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Friday, November 6, 2009

Boyfriend as Psychiatrist

Ahhh. Dating a psychiatrist. Well, I guess we're past dating because we own a home together... but just for fun, I'll say we're dating. So of course you've heard that all psychiatrists are crazy. Well let me clear up that rumor right now. It's true. My boyfriend is nuts. In a good way. Most of the time.

The cool thing about dating a psychiatrist is that he is acutely insightful about everything he does wrong. For instance if I say angrily, "How many friggin' times do I have to tell you....If you don't RINSE the sponge with hot water and SQUEEZE it dry, it gets moldy. Do you SMELL that? Do you want to eat off a plate cleaned with THAT?" He'll say "Ok, you're right. That sounds logical. I'll try to be better. I'm not promising anything... but I'll do my best to remember." Ok, so this kind of psychiatrist talk gets under my skin a little... cause it seems a little condescending but what can you really say to that answer??... However, it sure beats "Yo bitch, if you'd do the damn dishes yourself we wouldn't have this problem"

Additionally, what's cool is that he always sticks up for me by labeling others with Axis I disorders to make me feel better. For instance, if I am complaining about how Alisha is too boy crazy and a drama queen... he'll be like "Well, she's classical histrionic. Hypersexual type." Or if I complain that somebody stood me up twice for a meeting and didn't call he'll say "He's so ADD he can barely function"

Ok, the part that sucks is that when you're dating a relatively insightful person... you're supposed to be insightful and reflective too. On demand. Which I'm not. I'm much more of a "go to bed pissed, wake up a little grumpy, forget about it an hour later and never think about it again type of person". I am definitely NOT a "lets talk about this, what could I do better, here's what you could do better, yes in retrospect a good compromise would be, kiss and make up" type of person. And dating someone who is a "lets talk about" kind of person can make you feel incredibly immature when you just prefer to skulk and steam for a little while, then forget about. Because the disconnect leads to "I really don't think we properly resolved that problem last month. I think we should talk about it again and make a list of the things we should do better" from him... and all I'm thinking is "uh....what argument????"

2 comments:

  1. Ok this post? Was hilarious. I think I might actually be a psychiatrist, now that you mention it.....

    And you my dear? Totally Medicine or ED.

    Useful FYI -- Personality disorders like the drama queen are Axis 2, ADD would be Axis 1. Since I'm being a know-it-all in your comments, now you'll never forget! ;-)

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  2. Well I'm glad to know SOMEBODY thinks I should be in the ED... and know-it-all's can be useful... occasionally :)

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