Katie

2) Age (real age please) - 26
3) What's your sign? - med student
4) Briefly describe your career and or academic history. Including your pre-doctor life (if applicable) and bouts of time in between school. What makes you non-trad? - decided in my junior year of college that medical school might be a good idea, and then started taking pre-med classes. I somehow finished them in two years...but after that, I wasn't sure if med school was right for me. I went ahead and applied anyway, and spent a few years working in social services. I did get in, but it was difficult. This was probably because my undergraduate college didn't believe in grades...like at all. We got "narrative evaluations" and so my transcript was 31 pages long...

5) What propelled you to switch into the medical field? - Honestly? I didn't think I could do it. So I did.

6) Family status... married? children? how old are they? - married and contemplating children w/in the next year or two.

7) What's your experience with the MCAT? If you are a successful applicant will you share your academic stats and application highlights? - MCAT - third time was the charm. Managed to get a 29S (I think)...it might have been 30S...I'm not sure. I spent two years working with special needs youth in the inner city, which affirmed that I do NOT want to be a social worker. Helped to run an indigent medication program at a small community health center for a summer. Did undergraduate research in cognitive neuroscience...it was basically me playing w/ photoshop.

8) Biggest hurdle getting to med school - getting in. seriously.

9) Are you going MD or DO? Why? - DO, for a combination of factors. I applied to both simultaneously, because to me, there wasn't really a difference. Both take two years of science classes. Both do two years of rotations. Both do residencies. I basically researched schools and applied to ones that appealed to me for some reason. Either they emphasized community service or they were in a neat location (University of Colorado, I'm looking at you) or my husband liked the area or we had family there. I didn't apply anywhere I wouldn't have wanted to live. I interviewed at both MD and DO schools and liked the DO schools better, so here I am. After nearly two years, I would say that there is little/no difference between the two. I worked at Harvard last summer and easily held my own with the Harvard medical students.

10) Best advice to other pre-meds (non-trad or not)? - Don't be annoying. When you interview, don't ask me about treatment of asystole, because chances are I've forgotten or will think you're showboating. Ask about weather, bars, roads, things that matter.

11) Anything else you'd like to say... or something cool about your story you'd like to share? - the hardest part is getting in...but make sure you want to do this, because at the end of your first year, you're already crazy in debt and have no marketable skills.

Peter

2) Age (real age please) 28
3) What's your sign? (curious and contemplating, pre-med, med-student, resident, fellow, god) Matriculating in 2010...not sure where yet, as I am still waiting to hear about financial aid, but it will likely be Pitt, Case Western or Ohio State (unless a very unlikely waitlist comes through). Also, Virgo.
4) Briefly describe your career and or academic history. Including your pre-doctor life (if applicable) and bouts of time in between school. What makes you non-trad?I graduated from college in 2004 with a degree in Computer Science and went to work in the software industry. I worked there for a few years before quitting my job, going back to school full time (had none of the pre-reqs) and making the switch. In the meantime, I was an EMT and have been working as an aide in a hospital on a med/surg floor.

5) What propelled you to switch into the medical field?I discovered pretty quickly that I was not a money-motivated person, and therefore didn't feel terribly motivated by the corporate world. Working in computer science wasn't something that would get me out of bed in the morning. It was a good academic interest but not a good professional interest. In making my decision to switch to medicine, I considered a variety of things (education, for example) but ultimately settled on medicine because I felt it would be the most challenging, intellectually stimulating, impacting, etc.

6) Family status... married? children? how old are they?Single.

7) What's your experience with the MCAT? If you are a successful applicant will you share your academic stats and application highlights? I'm fortunate in that I've always been a good test taker. I only had to take the MCAT once and scored a balanced 37Q (12/12/13). Without a doubt, this is what got me into medical school.

8) Biggest hurdle getting to med school My undergraduate GPA was my biggest hurdle. I was one of those people who didn't take undergrad seriously, and while I didn't do horribly, I came out with a 3.35. Fortunately, I hadn't had any science courses, so I had the opportunity to pull my GPA up pretty substantially with my post-bacc work. My cGPA ended up around 3.51 and my sGPA was a 3.79. I had some clinical research which resulted in poster presentations at national medical conferences, and a variety of volunteer work.

9) Are you going MD or DO? Why? I am going MD because I would like to give myself the best chance at the best residency I can get.

10) Best advice to other pre-meds (non-trad or not)? For both non-trads and trads, I would say an important part of the medical school application process is coming up with your narrative. What's your story, and how does it relate to why you're going into medicine. Everyone looks pretty much the same on paper. Your story is something that can set you apart. Also, during the application process, give yourself more time than you think is necessary for every part of it. Every part of it takes more time than you think it will. Guaranteed.

11) Anything else you'd like to say... or something cool about your story you'd like to share? Not really. Applying to medical school is one of the more obnoxious things I've done in my life, and I hear residency is just as bad. Here's to doing it again in 4 years!

Cecil

2) Age (real age please)

30

3) What's your sign? (curious and contemplating, pre-med, med-student, resident, fellow, god)

pre-med

4) Briefly describe your career and or academic history. Including your pre-doctor life (if applicable) and bouts of time in between school. What makes you non-trad?

Began in electrical engineering, then computer science. Dropped out in 2003 at to start my own business. Business was good, started working for the Union Pacific for the benefits, and began to like it. Currently, I'm a locomotive engineer, and still programming work on the side. Never really meant to return to school until the birth of our son. Within two months, I was enrolled in college as a Biology major at age 29. I plan to graduate May 2011, and *hopefully* matriculate in August of 2011.

5) What propelled you to switch into the medical field?

Birth of our son... not sure why the first two didn't trigger this fascination with medicine, but ever since the seed was planted, I have been on a mission to get into medical school.

6) Family status... married? children? how old are they?

Married 7 years, 3 children (4, 1, 0)

7) What's your experience with the MCAT? If you are a successful applicant will you share your academic stats and application highlights?

Will take it this summer. Share? I'll be telling anyone who will listen if I get accepted!

