Wow. Oh, wow. So I took a one week excused leave from med school. Which now, I can tell, is clearly not enough time. In a moment of crises I headed to the student health center to seek a little help... and the Doc says to me "you want my opinion as a doctor or as your friend"? WTF kind of question is that? Our conversation went something like this...
Me: WTF kind of question is that?
Him: Well, as a physician, I'd probably give you some sleep aid and refer you to some counseling, tell you to come see me in a few days.
Me: And as a "friend"?
Him: I'd tell you that I've never seen another student experience the same levels of shit you've experienced and not drop out of school. Or at least take a semester off.
Me: HA! Well, I don't know if you've checked the tuition fee schedule in the last 20 years, but taking a semester off costs me about $39,000.00. And a year of my life. Which at my age I'm not that willing to give up. Plus, frankly, medical school is the only thing I actually LIKE about life right now.
Him: Well, you can pay $39,000.00 and take time off to get your life together... or you can pay $39,000.00 and be back here two weeks from now when you've really cracked... AND you can have a big fat FAIL on your record.
Me: (silently in thought) touche. (out loud) Can I have the fucking sleeping pills?
So I took the script for Rozerem... which is some melatonin thingy I don't really understand and at the same time is like manna from heaven. The shit works. And I don't feel like, well, shit the next day. I also took a week off of school. I also moved. Or rather I am in the process of moving. Which is the bane of my existence.... as I am kind of a physical wimp and as well a VERY bad packer.
Now I have to figure out what to do about the massive amount of work that I have to catch up on. What's more horrible than having to take time out of med school? Having to look forward to DOUBLE med school to make up for all you've missed.
/hugs Ella... but as you told me, if its life circumstances that are stopping you, that's lame; if it is lack of desire, that's a whole other deal.
ReplyDeleteSounds like your situation is akin to mine - and desire is not the issue.
Since I don't know exactly how med schools work, is it possible for you to lighten your load for this term and make it up later? I know the years are pretty rigid MS1, MS2, clinicals 3 and 4; just wondering if there isn't some way for you to lighten the stress atm.
Ad2b
What exactly do you mean, "What to do with your life?"
ReplyDeleteDo you mean you're reconsidering becoming a doctor? Or is it that other things just got too overwhelming to cope with all of it at the same time, and you're wondering what to do with the *rest* of your life?
Ella, obviously you will become a doctor. You will get the rest of your life straightened out, and it will be fine.
No, I am in no way thinking about quitting med school. Just trying to figure out the rest of what makes up my life. I don't know how to get everything in order... and get back to school.
ReplyDeleteElla, my advice is usually hard, direct, and overrated, but I'll tell you what I'd tell myself:
ReplyDelete"Quit being a little bitch. Suck it up, and do what it takes. You have to do double the work to catch up? So what. I want to be a doctor."
As I write this, my wife is telling me her doc just scheduled her for a c-section because the baby is breech. They want to do it on a Monday, so I have to miss at least two days of lecture. I am trying to figure out how to get my train engineer license recertified before I go on family leave, and how the hell to support us while I'm off work.
I feel like a complete asshole asking if the doc would consider doing the op on Friday so I don't miss classes, but we knew there would be tough choices and sacrifices for me to follow this dream.
I am not willing to let ANYTHING deter me from doing whatever needs to be done to stay on track.
As far a school goes, this is an opportunity to show yourself just how committed you are... double the work? Bring it on. You have what it takes, and you will have no doubt in your mind about that when you make it through. I'd say good luck, but that's not going to help.
It's time to start kicking ass and taking names. YOU CAN DO IT!!!
Hi Ella:
ReplyDeleteI would say stick with med school, the way you write about medicine and your passion for it makes you who will become an excellent doctor. Things will fall in order the way they should, just be patient, I know its all overwhelming to not know what that order will be and its hard to not let it bother you, but in time, it will come to you and you'll breathe a sigh of relief. Congrats on the Big D Award!
Strange that the dude felt he couldn't offer doctor and friend advice together. Things like this are all the more reason a doctors like you Ella are definitely needed in our profession.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with whatever it is that is weighing on you. A good friend of mine had to take a semester off in medical school. It was the best thing that ever happened to him.
I know that nothing will ever stop you! You are smart, sensitive and full of life! Just take it one day at a time and soon with everything in place the dreamer and the unstop-able Ella will come back... We all care for you!!
ReplyDeleteI have no doubt that you will be one of the best doctors I have ever meet. I know very well that you can do it.And if it helps I want you to know that I am helping you however I can, and will always support your decisions. You can do it !!