Things That Happen in Elevators

My post the other day about the lady I met in the elevator got me thinking... I've had some interesting things happen in elevators at the med school over recent years...

1. While studying for the MCAT I was in the elevator of the med student building holding a Kaplan book... and probably looking rather haggard, sleep deprived and discouraged. A med student looked at me and started lamenting about how horrible the MCAT was... and how he wouldn't wish it on his worst enemy. He was like "Good, luck (dripping with sarcasm)... that's the worst thing I've EVER had to do. I would rather DIE than have to do that again. Seriously, just scoop out my eyes with a spoon instead of making me do just ONE MCAT passage...etc. etc. etc.". Needless to say, he didn't make me feel much better.

2. I was walking back from the mailroom of my apartment in the med school housing, and I'd just received my rejection letter from my first attempt applying to the med school where I am now attending. I was barely holding it together when I got into the elevator with a preppy, good looking guy in a suit with a name-tag... obviously an interviewee. He was staring at me for a few seconds with a big smile... then very friendly asked if I was a med student here. Whoops! Wrong question, wrong girl, wrong time! I burst into tears, said "No. And apparently I'm not going to be! So you should be very grateful that you have interviews... cause not everybody does...!"... waving my rejection letter. He looked so surprised and stammered... "Uh... I'm sorry?". I jumped off the elevator at the next floor and ran to my room. Poor guy. He didn't know what estrogen-saturated can of worms he opened with that innocent question. Hopefully he didn't end up here...

3. Last week in the parking garage I was late to class and running to catch an elevator that was closing before I could get in. A young doctor must have noticed my facial expression of despair, because he blocked the door to wait for me. Once I was in he said "See, I risked my hands for you. Wasn't that nice of me?" to which I said "I guess you're not a surgeon, then.". He looked confused and asked why... and I said "Isn't there some joke about surgeons sticking their heads between elevator doors... cause they can spare their brains but not their hands?". To which he replied "Well, I am a surgeon, and I've never heard that". Whoops!

If You Don't Believe That Things Happen For A Reason....

You should. Fate is a very strange entity, indeed.

Tonight I'm sitting on my bed... blogging away and lamenting to my boyfriend (who was watching the news) about my blog, my ideals, being different from everyone else, my debt, my background, etc. A minute later he flips the screen around and says... "Hey, there are other people who've done the same thing.... look!" I watch for a second and nearly fall off my bed. CNN is profiling an ER doctor who is discussing his alternative background, his rocky application, and his choices in medicine.

That's not the reason I nearly fell off my chair. It's because I know him. Dr. Ruiz. I worked for him as a clinical researcher in the ER while I was at Harvard... and here he is... on CNN... discussing some of the very same issues I've been bogged down with all day.

Tell me THAT's not a strange coincidence?

Reasons Why Being A Med Students Rocks

1. No more pre-med!!!! - This is by far the #1 reason. All that panic, feelings of inadequacy, worry about debt, trying to prove you're "good enough", trying to figure out what the hell else you'll do if you don't get accepted.... that's all gone. All of that oscillating between "I want to be a doctor more than anything on the planet" and "holy Mary mother of GOD, I CANNOT take this anymore" is gone. You're there. There are very few things you can do to F&%# up your situation at this point (which we will discuss in another post).

2. You finally get to study things that are 100% relevant to your interests. You don´t have to study horrible science classes with no clinical applications, no survey classes that are way below your intellectual capabilities and are in no way able to keep your interest, no fluff BS classes like "Introduction to Liberal Arts", and no suffering through painfully boring lectures that a hold absolutely no relevance to your career goals. Even BIOCHEM in med school is wonderful. I promise.

3. People start telling you that you're smart. - Which may not seem like a big deal, but it's an interesting phenomenon. I don't ever particularly remember feeling as though people thought I was an idiot... but I do remember always feeling the need to demonstrate that I was capable. Before, it always seemed like professors and advisors were a little (or a lot) on the discouraging/skeptical side. If I had an idea, question, or whatever I was usually faced with 762 reasons why my idea was ridiculous or not possible. In med school your professors LISTEN to you.... and they seem genuinely happy and excited to answer your questions. And when you have a new idea, they say "I don't know, try it!". It's amazing! It's as if I've entered into this whole world where I am suddenly considered credible and capable. It's pretty damn nice, actually.