8) Biggest hurdle getting to med school

Money and timing. At the moment, I have to work full time while going to school. It is possible that my job will require me to travel in the near future which will mean I can't attend classes. I am currently considering quitting and finding another job. This is a major impediment since my current wage and benefits are really good. I really don't have time to volunteer between work, school, and family, so I worry that will hurt my app. Finally, although I have earned straight As for the last few semesters, I'm not sure it will be enough to overcome some bumps in my previous college transcripts (10 years old).

9) Are you going MD or DO? Why?

Whoever will take me. I am more interested in becoming a doc than what the initials are behind my name. To be honest, I'd really prefer MD, but just because I don't want to have to defend/explain it to everyone I meet.

10) Best advice to other pre-meds (non-trad or not)?

Screw the little voice in your head that says your goal is impossible. If I gave up every time I came up with a new way in which I am unworthy, not ready, etc. I wouldn't make it 5 minutes.

11) Anything else you'd like to say... or something cool about your story you'd like to share?

I haven't made it yet, but I guarantee you that if I DO make it... so can anyone else. The only thing that I have going for me is my ability to proceed as if there were no obstacles at all.


Update:


MCAT - 24Q (I was quite happy given I hadn't had o-chem or micro at the time)
Thoughts on the exam: I know this is not normal, but I wasn't nervous at all. I didn't find it particularly difficult... the parts I had difficulty with were entirely due to coursework I had not yet completed. I used ExamKrackers, and if you learn well from text, I would highly recommend it.

Appication: I applied to 2 in-state schools. I was invited to complete secondaries for both, and just completed my first interview. It was a BLAST! I was the only one not dressed in a black or navy suit, and they even asked me about it in the interview. As long as you're dressed professionally, breaking the mold is VERY apparent in a room full of "penguins."

Katherine

KATHERINE

2) Age (real age please)
28

3) What's your sign? (curious and contemplating, pre-med, med-student, resident, fellow, god)
Sagittarius

4) Briefly describe your career and or academic history. Including your pre-doctor life (if applicable) and bouts of time in between school. What makes you non-trad?
I barely graduated high school at the age of 17 - I failed 5 classes in my senior year and I had to attend summer school in order to get my diploma. I was young, unmotivated, and in a really bad home situation. I took one semester at a community college - majoring in art, of all things - and failed out because I just stopped going to classes. So I got a job. My first job was at a stable, mucking out stalls and taking care of the horses for ten hours a day, six days a week, for six dollars an hour under the table. I loved it. I met my boyfriend, moved in with him, and after holding a few other small jobs, I started doing secretarial work. I worked my way into progressively better jobs with increasing levels of responsibility. My last job was at a Philadelphia medical college, working under one of Philadelphia's Magazine's "Top Doctors". While I was working there full-time, I enrolled in their night school part-time, because I felt like I was ready to give college a try again. I flourished, and I realized I really loved science. So when my boyfriend started making enough money to support the both of us, I quit working and started going to college full-time. I will graduate this May with a BS in Biophysics and a minor in French.

5) What propelled you to switch into the medical field?
When I was a kid, I read a series of books called "Cherry Ames." They were about a nurse, and each book was a different "adventure" she had. There was one where she was an army nurse, and I was convinced that that's what I would be when I grew up. But I lost all interest in anything academic when I hit my teen years, and so nothing ever came of it. Later, when I was working at a med school, I realized I really enjoyed learning about science and medicine, and at the same time, I found through my interactions with the med students that they were no brighter than me. It made me realize I could do it, and that I would be selling myself short if I remained a secretary.

6) Family status... married? children? how old are they?
Not married, no children. This September, my boyfriend and I will celebrate our ten-year anniversary. :)

7) What's your experience with the MCAT? If you are a successful applicant will you share your academic stats and application highlights?
I took a Kaplan prep course, which probably was most helpful in that it gave me a concrete study plan and concise materials from which to study. I took the MCAT once and got a 33N (11PS, 12VR, 10BS), which I'm pretty much happy with (except for the writing score - I had one really crummy writing prompt). My cGPA at the time of application was 3.85 and my sGPA was 3.76 (I was able to get my community college F grades turned retroactively into W, so they didn't hurt my GPA, thankfully).

8) Biggest hurdle getting to med school
There were two big hurdles. One of them is an issue of practicality: I only applied to the Philadelphia allopathic schools because we need to stay in Philly for my boyfriend's job. The second hurdle was me: I needed to build confidence in myself academically, to prove that I wouldn't get lazy or allow demotivation to get the better of me. I still have a healthy fear of failure but I know now that I can be trusted to follow through.
9) Are you going MD or DO? Why?
I'm going MD for the simple reason that it didn't make sense to fill out (and pay for) the AACOMAS application for the only DO school in Philly, when my stats were good enough that I had a decent shot at three of the four Philly allopathics.

10) Best advice to other pre-meds (non-trad or not)?
Here's a bit of advice I wish someone had told me in the beginning: become a tutor. Tutoring means that your skills won't get rusty and your MCAT prep will be that much easier.

11) Anything else you'd like to say... or something cool about your story you'd like to share?

It's sappy, but I couldn't have done any of this without my boyfriend's constant love and support. He has been my rock and I am thankful every day for him.

NON-TRAD PROFILE ~ Brett

So I'm going to start posting these on the blogroll from now on. Not too happy with the formatting issues of the page above. So if you have a profile you'd like me to post... send it to me!!

1) Name (fake or real)

Brett

2) Age (real age please)

26

3) What's your sign? (curious and contemplating, pre-med, med-student, resident, fellow, god)

pre-med

4) Briefly describe your career and or academic history. Including your pre-doctor life (if applicable) and bouts of time in between school. What makes you non-trad?

Directly to college out of high school, I had no real interest in school and ended up failing pretty much every class I took. Went to community college the following year and did the same thing. Went back to the original school and pulled the same crap once again. All in all I have 16 F's and multiple W's on my transcript. Took 5 years off and worked multiple jobs then finally returned to school. After a year and a half haven't gotten anything less than an A. Except for one elective class which my teacher gave me a B (Thank you Professor Siegel, Jackass!) I am the definition of the Non Traditional pre-med.

5) What propelled you to switch into the medical field?

I have always been interested in being a doctor but never thought I had what it takes to make it to med shool

6) Family status... married? children? how old are they?

Single. Interested Ella?

