From a Reader.....
My God, I have absolutely no idea....but I do think about this all the time. As someone who also has never really been terribly concerned about having kids or getting married, I never even once considered this before I got into medical school. Frankly I didn't care. I always figured, "Eh, if it doesn't happen... no biggie". And to a large degree I still feel that way. But I'd be lying if I said there isn't a part of me that does think about it now. I know for a fact that I do want to be with someone... hopefully forever. That may bring marriage, it might not.... I'm fine with that. And I figure that can come at any age. But damn, that nagging kid thing. I don't even know if I want them. SHOULD I want kids? Is there something wrong with me if I don't? Honestly, I think the only times I've ever really even briefly WANTED children was when I met a guy that I really liked... and my semi-psychotic female automatic future-life-planner drive went into high gear for a few moments and I thought... Sigh, I'd love to have children if it was with HIM. But then.... once the gleam of the guy faded... so did the desire for children. Which begs the question... do I actually want children (I think yes, when the time...and guy... is right)....and what happens when I find the perfectly right guy that I want to have children with and it DOES work out? Will it be too late? And that concerns me. Will I regret all the times maybe I could have settled down with a nice guy and had kids 10 years ago?
I doubt it. First of all, did I really "give up" having children? No. Its not like I met the PERFECT guy for me and said "sorry sucka, I'm going to med school, later".... I mean there were nice guys, great guys, but nobody that I wanted to be with forever. So really I didn't really sacrifice something I wanted for med school... I left something behind that I felt blase about and headed towards a dream. Not settling for the wrong guy is something I will never, ever regret.
Let's just say for a moment, hypothetically, that I did settle for one of the guys in my life and got married and had kids at the expense of becoming a physician. I can, undoubtably, say that for me (for ME, people) that would have been a decision I truly regretted. Every single day. I thought about becoming a doctor all day every day for years. Kids and husband? I thought about that when the mood struck me.
So maybe the real question is, do I regret not actively seeking the perfect husband who I could have had children with and with whom I could still be a doctor? Eh, maybe occasionally. I don't regret it right now, because honestly I'm GLAD not to have children at this point in my life. But I bet that 15 years from now, if I'm still single, I will have a different answer.