4. You're one of the "Good Guys" - You're going to be a doctor, and for all intents and purposes that's the same as actually being a doctor for most people... and you are suddenly a "good guy". "Good Guys" are few and far between. Firefighters are good guys. Lawyers, not so much.. The definition of a "good guy" is someone that everyone generally assumes to be benevolent, trustworthy, well intentioned... and who is welcome in nearly every society in the world. As long as you conduct yourself appropriately, your title as a physician... as a healer... automatically gives you privileges that other people have to earn over time. For instance, people listen to you, respect what you say, and will let you see them naked within 5 minutes of knowing them. Not to say that you can't screw up your identity as a "good guy"... because many doctors do. But your default starting position in mainstream society is as a "good guy". If you keep your reputation solid, it's like having a golden ticket at Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.

5. Your family starts calling you for medical advice - For which, you can say something innocuous like "I think you have a virus"... then charge them $220 bucks! (Just Kidding!)

Thank You To My Readers

I opened my inbox and I CAN NOT believe how many lovely notes I received which demonstrate that all the things that I hoped to accomplish with this blog are indeed happening... albeit rather silently. I guess my target audience is a little soft-spoken and shy compared to some of the obnoxious loudmouths... so for all of you and your inspiring emails, thank you! For a little while there I felt like I was just throwing myself into traffic for the fun of being dragged over speedbumps...by my hair.

And for now, I'll be keeping the blog public. Your feedback keeps me doing this... so please continue to read, comment, and ask questions. I am happy to be a source of entertainment and hopefully a few resources for whatever journey you are on... be it the path to med school, your career as a physician or your road to healing as a patient. To everyone who wrote an email, you'll be on my invite list in the event of catastrophe. And thankyou. Thankyou.

Surprisingly....

I guess I'm at a more liberal school than I anticipated... because the other day one of my professors was discussing the use of medical marijuana.... and seemed to be more or less in favor of using it. His attitude was largely "Well, if it works, why not?" which really impressed me coming from him. If he was a young radical hippy family medicine guy I wouldn't have thought anything of it... but this guy is old school. And old.

And in honor of that discussion.. here's a REAL funny that my Dad sent me. And he doesn't even smoke... unlike most my friend's parents. (Hey, I grew up in Northern California).

Ouch

Wow. Just took a biochem test. Or maybe it took me. Yikes, that was really hard. Hopefully by this time next week I'll still be in med school. That's what I get for saying that I wasn't freaking out. Damn.

Blogs, Blogs

Oh, what to do. So blogging is only fun when you're somewhat anonymous.. and things have been getting oddly non-anonymous. Plus the internet is the internet and assholes seem to crawl out from every rock they're festering under to chip in their 2 cents. For the record, the point of this blog is to have a forum for medical discussions, venting, ranting, ethics, pre-med issues, and all around positive talk. That's it.

What to do? Make the blog private? Maybe. Sort of defeats the purpose. But I thought that would work. Then my boyfriend told me that was mean... leaving my readers out in the cold with no warning (including him, I guess)... which was advice I somewhat ignored out of irritation of the whole situation.

But then the emails came. Quite a few. Requests to re-open and invite. So I'm opening this up for a little while to get some feedback. Any thoughts on keeping the blog open, by invite only, etc? I haven't decided what my plan of action is... but at the very least if I make the blog private and you'd like an invite... send me an email to doctorella2013@gmail.com and I'll put you on the list.

Thanks,

Ella

Dr. Kovec + Ella = BFF

I have a bad habit of asking millions of questions. Always. And because I feel that either 1) I'm asking a question when my classmates are dying to leave, or 2) I've interrupted something important to ask a rather stupid question... I often preface my question with an "I'm sorry, I have one more question" Today I had a case review with my group and Dr. Kovec. I was getting ready to leave when he addressed my by name.

"Ella, stay a moment please."

Oh shit. I knew I shouldn't have asked that dumb question earlier about listening for an abdominal aortic dissection. I'm such an idiot.

"Yes, sir?"

"Don't apologize for asking questions. It makes you look weak. And you have very wise questions, smart girl"

"Ok, I'll be better"

Whew!!! 3rd time he's called me "smart girl", AND I have "wise questions". We've come a long way from him yelling at me for squeezing a lung too softly.

Oh, funny!

Today after anatomy, I headed home without bothering to change my clothes. I got into the elevator with a little old lady, so I said "Sorry, I smell so bad, I was in anatomy class" She just looked at me, smiled, and said "That's ok dear, old people smell too"

LOL

How Did I Get So Lucky?

Well, I wished that I could say I planned this, but I didn't. If it were up to me, I probably would have gone to one of the other 2 schools I got wait-listed at... just because they were cheaper. But alas, I'm here. And I am SOOOOO at the right school.