7) What's your experience with the MCAT? If you are a successful applicant will you share your academic stats and application highlights?

I have zero experience with the MCAT and I am terrified of it.

8) Biggest hurdle getting to med school

There are too many to mention. I think the toughest will be overcoming my prior performance in my early years of school. I have my doubts that I will even be able to get an interview due to the fact that I will never be able to get my GPA over a 3.0

9) Are you going MD or DO? Why?

Anyone that will have me.

10) Best advice to other pre-meds (non-trad or not)?

Don't ever think that you can't do it. I intend to prove everyone in my life that has ever said I dont have a chance of getting into med school wrong.

11) Anything else you'd like to say... or something cool about your story you'd like to share?

Totally Convinced

EM is the way to go. The other night I went to dinner and had a chance to talk over all my reasons for wanting to go into emergency medicine with an EM attending... and he basically said all my reasons were solid, spot on, and that I'll love being in the field. He also talked to me about the one EM program that is in the city I live in. The program I REALLY want to get into. It isn't the strongest program out there by a long shot... but it's got tons of pathology and trauma... and its here. Which is really really important to me. I have friends and a community here. For the first time in my life. And I don't want to give that up at age 35 to go somewhere "better" academically. I know I could likely get a spot in California or New York or Chicago or wherever. But do I want to? I don't think so. For the first time in my life I don't want to leave everything behind just to make a better play for my career.

Finally something useful....

A VERY nice resident sat with me today and went through an entire panCT with me so I could learn how to read it. Talk about useful!! Thank you to people who care. Yay!

YES!

Ran into an EM attending last night (affiliated with the program I want to go into), I told him I want go to the program so we're meeting up this coming week for dinner to talk about it.

Awesome Sauce!

Step I blows

And I am the worst worst worst student ever. Still not sure when I'm taking it. Supposed to be the 23rd but I'm having a nervous breakdown over it. I talked to the med school rotation coordinator today and he didn't seem all that concerned that I hadn't taken it yet. His attitude was "take your time and we'll make it work. don't worry... at least you aren't having to re-take it like some people" as he waves a (rather large) pile of fail reports at me. Yikes. That doesn't give me that much confidence if that many people in my class have to do a do-over. Especially considering that I suck. Sigh.

Radiology Rocks

Easiest 2 weeks ever! I think I'm going to do this for two more weeks. Yay fake vacation!

Did I Dream It?

Surgery is over, folks. I can't believe I made it. Admittedly, probably only because the last 4 weeks was significantly more bearable than the first 4 weeks. But alas, just the shelf on Friday, then it's off to the happy land of Radiology.

My welcome email said "Please arrive at the conference room at 9:00 wearing business attire and your white coat as you will be seeing patients".

Sigh there are so many things I love about that sentence. From the "please"... showing respect for students as humans.... to the "conference room" (no more OR)... obviously the 9:00 part doesn't need explanation... no more scrubs... and woo hoo! I'll actually get to see (and talk? gasp) to real patients.

Emergency Medicine.... #1 again

16+ hour day yesterday

And you know what? It wasn't terrible. At all. This service has turned out to be wayyyy better than last. Not to say that I'm not still tired, or that I'm no longer dreading the OR, but the people on the team can make a significant difference.

Effing Elevators

Me: Oh wouldn't it be great if we got stuck in this elevator? We could sleep for hours. And I'd share my Cliff Bar with you

My German Med Student Teammate: That does sound lovely. If that happened, I wouldn't even call for help

Later on in the day... on our way out of the hospital about to go home for the evening.... the elevator gets stuck. With me and her. Not *exactly* what we had in mind, damnit!

First Bad Eval

From a resident. Don't know if it counts, thankfully the attendings gave me decent (even good) evals. But here's what it said "Ella is extremely intelligent but lacks the discipline and self-motivation that it takes to succeed in the surgery clerkship. I told her to attend a pelvic exenteration and she refused, said she was "bored" and went home at 3:30 instead".

WTF? First of all, I can PROMISE no such conversation EVER took place, I NEVER went home unless dismissed (which sure the fuck was never at 3:30) and I can certainly swear on the lives of cute innocent penguins that I never "refused" to do ANYTHING let alone would I (in quotes) say I was bored to my resident.

Effing unbelievable.

Did you know you can rent books?

You can. For med school. Which is awesome. And you don't have to pay for shipping. The surgery book I just bought for no reason was a fraction of the price to rent it for the block. Check it out if you are so inclined.

www.CampusBookRentals.com

Just finished first block of surgery. 4 more weeks to go.

And I'm not going to lie, folks. It wasn't pretty. It ISN'T pretty. Like I said before, surgery rocks. Surgeons? Not so much. Not sure how much I want to say... but lets just say that the "holier than thou" attitude gets old. Really fast. The talking shit. The HUGE egos. The cutting each other down. The tension. The pimping. The hierarchy. The obvious a-hole facade covering up for lack of any other quality personality skills.

And it's rather shocking how similar surgeon's personalities are. It's as if only people who are young and impressionable with no independent free will or other interests or a mind of their own get lured into surgery... since they are the only ones who are willing to put up with the effin' bs it takes... and then their personalities are shaped by the surgeons who teach them. Then they never change. And the next group will be just like them.

Anyway... It sucks all around. I'm counting the days. And honestly, I'm pretty sad because I sort of wanted to like it. I mean... in a sick sort of way I thought maybe I'd have this huge deviation from my predicted path and do something crazy. But alas, it is so the exact opposite of my personality to be competitive and nasty and egotistical that I know I would be straight miserable.

So. Surgery is officially... OFF the list. Sad face.

The Golden Rules of Surgery

1. Eat when you can

2. Sleep when you can

3. Don't fuck with the pancreas

The difference between 5 and 7 is not 2

At least, not when you're referring to the number of hours you sleep on your surgery rotation. On 4 or 5 hours of sleep I'm a total freakin' zombie. But 7 hours changes who I am. I'm happy, alert, learning, etc. Too bad most nights there aren't 7 hours between the time I leave the hospital and the time I have to wake up. Sigh. No two ways about it. Surgery rotation blows.

