Med Student Texting

(from my resident) Hey sorry you didn't get to eat today. Or yesterday.

(from classmate) FUCK I overslept. Just tell them I'll be there asap ok?

(from me) Are you fucking crazy? i'm not telling them anything. just get here. they don't even know you exist. 7th floor.

(from B1) saw my first C-section today.... nurse got sliced. straight up shanked with a blade

(from classmate) shit! what's the blood supply to the thyroid? no time to look it up. text me asap. Dr. X is going to kick my ass.

(from classmate at 9:45am) hurry up let's get breakfast [cafeteria closes for breakfast at 10:00am]

(from me) he freakin' knows I'm hungry and he's keeping me here

(from me at 10:01) he just let me go

(classmate) ass! totally did that on purpose

(from a classmate) ok seriously, my resident is making me babysit the intern. this is a fucking joke

(from me to my resident) hey i just checked Mr K's labs and his glucose is 35

(from my resident) does he look like he's dying?

(me) well no not really

(resident) .......[no answer]

(from me) hey, Mrs N isn't in her bed!

(from the resident) what? she's 93 and in restraints! she better be there

(me) she's not

(resident) find her!!

(from resident) where are you guys?

(me) we're um.... practicing

(resident) jesus. practicing what?

(me) do you really want to know?

(resident) yes

(me) we're giving each other IV's in the pre-op supply room

(resident) don't tell me that shit!

(from resident) if you get me a cheeseburger from the cafeteria you can go home early

(me) done

(from my attending) you think I'm gay??

(from me) huh?

(attending) the resident said you guys think I'm gay

(from me) oh. um, no that was classmate X

(from me) but just FYI, I'll still like you if you are

(from him) god