For all the hoopla... and advice from people who don't have kids (oops, peeps like me)... the answer is very simple.
Q: Can you go to med school with kids?
A: Yes, of course
Q: Can you have kids while in med school?
A: Yes, of course.
Q: Will it be easy?
A: Maybe. That depends on you.
Q: As easy as it is for someone with no kids, no commitments, no other responsibilities except studying?
A: No, likely not.
I mean, that's it folks! People have their own priorities. And many many people make kids work in medical school. I personally know a couple in my class who is expecting their first baby... both are second year med students. I also know a couple that graduated from med school several years ago, were BOTH in med school and had THREE kids under the age of 8 (one was an infant). I know an older female student who just started med school at 36, and has kiddos at home. And I know a guy friend of mine who went to the Caribbean with a 1 year old his first year... and his wife (not a student) is pregnant and expecting half way through his second year. All of them love their kids and their lives.
I mean, it all goes back to what you LIKE! Personally, I don't really want to be a mom right now... so having kids sounds yucky to me. I spend all of my extra time blogging, cooking, taking my dog to the park, going to museums, shopping, etc. But could I change my mind, and substitute all that time for raising kids? Sure. its totally doable.
My best advice? Seriously, anything (almost) is possible. Just depends on how much you want to do it.
Thoughts?
Q: Will it be easy?
ReplyDeleteA: Maybe. That depends on you.
No. That depends on how good a parent you want to be. Being a good parent is not easy, regardless of what else you are doing with your life. If it was going to be easy, it wouldn't start out with something called labor.
I'm a premed student with 2 kids ages 8 and 5...I always like hearing that it won't be totally impossible to survive med school!
ReplyDeleteI don't know WarmSocks... I've seen people do both with amazing grace and success... I think it really depends on the person... Don't know if it IS easy... but they sure make it seem like a breeze....
ReplyDeletePons Asinorum - thanks for the comment. Didn't post it bc I didn't want to direct attn to that awful place. But thanks...
ReplyDeleteQ: Will it be expensive?
ReplyDeleteA: That depends on if you have relatives in the area to take on the childcare for you.
I only bring this up because I ran into a classmate of mine who is 6 months pregnant the other day who told me that she was "shocked" at how much daycare was going to cost. Not exactly the revelation I'd want to be having 6 months into pregnancy.
And also, I think what warm socks means is that it depends on what kind of parent you want to be. Do you want to be the kind of parent who sees all his/her kid's firsts? Who never misses a recital or sports event? Who makes delicious home cooked meals every single night and has an immaculate house? Then perhaps being a mommy while in med school is not going to be for you. I personally don't think any of those things is the definition of being a "good" mommy. But then, I'm not most people.
Ella from someone who has kids I agree with Warm Socks, no it's not going to be easy. Being a parent is NEVER easy. It's just which battles you're picking for yourself. I can see how an outsider thinks it looks easy, I get that all the time (most annoying comment in the world). But you don't know all the worries, stress, work and sleepless nights that is going on behind the scenes. And how well school works out with being a parent does depend on the child too. No it's not going to be easy, but it's not impossible.
ReplyDeleteDoes someone who has never had kids really have the ability to give the advice of whether it's going to be easy or not? I'd direct the attentions to http://www.mothersinmedicine.com This is advice from those who have actually done it, and they do discuss kids with school and career several times.
Also I believe the constant discussion about this is that people know that having kids with different ages at different stages of school, it's all going to be a different scenario each with it's own pros and cons and they are trying to figure out which situation, which cons they can best deal with.
Look, I'm not trying to suggest that being a parent in med school is a walk in the park. What I am saying is that many people ENJOY the responsibilities that come along with being a parent. Regardless if they are in med school or not. I'm essentially trying to say that the level of EASE at which this task will be completed is dependent on the person. I mean, what I'm saying isn't rocket science. Like OMDG said... yeah, if you're the type of person who isn't happy with sending your kids to school with store bought Valentines... and simply must have home-made ones... you're looking at a lot more difficulty. If you have relatives to help take care of your kids, that is clearly something that eases tremendous amounts of financial pressure. If you have other sources of income than financial aid, things will obviously run a lot smoother.
ReplyDeleteThe point of the post isn't to piss off all you med student parents.... it's to show that people make different things priorities in their lives... and I know plenty of people who have kids and have demanding careers/professional school/ single parent situations and do just fine. And if you ask them about it... they are first to say... "yeah there are things that are a pain in the butt... but we love it and it's totally feasible"
Geez.
No worries, probably should have just emailed you. I enjoy reading posts re: this subject more as a sociology/psychology experiment than anything. As soon as the bell rings, instead of touching gloves everyone heads to their little ideological corner that they've built up for themselves to make their own choices/life make the most sense. Pretty soon things like "good parent" start getting thrown around and people's feelings start getting hurt. Med school is hard. Being a parent is hard. Doing both, at the same time, is hard. But so is being a parent and running a small business. Or being a parent and being a consultant. People get so wrapped around the axle of what they think a "good" parent is or is not, it makes for fascinating reading, if not great advice on life choices. I knew where the woman who posted the other day on SDN was coming from; making the decision to go back to medical school is a tough decision for everybody, especially when facing down other serious life decisions. She made the mistake of thinking out loud on SDN and thinking that people wouldn't do what people on SDN ALWAYS do - expand out their n=1, purely anecdotal evidence to be a universal truth with which to bludgeon other posters. Frequently involving the words "Caribbean." :)
ReplyDeleteAs a parent who is planning on more probably while I am still pursuing the UG...being a parent is incredibly hard and I have to work full time and I go to school...do I miss out on some things occasionally? Sure, but am I there for the really important stuff? Absolutely. Like Ella has said it all depends on the person, any working parent regardless of in medicine or otherwise is at times going to have to put the job first or the family first...it's all in what you feel comfortable with. I just try to make sure that the time I am spending with my son is QUALITY..not me half listening and saying "uh-huh" to everything.
ReplyDeleteMy sister-in-law had her first baby while a resident. Now her daughter is 3 yo, going on 4. A while back my sister-in-law was cooking in the kitchen while her daughter was playing with her dolls. She put the dolls in the corner, next to each other and said, "Now, girls, listen. I am busy right now, I can't play with you. I will be back soon, so be good." And left the kitchen. My sister-in-law went to the bedroom and cried her eyes out.
ReplyDeleteI think Mothers in Medicine Blog says it best from all angles - student, resident, fellow, attending and backwards. After all, we never know how EASY it might be for us, until we are actually wearing their shoes. So the rest is speculation.
Hey Lady, why have you stopped posting?I have checked so many times, but nothing.I hope you begin again.
ReplyDeleteI think that being a mother will be just as tough after medical school. It all depends on when you want to take that plunge.
ReplyDeleteStudyshy on SDN