NOT going to be a surgeon

So... I love surgery. BUT I am not a surgeon. I've decided I DO NOT like being "trapped" in the OR. Scrubbed in. It stresses me out. Big time. Leg cramps. Being too hot. Not being allowed to sit down or stretch. Can't escape if you have to pee. Hypoglycemic hell. Seriously, it sucks. I don't mind early early days, or intricate procedures, or making instantaneous decisions. But I don't like being stuck. I get major anxiety before every procedure. The anesthesiologists are having so much fun. Chatting it up, coming and going, they dont have to be scrubbed in, and of course, occasionally they check the patient ;-)

Favorite Moments in Surgery Thus Far

1) Almost passing out in surgery on my first day and the scrub nurse implying that I'm pregnant to my new attending

2) CUTTING! (and sewing is almost as cool!)

3) My attending (who I love love love, btw).... saying "See! Even you (in all your idiocy!) could figure that out!" Lol.

4) Getting to say "YEAH! We fixed the SHIT out of that!!!" at every post-op patient's bed

5) We get to cuss on rounds. I can say fuck or shit or motherfuckers and its totally kosher

6) labial abscesses. for you people that don't get jokes, this is one.

7) Um, we get to cut people. Oops. Mentioned that already.

8) Rounds are lightening quick

9) Though I'm a wee peon of a med student, I feel justified laughing while the surgeons dog on EVERY OTHER SPECIALTY in medicine.

10) I have finally, FINALLY, found a group of people on this planet that think like me. Scary, huh?

Woot!

All my evaluations from IM came back awesome. Yay!

Latest Elevator Encounter with the Grumpy French Cardiologist

Him: So you have finished medicine, yes? (Insert grumpy French accent)

Me: Yup (proudly)

Him: And what is next?

Me: Surgery! Today is my first day..

Him: Ah.... it is always that way. Out of the frying pan and into the fire.

Me: (gulp)

So far so bad

The hours are SHIT-TY times 1000 and the whole day was

(doct)orgasmic.... I'm so screwed.

This could be bad

Printed out the surg notes, and seriously got a huge rush just from the pictures. Uh oh. Please god, oh please DO NOT LET ME FALL IN LOVE WITH SURGERY... (love~ella)

Happy 4th

Heading to Lizzard and Bow-tie guy's house for a party. Last taste of freedom and fun before the surgery nightmare starts tomorrow. Help. I'm scared. Very, very, scared.

Who Are You?

So I have a friend who is a new IM resident at my school... and since this is July, the new residents are throwing get-to-know-you parties like crazy. And me and Lolo have been tagging along. Pool parties, BBQ's, parties at the river. But we are definitely getting the "Who the hell are you guys" looks.... to which we hotly retort... "We're kind of a big deal". Not. Just kidding. But anything is better than admitting that I'm just a lowly med student. But actually, its been fun and we've met tons of new people.

On Regrets

From a Reader.....

My question to you is about the family thing. I am not one of those women dying to get married and have kids, actually it really isn't on my radar at all. Do you or do you know any women who regret not having kids and a husband and all that? I love love love learning and school and the clinical experiences I've had and I just don't know if I would ever have that same passion for raising kids. I don't presume to know you or your situation, but if you have any advice I welcome it.

My God, I have absolutely no idea....but I do think about this all the time. As someone who also has never really been terribly concerned about having kids or getting married, I never even once considered this before I got into medical school. Frankly I didn't care. I always figured, "Eh, if it doesn't happen... no biggie". And to a large degree I still feel that way. But I'd be lying if I said there isn't a part of me that does think about it now. I know for a fact that I do want to be with someone... hopefully forever. That may bring marriage, it might not.... I'm fine with that. And I figure that can come at any age. But damn, that nagging kid thing. I don't even know if I want them. SHOULD I want kids? Is there something wrong with me if I don't? Honestly, I think the only times I've ever really even briefly WANTED children was when I met a guy that I really liked... and my semi-psychotic female automatic future-life-planner drive went into high gear for a few moments and I thought... Sigh, I'd love to have children if it was with HIM. But then.... once the gleam of the guy faded... so did the desire for children. Which begs the question... do I actually want children (I think yes, when the time...and guy... is right)....and what happens when I find the perfectly right guy that I want to have children with and it DOES work out? Will it be too late? And that concerns me. Will I regret all the times maybe I could have settled down with a nice guy and had kids 10 years ago?

I doubt it. First of all, did I really "give up" having children? No. Its not like I met the PERFECT guy for me and said "sorry sucka, I'm going to med school, later".... I mean there were nice guys, great guys, but nobody that I wanted to be with forever. So really I didn't really sacrifice something I wanted for med school... I left something behind that I felt blase about and headed towards a dream. Not settling for the wrong guy is something I will never, ever regret.

Let's just say for a moment, hypothetically, that I did settle for one of the guys in my life and got married and had kids at the expense of becoming a physician. I can, undoubtably, say that for me (for ME, people) that would have been a decision I truly regretted. Every single day. I thought about becoming a doctor all day every day for years. Kids and husband? I thought about that when the mood struck me.

So maybe the real question is, do I regret not actively seeking the perfect husband who I could have had children with and with whom I could still be a doctor? Eh, maybe occasionally. I don't regret it right now, because honestly I'm GLAD not to have children at this point in my life. But I bet that 15 years from now, if I'm still single, I will have a different answer.

Oh Surgery

Starting surgery on Tuesday next week. There are oh, say, 15 different services they assign students to... and I've hear repeatedly that there are a lot of easy services in terms of workload and hours. The two ones you DONT want are VEP (vascular something pediatrics) and Acute Care. I got my assignment. WhaddoIgot? VEP and Acute Care. I shit you not.

11 Days Off

Wolp, finished IM rotation and the shelf. Got 11 days off. I don't even know what to do with myself. Guess maybe I should think about that whole Step I nonsense, eh?

Sometimes...

It is beyond me why people trust doctors. I mean, not that most of us aren't relatively intelligent and well-intentioned... but does it seem to anyone else that for every one time that we are sure about a diagnosis there are 5 times that we are just guessing? And people just accept it. I guess because there aren't any better guesses?

Last Day of IM Rotation

Already!!! I'm done. Just gotta take the Shelf Exam on Friday.

