony. Yeah, I decided to testify. I guess. I kinda got guilted I guess. Anyway, back to studying. So the trick is to pre-read each lecture, then study each classes material when you get home. I have also been drawing millions of drawings for anatomy... that is fun and really helps me learn. I guess everyone will have to figure out their own learning style... bc the first week I was trying to memorize anatomy by jut reading and it WAS NOT working.

3. I'm taking my hound dog to a "pet therapy" service learning project. Basically we bring our pets to residential nursing homes and hospice, etc. and they visit the patients. Ok, whatever. Might be cool. I just figure its a good way to get my service hours and spend time with my dog at one whack.

Fellow Fossils

Oh, I almost forgot... this week I've met several people who are 29 and 30 who seem awesome. Yay!

And frankly, while everyone does seem very young... I haven't met anyone who I felt was immature or didn't deserve to be here. In fact, there are some pretty interesting people in class.

A Big Decision

So I haven't mentioned this before because I don't want to be a drama junkie... but it's finally come to the point where I can't keep it a secret anymore. I might have to involve the school... I'm not sure.

I had a little "situation" in my life about a year ago. Essentially (without giving away all the details), a contractor that I hired to work on my home went nuts and murdered another man that was working on my home (not AT my home, thankfully). Depending on the circumstances, this might not be a big deal... but it is in this situation for three reasons.

1. My house was demolished, and the person who was supposed to rebuild it was put into jail. Hence why I am now rebuilding my house with my boyfriend.

2. The nut job contractor actually used ME (and boyfriend) as an alibi for his "self defense" defense

3. I am now being asked to testify in the murder trial because clearly I have an important piece of information that disproves the defense.

So the big problem is that this trial is coming up SOON.. and I just started med school, dammit. This guy has already messed up SO much of my life that I don't want to get behind because of his stupid trial. At the same time, I feel socially responsible for testifying to keep this maniac in prison.... I'm really at a loss. This really affected my life for a long time, and I feel like I'm just now starting to put things back in order... and here comes the DA, now calling me every night. What to do, what to do?

Hmmm... maybe I'm not the idiot

So today I found out that our lab groups were specifically designed. Essentially one "more experienced" person (whatever that means) was assigned to be in the group with the younger folk. So I guess that's me. Hey, at least I'm the oldest for a reason... other than just being old.

Age of Tankmates 21, 21, 22, 23, 23, and me

My lab group works well together and everyone seems competent, prepared and pretty cool overall... so needless to say I'm MUCH happier today with Anatomy lab #2, knowing that I have a strong group. Not to mention, everybody seems surprisingly tolerant of the fact that I am really not particularly stoked about sawing up human bodies. Additionally, the body dried out a little bit so it was a bit less juicy... and "flinging" was kept to a minimum. Perhaps these don't seem like very significant events, but my lab experience was immeasurably better this go around. Minus the smell of dead rotten cadaver, of course.

I wish I could say the same for the rest. I met with E last night and she helped me out with a few tips. Up until now I'd been listening to my nuts Colombian physician boyfriend who had to take anatomy for two years and was required to know every placement of every amino acid in the human body. Needless to say, he stressed me out little bit unnecessarily (I still love you baby, and thanks for all your help).... E got me on the right page... and essentially said we were just responsible for knowing what we'd been over in class. It's still a lot, folks, so that's not much of a reconciliation... But at least I haven't considered dropping out of med school... today anyway.