I'm so thankful to be at a school where grades are truly pass/fail, the students help each other, the professors aren't out to trick you, everybody acts like everyone else is equally intelligent, and it's fun to go to school. It's odd to be in an academic environment where the professors assume you're bright by default simply by virtue of being in med school.... and you don't have to prove yourself to anyone. Much different from pre-med when a professor will stand up in front of an entire o-chem class and say how this class is going to "separate the boys from the men" or how it's a "weeding out process for med school". That was always sooooo encouraging. Anyway, it's nice to be taken seriously when you ask a question or have an opinion. And I LOVE that the attitude here is largely "everything is fine, do you best, relax, you'll be a doctor at the end of this... even if we have to bottle feed you the whole damn way".

If you can't tell, I have block exams this week.... and I'm oddly not freaking out. I don't have to worry about being at the top of my class, and my grades so far are nowhere near failing... so I just feel really happy overall. And nobody seems to be freaking out that much. Granted, I don't know how everybody feels... but I haven't seen anyone in dry heaves or obviously strung out on adderall... so I'll take that to mean that everyone else is doing reasonably well also.

This Is Going To Make You Mad... So Don't Shoot the Messenger...

I've been poking around some pre-med forums lately... gasp!... and I am never surprised to see the never-ending plethora of "nevers" and "can nots" and "won't happens". This time, specifically surrounding MCAT scores. So for all you that have 38R's... you might want to stop reading now.

So suffice it to say, in my travels around the educational world I've spent time in some pretty prestigious schools... including public and private California schools, "BIG" name state schools, top-tier private schools, and the big Boston "H". While at each place, I've integrated into various department offices, mingled with lots of high-ups, and had lots of friends. Occasionally some interesting confidential piece of information would drop in my lap... which I have really never told anyone. Until now.

For all of those who think you can't get into med school without a 3.8 gpa or a 34 MCAT, I'm here to set you straight. While I can't (and won't) tell you how I know, or where I know it from, or who I know, I will tell you what I know. That is that I have seen people (more than 1, and more than 10) get into (interviewed, accepted, matriculated) US allopathic medical schools (not crappy ones, either!) who were ridiculously under-qualified. Not "sorta" under qualified. As my hero Carrie Bradshaw said about love... "ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't believe it's true" under-qualified. While I won't reveal exactly what I've seen, I'll give you some examples of how I differentiate between "sorta" and "ridiculously" under-qualified.

"Sorta" would be something analogous to one of the following situations:

1) 26 MCAT and 3.1 GPA overall, 2.9 sciences

2)21 MCAT and 3.89 overall, 3.7 sciences

3) 35 MCAT and 2.7 overall GPA and 2.9 science

"Ridiculously" under-qualified looks something like this:

1) 12 MCAT, 3.0 GPA, and a Bachelor's of Computer Systems (aka from a tech school)

2) 15 MCAT, 2.4 GPA, half pre-med classes not completed

3) or, um, NO MCAT at all???

So for those of you calling BS on me right now... lets think about this. Is it possible? If a school has a 30.2 average MCAT and has a decent reputation... you know for sure they are admitting students with wayyyyyy stronger scores. It only takes a few 37's to balance out a score of 12. Not to say that these cases make up a big portion of med school classes. But I'd venture to say there are several students like this every year in every medical school. Of course no school in their right mind would cop to this... and definitely they didn't pick a random score of 12 out of the AMCAS pile and say "Hey, let's take a chance on this one". These people generally get admitted because someone owes someone a favor, or Johnny is Dr. So-and-So's son, or we really need to represent Alaska this year, or whatever. It happens.

The day I saw my first evidence of ridiculousness I cried because I felt so disillusioned. Even my crappiest scores were stronger than things I saw... and I certainly knew I was more deserving than some jackass kid with a 12 MCAT and no physics classes. Anyway, the point of this is just to show that numbers are arbitrary. Schools pick who they like, they pick who they want, and then they pick a bunch of smart kids to balance everything out. Someday you'll come across some evidence of ridiculousness at some school you're affiliated with, and you'll think "Holy Shit, Ella was right!"

Update from comments section: I definitely think there are cases of merit coming in different packages. And certainly being a Rhodes scholar or something like that is a different story. And maybe I was ambiguous, but I wasn't referring to people with a 27 on the MCAT. In my opinion, there's no significant difference between a 27 and a 30. But a 12? And while I'm no fan of the numbers game, it seems wrong that the margins of acceptance are so widely bent for the right people. Guaranteed, many applicants with low scores have some amazing experiences on their CV's... peace corps, entrepreneurs, whatever... but they don't get the same consideration because their scores don't even make the cut-off for a full ad-com review. My point is not that someone with a 12 can't possibly deserve to be in med school, but rather that someone who successfully applies with a 12 is certainly not being judged by the same critera... which makes this a highly arbitrary process