That time of the year again?

Is there a terrible case of PMAD going around? Tons and tons of emails. I responded to 20 or so today. If I didn't make it to yours I'm sorry. It's me, not you ;-)

Don't let me dissuade you from writing, though. I DO read EVERY SINGLE email. And I like reading them. I just don't always get to respond.

Take care ~Ella

Well it's Father's Day...

And we had to tell a big family that their 90 year old rather healthy and lucid father only had a few months left to live because of untreatable cancer. That was sad. Especially because he was such a total doll. When we told him his prognosis he just smiled, shrugged, and said "Eh, Whaddya gonna do? I've had a good life." That's how I want to go down. It was sad, but oddly not terrible. Kind of just like farewell.

HUGE NEWS

Anesthesiology has moved into first place.

To my readers...

I know that so many of you have been writing to me recently and I have not responded. Please forgive me. I am so crazy busy right now that I just can't. I will try to get through my old emails eventually. If you don't hear from me, feel free to try again in a few weeks. I'm sorry. I know that's lame but it's the best I can do.

~Ella

This med school stuff

Can seriously make a person a little nuts. Today was a call day. Usually the way it works is that as we admit patients during the evening, the med students are assigned patients to see. After we see our patients, we round with the attending, and if we've picked up enough patients we can generally go home. Now, if we meet our requirement by 8:00pm, we can generally go home when we are done. Today, I got mine done at 6:00pm and we finished rounding soon thereafter. I was so stoked about getting done early. But we got a new resident today. And instead of letting each person leave as they finish their work, she wanted everybody to stay until each student was finished. And of course one student wasn't done... and she seemed to be taking her sweet time as well. So I literally had to stay 3 extra hours for no fucking reason whatsoever. Just standing around with my thumb up my ass.

Thats when the "nuts" part kicked in. My brain really started messing with me. Chastising myself for being so stupid as to go to med school at 32. Considering writing my letter of resignation. Wondering what would happen if I threw that large glass bottle of some unknown narcotic across the ED and just went totally AWOL. It was surreal. I seriously had to Buddha Zen my way out of it. It wasn't pretty, folks.

Oh my friggen' God

SOMEONE (not naming names) acted like I was the HUGEST idiot for mixing up two drugs.

Her: What's Solmeterol?

Me: It's a steriod.

Her: NO its NOT!

Me: Oh. I thought it was similar to Prednisone.

Her: No, Prednisone is Prednisone.

Me: I didn't say it WAS Prednisone. I just thought it was a similar steroid.

Her: No, you're wrong. You should know these things. Solmeterol is a long-acting beta agonist.

Me: Oh, ok. I guess I was confused. I don't know why I thought it was a steroid.

Her: Neither do I.

Later I look it up and realize I was thinking of Solumedrol. Which in my opinion, sounds damn effing close to Solmeterol. WOW. I'm SUCH an idiot first month, third year med student.... getting Solmeterol and Solumedrol mixed up. I should probably drop out of med school asap.

I want her to do it

I've been seeing the same patient on the wards for almost 4 weeks now... and today he finally got to go home. He seems to have gotten pretty attached to me... and I to him. He tells me things he won't admit to the other doctors, and he always asks me to "translate" what the attendings say after they leave. He says he "loves" me (in a "thank you for not letting me die" kind of way) everyday, and offers me lunch and brings me candy. So we have a bond. And... I forgot to mention... he has MASSIVE white coat anxiety. So he literally turns to a nervous wreck whenever any docs enter the room but me.

So on the day of his discharge... (finally!)... he needs to have his central line taken out. The whole team goes into the room and my attending tells him he's good to go as soon as we take out his line. Well, he freaks out and asks the attending who is going to take out his line... and the attending says he'll do it himself.

Well my patient throws a fit and says he only wants me to do it. I was certain my attending would respond with a "Oh no you don't! She doesn't know WHAT the hell she's doing" ... but instead he smiles and agrees. For god's sake I didn't want to tell him I'd never really pulled one before... since he was so nervous anyway. But alas, I pulled it without issue, and managed to act like I totally knew what I was doing. Not sure if I'm a better actress or physician... but overall it was all a success.

On nurses....

I'm sure this post is going to go over like a match on gasoline... but really... I need to vent. So let me preface this venting session with a couple things:

1) I am a HUGE advocate for treating everyone alike, getting along with everyone, and for doing my best to refute stereotypes in the workplace.

2) I have worked in many hospitals (a dozen in several different states) and dealt with 100's of nurses... so my "opinion" isn't based off of 3 nurses in my hospital.

So here's my question. WHAT'S UP WITH THE EFFIN' ATTITUDE?

Do nurses really get treated THAT badly by everyone that they cannot muster a clean slate when they meet new people? Let me throw out a few scenarios here. All different nurses, mind you.

Scenario #1

Me: Hi Nurse 1. I'm Ella, part of Dr. X's team. Are you patient Y's nurse?

Nurse: Maybe. Depends on why you want to know.

Me: (smile... trying to break the ice) Ok, well when you have a chance he'd like to get his nicotine patch.

Nurse: Don't know why you bother. He's just going to rip it off later.

Me: Well, maybe, but he asked me... so I'd like to get him one while he's in the mood for trying.

Nurse: (Very snotty) Well, YOU'RE just going to have to wait.

Me: No prob. Like I said, whenever you get a chance.

Nurse: Well IF I get a chance I will.

Scenario #2

Me: Hi nurse 2. Dr. X is worried about patient Y and he'd like to get a glucose check right now.... I don't mean to rush you... but I think it's pretty important.

Nurse: JESUS CHRIST! Like I don't have anything else to do.

Scenario #3

Me: Hey is that patient Y's chart? Do you mind if I just sneak this note in there real quick?

Nurse: Is this your patient? Why has he been here so long? He needs to go!

Me: Well, he's got (really bad disease X). And he needs daily treatment.

Nurse: Well, I don't feel sorry for him. He does cocaine, right?

Me: Well, his tox screen was positive... but that's not related to the disease.

Nurse: Well, still. We shouldn't be putting so much effort into him.

Me: Well, that's what we do here. Help sick people.

Nurse: Hmpppfh.

Scenario #4

Me: (trying to get some blank progress notes which have been placed near a nurses desk... and I'm not even in the way or near any of her personal space/ things)...

Nurse: What do you need (attitude 10/10 on the bitchy scale)??

Me: Oh, hey, sorry I didn't realize this was your desk. I am just looking for the progress notes.

Nurse: Well this is MY desk.

Me: Oh. Ok. Well Dr. X said this is where they are kept.... but maybe he was confused. Is there some other place I should get them from?

Nurse: Nope.

Me: Well.... ok...

Nurse: Sigh. Well, go ahead.

Me: Big smile on the outside. Dagger of death on the inside.

Scenario #5

Me: Hi Nurse 5 (who is in charge of LTAC placement). I'm Ella. Dr. X was wondering if you know of any LTAC facilities that will do IV meds for 10 days.

Nurse: No.

Me: Well the problem is XYZ. Can you think of any way that we can deal with that?

Nurse: No.

Me: What about Facility X?

Nurse: No

Me: Facility Y?

Nurse: No

Me: I heard they will make special accommodations as long as the patient is ambulatory. Would you be willing to check?

Nurse: No.

And I can give 100 more scenarios like these....

Hmmm... that's odd

So last week my attending (the rock star woman who is highly respected in the city, university, and medical community) told us that we were some of the best students she had worked with and she gave us (well at least me... can't say for the others, but I assume so) great evals. She even had gifts for us (books with personal notes in them) the following week at class as a thank-you/congrats. THIS week, we have a new attending... who also acts like (and actually said so) he likes us.

However, our new resident doesn't seem to like us. First off, we were supposed to meet her at 7am the first day in the conference room. Which we were all there. And she wasn't. So we waited. 45 minutes later she shows up. Ok, fine. So she's late. No biggie. However.... the first words out of her mouth were "Ok, so my expectations. First, don't be late.". We all kind of looked at her like she's nuts... but ok whatever. Now, onto the end of the week (yesterday).... she pulls the three of us aside and says she has problems with our professionalism. That we should be on time (to my knowledge I have never been even a minute late for anything), and that it is highly unprofessional to be writing anything on rounds (um, so I'm supposed to just memorize everything?)... and that we are so lucky to have her and a "nice" attending because we would get our asses chewed by anyone else... and that she's doing us a favor.

THEN during rounds... the attending asks her a question... something like "What part of the gut does iron get absorbed? I can't remember"... she shrugs her shoulders, doesn't know.... and neither do the interns. Then he asks us, and none of the three of us know either. Then she incredulously says (rather rudely) "Seriously? I mean, you guys JUST took step 1".

Needless to say, I'm a HUGE fan of hers.

My First Clinical Evaluation

Was awesome. From a "high on the food chain" attending who I deeply respect. She said she had nothing to discuss in regards to weak areas... basically she thought I was doing really well, presenting strongly, establishing rapport with patients, and demonstrating strong medical decision making. She gave me some good "life as a woman doctor" advice... and that was it. YAY!!! I was so happy I almost floated out of the office. And I totally thought she was going to ream me for constantly eating granola bars on rounds.

More Gastric Pornography

Homemade Strawberry Ice-Cream

Toasted Sesame Seed Asian Chicken Pasta

Spicy Creole Tomato Egg Salad Sandwich

Zucchini Bread

Blackberry Cobbler

Oh and...

I keep running into my ex's fiance at work. Which I thought was going to be weird or irritating or awkward. But actually, I think I like her better than I like him. Lol, Whatev. (kidding. sort of.)

Frustrations...

I'm frustrated. Irritated. And it's only the beginning, I am fully aware. But I figured this is the best venue to vent. But seriously? People that refuse to sign DNRs for vegetative family members just so they can continue to receive their government-issued checks? Wrong on 500 levels. Sickle cell patients that rotate through the hospital every week or two and act like they should be waited on hand and foot like it's the damn Four Seasons? Refusing to answer simple questions, or make eye contact, or refuting every attempt made by anyone in the hospital to make them happy? Patients that have to be readmitted to the hospital 3 times a week because they can't qualify for outpatient dialysis?

Pure insanity. And I have low tolerance for BS. My attending however, is amazing. I'm pretty sure she's next in line for canonization.

Ok so this sucks

It's finally kicked in. Call nights that suck. Worked 16 hours, slept 4, working another 12 now.... t...i....r....e...d.....zzzzzzz...zzz....zzzz.z...z

First Patient Died

Well, it happened. I knew it would sooner or later. My team saw a patient in the morning. She asked for chocolate Ensure. Two hours later in the middle of rounds we heard a "code blue". There were 50 doctors and 20 minutes of CPR. Then that was it. And we finished rounding on our last 3 patients.

It will work out if you don't give up....

Lately I've been getting a lot of "panicky" emails from pre-meds. If I haven't written you back, please don't be offended... I've just been inundated with "help me!" emails as of late. And I figured I'd kind of throw my answer out for everyone to read.

So the panicky emails go something like these...

- Help! I took pre-med class X in the spring of last year but didn't pass it so I need to take it again. The question is should I take the MCAT before or after I retake the class? Because if I wait, then it might be too late to apply this year... yada yada yada....

or

-What should I do?????? I haven't heard back from any schools, should I contact the Dean? Or should I not bother them? Because I know you are supposed to assert yourself but I don't want to be annoying...

or

I got into 2 med schools and I don't know which one to go to. One is near my parents house and I can live at home for free... but the other school is way more prestigious and six times the price....

Sigh. If I could go back in time... say oh, 10 years, and tell my young semi-pre-med self just ONE thing.... it would be that NONE of this matters. Seriously. It doesn't matter if you make a phone call or send an email. It doesn't matter if you take the MCAT in April or September or even 2 years from now. It doesn't matter which school you choose.

All that matters is that you

1) try your best to make reasonable decisions that minimize your stress level and are conducive to you being happy and an overall ethical person

2) don't give up.

Really. I swear. That's it. Things will work out the way they are supposed to, when they are supposed to. And it won't be because Thank GOD you took physics before O-chem, or because you wrote a thank-you note on paper instead of sending a thank-you email. That stuff doesn't matter at all.

Moving on up...

Yesterday we got called minions by our resident. Before that he just called us speed-bumps.... because apparently we slow him down. I think that means we're moving up on the totem poll.

Worst Day So Far...

I mean nothing TERRIBLE happened... but I worked 16 hours and 4 of it was class on acid/base. Talk about hell. And my dog is NOT a happy camper that both of his walks today were in the dark. Poor baby.

As much as I hate to admit it...

I kinda like internal medicine. I mean... maybe. Or maybe I just like that my attending is extraordinarily hot.

First Call Night

Well, I survived. It wasn't bad actually. I arrived at 6:00 am and I managed to be home before 7pm. I was tired of being on my feet, and not used to being so damn hungry, but other than that it was pretty fun. Have to say I'm learning a lot, and I really like my residents and my attending. So yay!

Because I have ADD

Today I went to a panel of students who matched into EM. When asked why she went into EM, the first words out of one girl's mouth were "Because I have ADD". Sigh.

Ella = Love EM <3

Every 5th Night

Just got assigned a hospital for my medicine rotation. Yay for getting the one hospital that starts later every morning, and has call every 5th night instead of every 4th night. Downside? I heard it's boring. Oh well!

Definitely in the Right Place

So although I'm technically on vacation, I still owed 5 hours of community service before I could move onto third year. (PS: can you freakin' believe I'm a THIRD year med student now??) Anyway, I went to a rehab center to put in my 5 hours, doing physical exams and seeing patients, etc. I swear, 5 hours felt like 45 minutes. I saw my patients, looked up, and someone was telling me it was time to go home. You know how freakin' AMAZING that is? And I've figured out something. Something really really incredible. Medicine has the ability to make me totally forget my woes about love. When I'm working I don't even care that the guy I'm in love (ah-hem... did I say that? yea, maybe... but only in a sick, twisted, it will never work out kind of way) with makes me miserable practically every other moment of the day. Nothing else I know has the power to do that. It's like an awesome drug. Sigh. I am SOOOOOO in the right place.

Yumminess... (and if anybody asks me if I just stole these pictures off the internet I'm going to smack them)

Chocolate Cake with Chocolate Espresso Frosting

Scottish Shortbread

Tzatziki

Argentine Skirt Steak with home-made Chimichurri

Gruyere and White Cheddar Macaroni and Cheese

Zucchini Fritters with Lemon and Parsley from my garden

Shopping

So Rew and I are both starting out on Medicine for our first rotation. Beginning next week. And we both were hurting for business attire (as required per the clerkship guide)... so we went shopping this morning. He got hooked up. Tons of clothes. Full outfits, pants, shirts, ties, the whole shebang. Me? I bought one skirt and a pair of totally hot high heels that are totally not practical for rotations... and a jacket. Which I clearly will not need during the summer in the South. Under my white coat.

Sigh.

The Queen of Procrastination Strikes Again

So you know how I signed up to take Step I on April 18th? Needless to say, it didn't happen that way. I postponed. Why? Basically because I'm the hugest slacker, worst procrastinator, and absolute most terrible test taker ever. Sigh.

Getting Your MD in Italy?

Sounds pretty good to me if you are interested in going internationally. It's a 6-year program in Milan at Vita-Salute San Raffaele University. Taught in ENGLISH. Yay! No MCAT needed but you have to take an entrance exam which is only given in the USA in NYC. And it's on April 28th. So if you're interested you better get on that. Anyway, just thought it was a cool option for those of you who might be interested.

Here's the link:

Cool Med School in Italy

Dare I Breathe This Aloud...

But I think I passed 2nd year. Whew.

Um, Awkward?

So today I went to meet Rew at this evening concert thingy in the park. It's kind of a meat market... tons of young professionals (probably over a thousand people) who get off work downtown and walk over to have a beer and listen to live music. Who do I accidentally run into but Lolo... which was extra weird because we usually know each other's every move... and she has her puppy with her who is ridic adorable. (BTW if you want to pick up hot guys get a cute puppy... it totally works).

So I am holding the puppy and I hear "OMG, awesome dog" behind me, and someone reaches over to pet him on the head. I turn around, and I shit you not, it is Eli my ex boyfriend. And his fiance. Totally by coincidence. I thought he was going to faint when I turned around... as he clearly thought he was petting some random puppy. When he realized it was me he had a look of sheer panic on his face... like "oh shit... how's this going to play out???"... as I had yet to meet his new girlfriend. Now fiance. Anyway, I introduced myself to her because I think he was too stunned to speak... and she seemed very nice.

Oddly, it doesn't feel at all upsetting to me. I mean, really... not at all. I'm happy if he's happy... and even more happy that I had the strength to leave a relationship that wasn't right for me. So I wish him well... but beyond that there is no sadness. Funny how when you're in the middle of a break up you can't see past tomorrow without the other person... then a year later you can run into them and their new fiance and not feel even a hint of sorrow.

This Part Sucks

No two ways around it. Staying home (boring) studying (frustrating) for Step I (terrifying) sucks all around. The majority of my friends have day jobs or are also in the same boat that I am... so I'm stuck at home with my dog trying to be productive. Sigh.

Shelf Exams. Done.

If I passed. First day was horrible and I knew it. Second day went better. Today felt like I knew every answer. Please please PLEASE PlEaSe let it be good enough for me to pass 2nd year. Say prayers for me folks. I need it right now.

You are what you love....

Not what loves you. I just keep telling myself that. Is there anything worse than caring about someone who doesn't care about you back? I doubt it. I've been in this cycle for 6 months now. It's maddening. I would really like to forget about him, but alas... I can't. Probably because he lives near me. And also because its one of those cases in which every time I do manage to put some time and space between us... he comes back with the "I miss you" and "I want to spend time with you" stuff. And because I am a stupid girl (and because in my mind he's amazing) I let myself believe it. For a little while. Until I get smart again for a few weeks.

No Pressure

So as of now I'm passing all my classes for 2nd year. Not by a huge margin, but passing. Some better than others. BUT... I have to take the 2nd year NBME shelf exams on Tuesday and Wednesday and those count for 25% of my final grade. Which means I can still fail 2nd year. Which means I have a year of my life and $70k riding on those two days. Which is not good. I took a practice exam yesterday and it wasn't pretty folks. Sigh. Well, if I fail out you'll know what happened.

Broke

Again. Gotta love being a student. My money always runs out one month before it's supposed to. I just borrowed $20 from a friend to buy dog food. Life is great.

I'm going to be good

I think. I watched my videos from my comprehensive standardized patient exams... and I don't suck! I felt pretty natural... after watching my videos I think I came off that way too. I didn't seem nervous or awkward. I mean, I definitely forgot some important medical stuff... but that stuff will come. I hope. Anyway... it was good to see. A good pick-me-up. Which I need while I'm studying for the Step and contemplating how throwing myself under a bus would be more fun. (just a joke, no need to intervene).

Thoughts?

So I think I've come to a decision. Albeit prematurely. But I think I have. For those of you who don't know me well, here's a bit about me. I've moved around. A lot. I don't have a big family, and unfortunately I'm not super close with the family I do have since they live far away. I have never really had "roots". And I've lived in this city longer than I've lived anywhere else continuously in my life since early childhood (6 whole years here).

I have friends here. Like a chosen family. I love the city. I love my life here. Which makes the prospect of residency a scary thing. Especially considering I want to do EM and there is only one program in the city.

Here's the decision.

I think I would give up EM in order to stay here. Maybe for Anesthesiology or Surgery or even (gasp) IM. I don't know. I desperately want to do EM.... but more than that I don't want to start over at age 34 in a new city and have to be alone.

Thoughts?

Oh, and

I just now discovered Grey's Anatomy. You can watch them all on Netflix. How did I miss this memo? The show is awesome. Actually I'm glad I waited. I'm not very good about waiting a whole week to see what happens next. Instant gratification is more my style. :-)

Oh, and McDreamy... surely is.

Apparently....

My totally hot resident facilitator in my human behavior class didn't think that my idea of divorce would be a good solution for a young guy who ONLY has ED around his wife. Whatever. Sounds good to me.

SP Comp Exam

So I finished my standardized patient exam... the one at the end of the year where you have eight patients with blind scenarios, and you have to assess whats going on and perform whatever exams are necessary, etc.

What a shit show! Total chaos, lol.

I think everyone is done now... so I can write about it... hopefully :)

Surprisingly, I didn't get tired or stressed. It was kind of fun. Like Christmas. You don't know what's behind the door. I think I "handled" each one ok.. as in I could complete the assessments at the end no prob. The hard part was that if you left a room and needed more information, you were screwed. I definitely forgot to take pulses in the extremities on the cardio exam, and I didn't ask for a pelvic on a female patient with abdominal pain (obvious, I know... but she was in so much pain I decided to send her straight to imaging).

Blah. Whatev.

Six More Days

Until I am done with classes. For the REST OF MY LIFE!!! I mean, assuming I pass 2nd year that is. I really can't believe it. Two more years of rotations, then residency, then... the big doctor life. Weird.

What have you been doing? "Eating Wires and Lighting Fires"

Who knew one little phrase in a case report from a schizophrenic patient could send me into a giggle fit. One that just. Wouldn't. Stop. In front of my classmates and physician facilitator. No one else was laughing. Just me. It was really bad. I had to excuse myself, laughing so hard on the way out the door that I started to choke.

1. Medicine 2. Surgery

Just got assigned my first two rotations. Holy Eff.

APRIL 18th my lucky day....

So I scheduled Step I for April 18th. It's supposedly my lucky day. I bought my first house on April 18th 2008. Adopted my dog on April 18th 2009. Hopefully this will turn out just as good??

Electronic Configuration Hypertension

I'm studying in a coffee shop. The girl next to me is clearly a premed. I almost had an aneurysm when I looked over at her screen and saw that she is studying orbitals and other nonsense. OMG. Yuck.

My Maturity is Deteriorating. Quickly.

I've been sending these to friends. Lol.

Devastated

I just found out that my best friend's dad has pancreatic cancer. I can't believe it. I saw him at her wedding in October and he looked healthy and a very young 61. Of all fucking cancers, of all fucking people. I can't believe it. I can't believe it.

Well there's that

So remember the grumpy French cardiologist I told you about way back when? Somewhere I'm sure. He hates everyone. Seriously. Except me. He's the one that offered me $4k to put together the IRB proposals for 2 of his studies last year bc he thought his assigned research coordinator "wasn't right in the head". Lol.

Anyway, I saw him in the elevator the other day and this is the conversation. I should probs add this to my elevator post but whatever.

Him: Hi Ella. How's second year going?

Me: Eh pretty good. Could be worse I guess.

Him: Yeah you could be in jail. That's about all there is worse than being in medicine.

Me: Hmm... well, there's always that.

Playing Dress Up

So for whatever reason there are like a bizillion things to get dressed up for in the next few weeks. Plus last weekend was Rin's wedding, this weekend was a benefit party, next weekend a party at an art gallery and a banquet at the Ritz (two different nights), week after is a formal event and the Internal Medicine banquet, week after is the History of Medicine Banquet.

Holy crap. Let's just say that some dress shopping has taken place.

Been a While, Eh?

Sorry I haven't posted in forever, but I was studying my buttinksy off. After (serious) concern that I may be failing 2nd year... (well there is still a lot to go)... I had to get my ass in gear and bring up my grade on my last neuro exam. Which I did, thank fucking god. Because seriously, folks... it was a concern.

Secondly, I started hanging out with a group of med students which tends to make studying much more bearable. Rica and Ritt. They are pretty awesome girls, and we relate to each other on lots of levels.

Thirdly, boy troubles have been getting me distracted a bit... but I think that is coming to an end soon. Hopefully.

I'll try my best to be better at posting.

Oh, And

I decided to stay in my apartment for a few more months. The deal was too good. We'll see what happens... but I love my place... and if I can legally keep my dog, hopefully I can figure out the rest.

Congrats Rin!

Rin is getting married today. And it begins... the medical student/friend entourage of people getting married who aren't me. That's ok. It will be fun! Plus, she needs to get a jump start on those 6 kids she plans to have in 8 years.

Well...

I gave my landlord 30 days notice... then he lowered my rent and said I could have a dog in an effort to keep me. Lol. Now what?